(THIS IS PART 2. PART 1 CAN BE FOUND AT BOGGER BOX OFFICE!)
(we open to a darkened room that lights up when a silver figure walks toward a man slumped beaten in a metallic chair, welded to the floor.Without a change of emotion. the cyborg throws Joe-jack's clothes at Eamonn.)
YOU ARE DEFEATED!
-What are going to do to me?
You will be taken to my lab and experimented on. In your death, you will contribute to the building of anti-magic weaponry. But before I Kill you, 1 thing I found interesting is human's affinity for torture.
Curiosity. for something that killed us all like vermin, you have gained our emotions, Not a bad trick for a mobile!
(she hit Eamonn hard. blood was spilt.)
Anger. that's one of our strongest. but it's not the strongest power we have. Stronger that Anger or Magic. Hope.
HOPE IS IRRELEVANT!
Hope Irrelevant? never! all I have accomplished is down to hope. I've defeated SatanicOstrich, zombies,The Order of Samael, both sex and city movies, bombed a supermarket and joined TGWTG. All because of hope.
(the cyborg hunched over the chair. it's transformed into it's master, Edwin Tantalus.
Hope? there is no such thing.Not for me. Not for you. Not without my creation. It has given me what Man has always, ALWAYS wanted to do. Live Forever.
But if you are immortal, why kidnap your younger self? And Why turn your Earth into a time Machine?
You are so Proud of Human's Curiosity.
(Edwin pressed a button.)
lets put it to its limit.
the Marine starts to play.
AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
Yes who else is crazy enough to review a film with the wrestler dislike the most, than me?, the Caffeine Fiend himself, the "Enlightened" Eamonn Bermingham. If you have being to this blog before then you know of my detraction of anything John Cena. Why? the Man is a Modern day Hulk Hogan: The Face of the Company who's Popularity exceeds his limited move-set (given the explanation of the name, "Mr.4-MOVES"), Whose clean-cut persona is nothing more of a veneer of an egomaniac who has betrayed his closest friends to get and stay at the top.
And much like Hogan before him, Cena has admitted a want to make films. However Vince McMahon was fearful of anymore of his cashcows going to greener pastures, that WWE FILMS was born! This was the first thing they squatted over,clenched and "produced". Given that already from wwe films have being responsible for Kane putting eyeballs in Bottles of Canada Dry and Lisa Simpson making goo-goo eyes at Hunt-uh, should I ever review Marine 3 with GOBSHITE FROM MTV!? Probably, but I'd have to take a mental health day afterwards.
So lets review this and save the FUCKING UNIVERSE!
We open in Iraq as terrorists have captured 3 marines. In the next room John Triton(FUCKING CENA) Disobeys orders. After Channeling Kool-Aid Man, Cena rescues the others. Only to get Discharged the next day.
So john returns home to his wife Kate(Kelly Carlson, who was also in 12 Rounds, which is essentially the same film). Kate worries that John will fit in as a civilian in his new job.
We cut to a Jewellers as we see our villain played by Robert Patrick
HOLIEST OF SHITS! THE T-2000 IS IN THIS? THIS IS GOING TO BE BAD-ASS!
Sure Enough, Roam's(Patrick) gang steal Diamonds in an exciting scene, Roam kills one of his men when he calls him name loud enough for the by-standers to hear.
When the police arrive a 3rd Insider, posing as a newsagent takes out the cop-car with a rocket-launcher!
BAD-ASS!
But never mind the hero and villian crossing paths just yet, lets go to Johnny Boy's job as a security Guard for some action Film "FUNNY BANTER" As Triton is teamed with a Kevin James Stand-In must separate a Jessica Biel Stand-in from a Ryan Reynolds Stand-in.
Wait this film was created in'05 when Reynolds was in that Septic Sitcom 2 GUYS AND A GIRL. WWE could have got the actual Reynolds at this time. So John gets In a fight, throwing Not-Reynolds into the pane glass window.
So John is fired. again. We cut to Roam's Hotel as a mysterious voice on a phone threatens Rome for his reckless behaviour.
We cut to john telling not-Kevin James that he'll tell Kate what happened at work. Except she knows. God Cena have you never heard of Youtube? Where do you think thing I found this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlTfcpvs53Y
Naturally Kateis upset, But wants to take a holiday in the mountains.
We cut to a chop-shop where Roam's Black henchman, Morgan, is told to pick-up a mini-van, but spies a Cadillac but is told not to take it.
Yeah that's right!
Have a thief tell another thief not to steal.
Surely taking the Moral High-ground is the right course of action.
So the Tritons are on holiday and filling up on petrol when they encounter Rome's gang. When cop-car pulls up, Roams gang kills the police. and kidnaps Kate. Rather Than say, let the police do their job,Cena plays the hero. And that's the plot to the marine. took long enough and I'm nearly finished.
So Johnny boy steals a cop car as the gang drives onto a construction site. When a gang member calls John Terminator. Roam has an actor illusion moment. John's car becomes a fireball and veers of a cliff, but John Cena doesn't sell to fire and gravity as Triton survives. Roam tells his gang to take cover in the swamp. Killing one of his men to lure out alligators. Kate tries to escape, but Angel stops her. Roam tells his boss that he's keeping the diamonds.
John is captured by Drug-dealers, as the gang is nearly caught by the coastguard. After fighting the secret love-child of Terry Crews and Michael Clarke-Duncan, Triton finds the gang hold up in a shack. So John Kills Morgan, Making his monologue a scene earlier,pointless!
John eavesdrops on Roam telling the chop-shop to supply a car, he's going to Phoenix. He calls over Bennett who exposites that he' the gang's boating expert.
ooooh,he's being given a name and a back-story, He's up for the chop next!
Aaaaaannnnnd five minutes later, he's dead!
So Kate escapes and has a fight with Angel, only to be captured again. the cop trailing Roam has a Heel Turn and demands a cut of the diamonds. Roam destroys the shack and kills the cop in the Process. John is arrested but not even Law can make Cena Job. The Gang steal a truck to drive to a marina but Triton intercepts on his STOLEN! police boat. Killing angel by throwing her into the glass and mesh of a passing truck, the last thing we see is the diamonds falling covered in copious amounts of blood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OISR3al5Bnk
Let's finish this, John rescues Kate from a sinking truck on fire (YEAH, BAD-ASS!) And Roam is killed in a nod to Terminator 2.
THIS FILM SUCKS!
This art imitating life, as John Cena a Boring Invincible Hero, plays John Triton, a Boring Invincible Hero. Not even things like bullets, fire,gravity, Lung Capacity, or Underwater Inertia can Make John Cena Job to them. The smouldering hot Kelly Carlson is too hot to play the dutiful wife role, and the supporting cast are not strong. In the End the film has five word saving Grace.
ROBERT. PATRICK. IS.BAD.ASS.
(Master control had returned to it's form. her finger pressed a switch that sucked Eamonn into a time vortex back to 1982, what cruel irony. but in doing so the ripples of time destroyed all of her fleet and soldiers as she was separated from her master body. standing at the epicentre of the time ripples were Joe-jack and Eamonn.)
A MIRACULOUS TURN OF EVENTS HAVE SAVE OUR WORLD BUT WILL IT BE ENOUGH? FIND OUT ON BOGGER BOGGER BOX OFFICE NEXT WEEK!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
summer 2013 update
I'm taken a month off, due to Family Commitments. But will return 7th of may, with all of this!
ENLIGHTENED PAGE SCHEDULE
The Internets only text-based triple bill returns to end the current storyline. This year our boxset is films starring wrestlers
3 TICKETS TO HELL: OPUS OF BLOOD AND CANVAS
ENLIGHTENED PAGE SCHEDULE
- Want EVEN MORE free sky channels? of course you do!
- after the sensational turn of events that has made fandango's theme number 1 on British and/or Irish iTunes, It's only fair I do a count down of best WWE Themes.
- and it's only fair I do one for the rival company, Impact.
- For the first time, for a long time, I will review Summerslam
- All coverage of all deferred Impact PPVS
The Internets only text-based triple bill returns to end the current storyline. This year our boxset is films starring wrestlers
3 TICKETS TO HELL: OPUS OF BLOOD AND CANVAS
- Part 1: Bogger box office-Joe-Jack reviews Behind Enemy Lines
- Part 2: Enlightened Page-Eamonn reviews the Marine 1
- Part 3: Bogger box office-80's Lad, like, totally reviews Walking Tall
- June-Eamonn reviews Tooth fairy
- July-Satanic Ostrich (really!) reviews Meet Dave!
- August -Mystery review(all I can tell you it's something that it's something Doug Walker publicly said he will never review-And It's Not Matilda, at least I hope to get it done for August!
Monday, April 8, 2013
WRESTLEMANIA 29 RESULTS!
"New Jersey has a hard time topping this show"
That's how I ended my WM28 review 1 year ago and that's how we're starting. Welcome to the spiritual home of wwe, welcome to the State of New York.
Video package is about the fine work the National Guard did in the wake of Super-Storm Sandy. I'm very anti-war but what they did was heroic.
6 MAN TAG
HUNT-UH'S BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE(LAME-ARSE, BLANDY BORETON AND BIG SLOW) VS SHIELD (AMBROSE,REIGNS,ROLLINS)
The Shield gets an ovation from the crowd they love them! clearly going through the crowd has made them heroes in their eyes. Considering who their opponents are, I saw there's more than 1 smark in the audience. Reigns Starts out against Sheamus. Tag to Orton, Double STO. Rollins in, Orton out, Basement dropkick on sheamus. Ambrose in gets slammed. Big show tags in tears off Dean's Bullet proofs and delivers the frying pan chop. Low drop kick by ambrose, Rollins in with a Flying Knee, Reigns and ambrose make quick tags, Bearhug by Reigns, into a suplex by show. Sheamus in for his club spot, followed by 2 finlay Rolls Thriple powerbomb but Big show with the spear. Orton himself tagged in instead of show, Rko on Rollins, but spear by Reigns.
WINNERS: THE SHIELD 3/5
Nice Match, the crowd loved it.
Via Twitter feed Zack ryder tell us that GOBSHITE FROM MTV is the I.C Champion
Mark Hungry versus Ryberg had a terrible ending. Henry fell on ryback during the Shell shocked and pinned him.
TRIPLE H MUST BE IN A GOOD MOOD, AS NOT ONLY DID HELL NO RETAINED THE TAG BELTS, DANIEL BRYAN GOT THE WIN! ever notice that when they win, it's kane who gets the pin and if they lose it's Bryan who get's pinned. Just drop the pretence already Hunt-uh, and lower the glass ceiling like you want to.
As I predicted, Fandango was given a extravagant entrance with 10 dancers, Firework and a flaming logo.
Not that he himself, is not already flaming!
Shock of Shocks, FandanGODAWFUL Bet Jericho
Surprised but not Impressed.
He bet him with a roll-up when he's finisher only merit a 1-count.
BAN THE ROLL-UP.
ALBERTO DEL RIO (C) VS A WHEEL AMERWICCAN JACK THWAGGER
Before the match, each competitor had a video package. First we saw the video package for wm17 remade into a Propaganda Piece for Culter. The second was so optimistic in comparison, as ADR was on Liberty and Ellis Islands.
Already in the ring, Swagger and Culter apparently drove in a jeep adorned by the Don't thread on me flag and Old Glory called the Patriot Patrol. I think we should call it the Marijuana Mobile.
Knee's by Swagger, followed up by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Savant kick by Del Rio. A second proves Disastrous as Swagger has the Patriot lock on tight like a tiger. Swagger go for a Swagger bomb but gets crotched. Both men Trade German suplexes. Patriot Act lock in again countered into Cross Arm Breaker, Back into the Patriot Act but it's in the ropes. Cross breaker after a distraction by Ricardo.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION ADR 5/5
4 FOR THE MATCH, WITH 1 FOR THE STORYTELLING BEFORE HAND.
THE STREAK!
UNDERTAKER VS CM PUNK
Both men had superb entrances, Living Colour played live and rocked it.
Okay Punk I see your Awesome 80's rock band and Raise you ZOMBIES!
Yeah 'Takers entrance had zombies. Moral of the story: Don't ever play Entrance Top Trumps with the Deadman.
Shoulder Barge into Old School but punk counters with an armdrag, punk also does his own Old school. Russian leg sweep gets one. Taker whips Punk but his big boot is countered. I think this is the first time Undertaker has being scouted this well in his long career. After a brawl Undi makes the 10 count a walks into a neckbreaker. Suplex by Taker. Punk crotched on the top rope. Splash by punk.
Macho Elbow by punk. Chokeslam gets 21/2. Snake eyes countered as Taker is thrown out. Macho elboe on Spanish table. Hell's gate countered into the Anaconda vice. Go to sleep by punk, Taker ricochets of the ropes into a tombstone.....
THAT ONLY GETS TWO!
INCONCEIVABLE!
Urn shot that only serves to piss off taker more, Tombstone again and this time...
WINNER:UNDERTAKER 21-0
ASK NOT WHO SHOULD BREAK THE STREAK, INSTEAD ASK SHOULD THE STREAK GET BROKEN?
triple H won in a brawl and nothing else.
the hall of fame next and Congratulations to Trish Stratus after announcing her pregnancy. this year was a star studded class. Bruno looked so good last night he looked like he could still go in the ring tomorrow.
I'm having a great night! first CatchPhrase was rebooted on ITV, the Dark knight premiered on tv3, I didn't see the miz tarnish another belt, and it looks like the Bella Skanks match was cancelled because it's time for
TWICE IN A LIFETIME!
THE SHOWCASE OF THE SELL-OUTS FOR THE WWE PART TIME CHAMPIONSHIP
THE ROCK LOSES TO-I MEAN,VERSUS JOHN CENA.
By this time I was struggling to stay awake as it this was a facsimile of last year match.
the only up-side is I don't have to retire my" x lose to-I mean versus" joke after all!
Thank you for joining me, their will be no Results for Impact's X-travaganza ppv as it was Pre-recorded in February and spoilers had already being written.
I'll be taking a month off due to personal reasons. in May we will be back with the triple feature filibuster that is THREE TICKETS TO HELL!
That's how I ended my WM28 review 1 year ago and that's how we're starting. Welcome to the spiritual home of wwe, welcome to the State of New York.
Video package is about the fine work the National Guard did in the wake of Super-Storm Sandy. I'm very anti-war but what they did was heroic.
6 MAN TAG
HUNT-UH'S BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE(LAME-ARSE, BLANDY BORETON AND BIG SLOW) VS SHIELD (AMBROSE,REIGNS,ROLLINS)
The Shield gets an ovation from the crowd they love them! clearly going through the crowd has made them heroes in their eyes. Considering who their opponents are, I saw there's more than 1 smark in the audience. Reigns Starts out against Sheamus. Tag to Orton, Double STO. Rollins in, Orton out, Basement dropkick on sheamus. Ambrose in gets slammed. Big show tags in tears off Dean's Bullet proofs and delivers the frying pan chop. Low drop kick by ambrose, Rollins in with a Flying Knee, Reigns and ambrose make quick tags, Bearhug by Reigns, into a suplex by show. Sheamus in for his club spot, followed by 2 finlay Rolls Thriple powerbomb but Big show with the spear. Orton himself tagged in instead of show, Rko on Rollins, but spear by Reigns.
WINNERS: THE SHIELD 3/5
Nice Match, the crowd loved it.
Via Twitter feed Zack ryder tell us that GOBSHITE FROM MTV is the I.C Champion
Mark Hungry versus Ryberg had a terrible ending. Henry fell on ryback during the Shell shocked and pinned him.
TRIPLE H MUST BE IN A GOOD MOOD, AS NOT ONLY DID HELL NO RETAINED THE TAG BELTS, DANIEL BRYAN GOT THE WIN! ever notice that when they win, it's kane who gets the pin and if they lose it's Bryan who get's pinned. Just drop the pretence already Hunt-uh, and lower the glass ceiling like you want to.
As I predicted, Fandango was given a extravagant entrance with 10 dancers, Firework and a flaming logo.
Not that he himself, is not already flaming!
Shock of Shocks, FandanGODAWFUL Bet Jericho
Surprised but not Impressed.
He bet him with a roll-up when he's finisher only merit a 1-count.
BAN THE ROLL-UP.
ALBERTO DEL RIO (C) VS A WHEEL AMERWICCAN JACK THWAGGER
Before the match, each competitor had a video package. First we saw the video package for wm17 remade into a Propaganda Piece for Culter. The second was so optimistic in comparison, as ADR was on Liberty and Ellis Islands.
Already in the ring, Swagger and Culter apparently drove in a jeep adorned by the Don't thread on me flag and Old Glory called the Patriot Patrol. I think we should call it the Marijuana Mobile.
Knee's by Swagger, followed up by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Savant kick by Del Rio. A second proves Disastrous as Swagger has the Patriot lock on tight like a tiger. Swagger go for a Swagger bomb but gets crotched. Both men Trade German suplexes. Patriot Act lock in again countered into Cross Arm Breaker, Back into the Patriot Act but it's in the ropes. Cross breaker after a distraction by Ricardo.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION ADR 5/5
4 FOR THE MATCH, WITH 1 FOR THE STORYTELLING BEFORE HAND.
THE STREAK!
UNDERTAKER VS CM PUNK
Both men had superb entrances, Living Colour played live and rocked it.
Okay Punk I see your Awesome 80's rock band and Raise you ZOMBIES!
Yeah 'Takers entrance had zombies. Moral of the story: Don't ever play Entrance Top Trumps with the Deadman.
Shoulder Barge into Old School but punk counters with an armdrag, punk also does his own Old school. Russian leg sweep gets one. Taker whips Punk but his big boot is countered. I think this is the first time Undertaker has being scouted this well in his long career. After a brawl Undi makes the 10 count a walks into a neckbreaker. Suplex by Taker. Punk crotched on the top rope. Splash by punk.
Macho Elbow by punk. Chokeslam gets 21/2. Snake eyes countered as Taker is thrown out. Macho elboe on Spanish table. Hell's gate countered into the Anaconda vice. Go to sleep by punk, Taker ricochets of the ropes into a tombstone.....
THAT ONLY GETS TWO!
INCONCEIVABLE!
Urn shot that only serves to piss off taker more, Tombstone again and this time...
WINNER:UNDERTAKER 21-0
ASK NOT WHO SHOULD BREAK THE STREAK, INSTEAD ASK SHOULD THE STREAK GET BROKEN?
triple H won in a brawl and nothing else.
the hall of fame next and Congratulations to Trish Stratus after announcing her pregnancy. this year was a star studded class. Bruno looked so good last night he looked like he could still go in the ring tomorrow.
I'm having a great night! first CatchPhrase was rebooted on ITV, the Dark knight premiered on tv3, I didn't see the miz tarnish another belt, and it looks like the Bella Skanks match was cancelled because it's time for
TWICE IN A LIFETIME!
THE SHOWCASE OF THE SELL-OUTS FOR THE WWE PART TIME CHAMPIONSHIP
THE ROCK LOSES TO-I MEAN,VERSUS JOHN CENA.
By this time I was struggling to stay awake as it this was a facsimile of last year match.
the only up-side is I don't have to retire my" x lose to-I mean versus" joke after all!
Thank you for joining me, their will be no Results for Impact's X-travaganza ppv as it was Pre-recorded in February and spoilers had already being written.
I'll be taking a month off due to personal reasons. in May we will be back with the triple feature filibuster that is THREE TICKETS TO HELL!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
the final card for wrestlemania 29
this Sunday night it's going be the grandest stage of them all. In the spiritual home of wwe, New York comes Wrestlemania 29.
All matches are in descending importance.
TWICE IN A LIFE-TIME!
THE SHOW-CASE OF THE SELL-OUTS!
THE DWAYNE VS JOHN FUCKING CENA FOR THE WWE PART-TIME CHAMPIONSHIP!
I Was of the many fans who felt that rock's latest title run has being less than stellar. Rock's lacklustre matches and non-competing on raw, when he did show up, does not impress. So I'll feel dirty saying it, but just like when GOBSHITE FROM MTV! was champion I hope Cena wins. and it looks like it maybe a heel turn. Finally have Cena lose his temper, sure he'll lose his sweetheart deal selling merch but trust me, if he turns heel it won't last but they probably not chant Cena sucks. if they book it right.
WORLD'S CHAMPIONSHIP
"Wasist" Jack Thwagger vs Alberto Del Rio.(c)
By now, you've heard that Swagger celebrated his title shot by smoking up a big-ass blunt. Looks like his title chances....
(PUT'S ON SUNGLASSES)
Went up in smoke!
(YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Won't get fool again plays)
PRE-SHOW IC CHAMPIONSHIP
WADE BARRET(c)VS GOBSHITE FROM MTV.
For all of miz's big talk of proving to the world he can hang with the big boys, I will be spared actually seeing and hearing that Chimp-face idiot having 6 shades of shite beaten out of him by the Barrett Barrage.
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
TEAM HELL NO(C) VS Dolph ziggler and Big E Langston
Kane and Daniel Bryan are advertised to put the title's up against the shield at the London tapings so Dolph wont have 2 belts this year. I Have a feeling Langston will up-show the show-off, get pinned and return to cash in the briefcase. he only has 3 months left to do it. Clock's ticking.
THE STREAK!
UNDERTAKER VS CM PUNK
Amid the controversy of using the real life death of William moody(Paul Bearer), a truth had being spoken by JBL: For once in 21 years it's Undertaker the victim of mind games. Every year I say that it's the safest bet I ever made, this year it's still safe as houses.
NO HOLDS BARRED
HUNT-UH VERSUS-UH LESN-UH
Brock lesner will destroy triple h. Triple h is an executive now. He is not in very good shape to wrestle day to day so win or lose it's one of triple h's last match's regardless. Simple as.
Chris Jericho vs FandanGOD AWFUL!
I bet Chris was working on an album this year. Safe to say the production value of the event will go straight into making FandanGOBSHITE entrance a spectacular before the bell ring turns it into a Craptacular. If Johnny Curtis actually beats Jericho clean. I WILL LOSE IT!
THROWAWAY MATCH
WOADTH THCOLARTH AND THE BELLA SKANKS VERSUS BORE-US CLAY AND LORD TENSALBERTRAIN AND THE FUNKADACTYLS
There is not enough Savlon in the world to remove the mark of the world's biggest face-palm that I gave myself when I read that this match was being booked.
RYBACK VS MARK HENRY
Now this is going to be ugly. nothing but raw power. But there is a storyline. Ryback nearly bet Henry's world record in bench-pressing that he just made. For the longest time, The world's strongest man name was so instrumental in bringing him to wwe, that it's the thing that he held dear. when you met some-one who does something you do well better than you, It shakes your confidence and you act negatively. that how the writers want you to feel what Henry is going through.
THE SHIELD (SETH ROLLINS, ROMAN REIGNS AND DEAN AMBROSE) VS TRIPLE H'S BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE(BIG SHITE,BORE-TON AND LAME-ARSE)
THE FUCK YOU THINK?
Full results after 11:30am GMT at 8th of April.
All matches are in descending importance.
TWICE IN A LIFE-TIME!
THE SHOW-CASE OF THE SELL-OUTS!
THE DWAYNE VS JOHN FUCKING CENA FOR THE WWE PART-TIME CHAMPIONSHIP!
I Was of the many fans who felt that rock's latest title run has being less than stellar. Rock's lacklustre matches and non-competing on raw, when he did show up, does not impress. So I'll feel dirty saying it, but just like when GOBSHITE FROM MTV! was champion I hope Cena wins. and it looks like it maybe a heel turn. Finally have Cena lose his temper, sure he'll lose his sweetheart deal selling merch but trust me, if he turns heel it won't last but they probably not chant Cena sucks. if they book it right.
WORLD'S CHAMPIONSHIP
"Wasist" Jack Thwagger vs Alberto Del Rio.(c)
By now, you've heard that Swagger celebrated his title shot by smoking up a big-ass blunt. Looks like his title chances....
(PUT'S ON SUNGLASSES)
Went up in smoke!
(YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Won't get fool again plays)
PRE-SHOW IC CHAMPIONSHIP
WADE BARRET(c)VS GOBSHITE FROM MTV.
For all of miz's big talk of proving to the world he can hang with the big boys, I will be spared actually seeing and hearing that Chimp-face idiot having 6 shades of shite beaten out of him by the Barrett Barrage.
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
TEAM HELL NO(C) VS Dolph ziggler and Big E Langston
Kane and Daniel Bryan are advertised to put the title's up against the shield at the London tapings so Dolph wont have 2 belts this year. I Have a feeling Langston will up-show the show-off, get pinned and return to cash in the briefcase. he only has 3 months left to do it. Clock's ticking.
THE STREAK!
UNDERTAKER VS CM PUNK
Amid the controversy of using the real life death of William moody(Paul Bearer), a truth had being spoken by JBL: For once in 21 years it's Undertaker the victim of mind games. Every year I say that it's the safest bet I ever made, this year it's still safe as houses.
NO HOLDS BARRED
HUNT-UH VERSUS-UH LESN-UH
Brock lesner will destroy triple h. Triple h is an executive now. He is not in very good shape to wrestle day to day so win or lose it's one of triple h's last match's regardless. Simple as.
Chris Jericho vs FandanGOD AWFUL!
I bet Chris was working on an album this year. Safe to say the production value of the event will go straight into making FandanGOBSHITE entrance a spectacular before the bell ring turns it into a Craptacular. If Johnny Curtis actually beats Jericho clean. I WILL LOSE IT!
THROWAWAY MATCH
WOADTH THCOLARTH AND THE BELLA SKANKS VERSUS BORE-US CLAY AND LORD TENSALBERTRAIN AND THE FUNKADACTYLS
There is not enough Savlon in the world to remove the mark of the world's biggest face-palm that I gave myself when I read that this match was being booked.
RYBACK VS MARK HENRY
Now this is going to be ugly. nothing but raw power. But there is a storyline. Ryback nearly bet Henry's world record in bench-pressing that he just made. For the longest time, The world's strongest man name was so instrumental in bringing him to wwe, that it's the thing that he held dear. when you met some-one who does something you do well better than you, It shakes your confidence and you act negatively. that how the writers want you to feel what Henry is going through.
THE SHIELD (SETH ROLLINS, ROMAN REIGNS AND DEAN AMBROSE) VS TRIPLE H'S BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE(BIG SHITE,BORE-TON AND LAME-ARSE)
THE FUCK YOU THINK?
Full results after 11:30am GMT at 8th of April.
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Top 10 WORST actual WWE Hall of Fame Members
What makes a Hall of Famer?
With the annuls of the squared circle filled with diversity, it takes a career that weaves memories to captive audience, technical skill and toughness that pushes the boundries of the human condition, or popurlarity that slips into the mainstream.
...OR, NOT!,considering that the hall of fame is filled with not only great wrestlers and managers but 2 jobbers, 1 boxer, 2 baseball players, SOME AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER, 1"comedian" and even...well i'm not going to spoil the ending for you.
This is my list for the top (or bottom) worst hall of fame members.
Number 10.Mae Young
(FORMER WWWF UNITED STATES WOMEN'S CHAMPION.)
Low on the list is Mae young and the reason she's low is that her title reign is impressive and taking a table spot in her 80's was brave but for short term fans, we will always be the woman who flashed Edge her floppy funbags at the 2000 royal rumble.
Number 9
Ron Simmons (first black world's chamion)
You could be wondering why he is on this list. It's because that Simmons was wcw first black champion. As you know, WWE does not recognise the world championship prior to reintroducing the belt in 2004, why do you think they shoved Bobby lashley down our throats in the last decade? Hell wwe magazine before it stooped into Loaded with 'Rasslers was told to predict Choc Lesner as the FIRST black champion in 2006.
It didn't happen.
worse for simmons because all he'll be remembered for is his stupid "DAHM" catchphrase.
Number 8
William Perry (SOME AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER)
Long before wrestlemania 9 and 27, was the shit-fest called WM2, An event so bad it had to split into 3 cities. One of the matches was a wwe mid-card vs Soft-boy rugby players Battle Royal, Perry was one of 10 NFL No-hopers who became fodder for the king of the battle royal, the original hall of famer, Andre the Giant. Perry was eliminated by John Studd who in turn was eliminated by perry's handshake.And what happened after Studd was out-smarted?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
And i'm glad because we didn't want a pre-Miz 30 years ago.
Number 7
Koko B.Ware (JOBBER)
Before i hear any complaining about NWA-This or WCW-That or Local terroritries-th'other,I must stress that is the WWE hall of fame and only the wwe career is being judged. The only reason some wrestlers get in for the home town buzz, is some of the inductions overdue? in the case of Verne Gagne, Gordon Solie and Bruno Samartino, yes. But inducting a jobber who sang a pop-song and won no wwe titles? Vince, DaFAQRONGWIFYU? You let him in and not his partner,Owen Hart?
DAFUQRONGWIFYU,VINCE?
NUMBER 6
JOHNNY RODZ(LEGENDARY TRAINER WITH LEGENDARY LOSS-WIN RATIO)
Known as "Unpredictable" mainly because you didn't know if he was losing by pin or submission, Rodz would gain greater success as a trainer. At least he was a wrestler which leads nicely into the fact that the top 5 are all non-wrestlers.
NUMBER 5
PETE ROSE(DISGRACED BASEBALL PLAYER)
Thank God for google because, Once again i must remind you, I am not American, So i dont share the love for a sport we don't even play. World series? yeah Yankees, you are "world champions" of a sport only played in America, Japan and the non-frozen parts of Canada. It should be called the 2 and half countries series. Rose is baseball's highest scorer who at WM 14 was tombstoned by kane(for some reason),Rose returned the following year, dressed as a chicken(for some reason) and attacked Kane. Rose was kicked out of Baseball's hall of Fame for gambling on his team. At least was a good player leading us to...
NUMBER 4
BOB UECKER (FAILED BASEBALL PLAYER)
Conversely the hall of Fame has the footnote to baseball and wm3, Bob Uecker who is immortalised in the greatest match in 'Mania's 29 year history by wasting everyone's time by having an interview with Andre the giant for 5 MINUTES. Why am i complaining about 5 minutes?
Well, Nexus didn't have Five minutes.
The Primetime Players won't get five minutes
Hell even in his home state, Zack Ryder won't get five minutes this year!
SPEAKING OF WASTING TIME...
NUMBER 3
DREW CAREY (MET TRIPLE H ONCE!)
We are in the waist high's right now. In at 3 is alledged comedian, Drew Carey who's sitcom about caffeninated beer graced Irish TV's graveyard shift, once had triple h as a one shot charecter once. Appartenly meeting a wrestler is criteria needed to enter the Royal Rumble.
Yeah Drew Carey once had a 1-in-30 chance to be No.1 Contender to the WWF championship!
For all your complaints of over the hill Legends entering the Rumble. Consider what the implications of a fat "funny-man" in his late 30's-Early 40's winning the wwe championship.
Truly Vince made the right decision not to spring Brock Lesner a year early(!)
NUMBER 2
DONALD TRUMP(ALL THAT MONEY AND HE CAN'T BUY A CONVINCING TOUPEE...)
The Hall of Famer who lost millions, Who has being divorced and Remarried, Who spends his days passing on his skills to unworthy proteges.
But Enough about Ric Flair...
And Finally the Moment of Truth. No 1 is not a tough man or a rich man. Or even a famous man. He is
NUMBER 1
JAMES DUDLEY(VINCE MACMAHON'S CHAFFUER)
Yep.
No Fooling.
Vince put his (lack of a better word) Manservert into the Hall of Fame.
He won't put Savage in after he died tragicly last year. But a man on his personal pay-roll? oh yeah.
Oh Sure his bio on WWE.COM Reads "Promotor" but only because wwf was before the 80's a small rinky-dink promotion in new york. and vince was short-staffed of any ticket sellers.
So it maybe a little wink to the grass root beginings of the wwe but it's also a nod to what still exists in wwe. Not what you know,but who you know.
Or in the Case of Nikki Bella, not what you do, it's WHO YOU DO!
That'll do it for March!
Next month i'll be back with all the fallout from WM 29.
With the annuls of the squared circle filled with diversity, it takes a career that weaves memories to captive audience, technical skill and toughness that pushes the boundries of the human condition, or popurlarity that slips into the mainstream.
...OR, NOT!,considering that the hall of fame is filled with not only great wrestlers and managers but 2 jobbers, 1 boxer, 2 baseball players, SOME AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER, 1"comedian" and even...well i'm not going to spoil the ending for you.
This is my list for the top (or bottom) worst hall of fame members.
Number 10.Mae Young
(FORMER WWWF UNITED STATES WOMEN'S CHAMPION.)
Low on the list is Mae young and the reason she's low is that her title reign is impressive and taking a table spot in her 80's was brave but for short term fans, we will always be the woman who flashed Edge her floppy funbags at the 2000 royal rumble.
Number 9
Ron Simmons (first black world's chamion)
You could be wondering why he is on this list. It's because that Simmons was wcw first black champion. As you know, WWE does not recognise the world championship prior to reintroducing the belt in 2004, why do you think they shoved Bobby lashley down our throats in the last decade? Hell wwe magazine before it stooped into Loaded with 'Rasslers was told to predict Choc Lesner as the FIRST black champion in 2006.
It didn't happen.
worse for simmons because all he'll be remembered for is his stupid "DAHM" catchphrase.
Number 8
William Perry (SOME AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER)
Long before wrestlemania 9 and 27, was the shit-fest called WM2, An event so bad it had to split into 3 cities. One of the matches was a wwe mid-card vs Soft-boy rugby players Battle Royal, Perry was one of 10 NFL No-hopers who became fodder for the king of the battle royal, the original hall of famer, Andre the Giant. Perry was eliminated by John Studd who in turn was eliminated by perry's handshake.And what happened after Studd was out-smarted?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
And i'm glad because we didn't want a pre-Miz 30 years ago.
Number 7
Koko B.Ware (JOBBER)
Before i hear any complaining about NWA-This or WCW-That or Local terroritries-th'other,I must stress that is the WWE hall of fame and only the wwe career is being judged. The only reason some wrestlers get in for the home town buzz, is some of the inductions overdue? in the case of Verne Gagne, Gordon Solie and Bruno Samartino, yes. But inducting a jobber who sang a pop-song and won no wwe titles? Vince, DaFAQRONGWIFYU? You let him in and not his partner,Owen Hart?
DAFUQRONGWIFYU,VINCE?
NUMBER 6
JOHNNY RODZ(LEGENDARY TRAINER WITH LEGENDARY LOSS-WIN RATIO)
Known as "Unpredictable" mainly because you didn't know if he was losing by pin or submission, Rodz would gain greater success as a trainer. At least he was a wrestler which leads nicely into the fact that the top 5 are all non-wrestlers.
NUMBER 5
PETE ROSE(DISGRACED BASEBALL PLAYER)
Thank God for google because, Once again i must remind you, I am not American, So i dont share the love for a sport we don't even play. World series? yeah Yankees, you are "world champions" of a sport only played in America, Japan and the non-frozen parts of Canada. It should be called the 2 and half countries series. Rose is baseball's highest scorer who at WM 14 was tombstoned by kane(for some reason),Rose returned the following year, dressed as a chicken(for some reason) and attacked Kane. Rose was kicked out of Baseball's hall of Fame for gambling on his team. At least was a good player leading us to...
NUMBER 4
BOB UECKER (FAILED BASEBALL PLAYER)
Conversely the hall of Fame has the footnote to baseball and wm3, Bob Uecker who is immortalised in the greatest match in 'Mania's 29 year history by wasting everyone's time by having an interview with Andre the giant for 5 MINUTES. Why am i complaining about 5 minutes?
Well, Nexus didn't have Five minutes.
The Primetime Players won't get five minutes
Hell even in his home state, Zack Ryder won't get five minutes this year!
SPEAKING OF WASTING TIME...
NUMBER 3
DREW CAREY (MET TRIPLE H ONCE!)
We are in the waist high's right now. In at 3 is alledged comedian, Drew Carey who's sitcom about caffeninated beer graced Irish TV's graveyard shift, once had triple h as a one shot charecter once. Appartenly meeting a wrestler is criteria needed to enter the Royal Rumble.
Yeah Drew Carey once had a 1-in-30 chance to be No.1 Contender to the WWF championship!
For all your complaints of over the hill Legends entering the Rumble. Consider what the implications of a fat "funny-man" in his late 30's-Early 40's winning the wwe championship.
Truly Vince made the right decision not to spring Brock Lesner a year early(!)
NUMBER 2
DONALD TRUMP(ALL THAT MONEY AND HE CAN'T BUY A CONVINCING TOUPEE...)
The Hall of Famer who lost millions, Who has being divorced and Remarried, Who spends his days passing on his skills to unworthy proteges.
But Enough about Ric Flair...
And Finally the Moment of Truth. No 1 is not a tough man or a rich man. Or even a famous man. He is
NUMBER 1
JAMES DUDLEY(VINCE MACMAHON'S CHAFFUER)
Yep.
No Fooling.
Vince put his (lack of a better word) Manservert into the Hall of Fame.
He won't put Savage in after he died tragicly last year. But a man on his personal pay-roll? oh yeah.
Oh Sure his bio on WWE.COM Reads "Promotor" but only because wwf was before the 80's a small rinky-dink promotion in new york. and vince was short-staffed of any ticket sellers.
So it maybe a little wink to the grass root beginings of the wwe but it's also a nod to what still exists in wwe. Not what you know,but who you know.
Or in the Case of Nikki Bella, not what you do, it's WHO YOU DO!
That'll do it for March!
Next month i'll be back with all the fallout from WM 29.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
TEEANDEHH 'RASSLING PRESENTS:LOCKDUMB 2013 QUICKIE
Okay by now you've heard of the SHOCKING(!) Revalation that the guys who wear biker gear and chains, are led by the only other guy who wears biker gear and chains!
Let's get this over with!
Superb opener by the always reliable X-Division, As the newly crowned champion Kenny king defended against tna's other new blood, Zima Ion and Christian York, Kinetic, fast-pace action but in the end, King hit the Royal Flush to retain.
Then it went downhill fast like a fatman on skis.
Joeseph Park won against Joey ryan who is increasingly pushing the boundries of what can be televised. We can only hope that Park will become Abyss again, because this whole "Novice becomes wrestler" only works if the guy is technicly sound, which Park is not.
Backstage Hogan told Bully ray to give a performance that the world will talk about. That has got the worst foreshadowing and the sport is known for it's very shoddy Foreshadowing.
Forget Cena,(and i wish i could!) but if anyone's ring-gear looks like it's being shot out of Barney the Dinosaur's Anus, It's Velvet Sky. She reatained her Title against the always focused and game Gail Kim, Thanks to an assist by Taryn Terrell. Later Kim attacked Taryn. Taryn may become a title contender...and probably sell the title for MAGIC BEANZ LIEK SHE SOLD ECW FER NXT!
Robbie vs Robbie...was the Shits! cover it with kleenex and leave it for a while!
The Matches picked a bit when Roode/aries survived contention from Bad Influences and the home-state boys of Texans Hernadez and Jobbo the Thwagger Thoaring Eagle. the champions who i call the Greatest It factors, stole the win after the Frog splash or as call it when Chavo uses it, the Coat-tail Ride.
Speaking of riding coat-tails, Angle was cheated by devon in his cage match againstCody Rhodes Wes Brisco. yes i'm making a comparison between to 2nd generation wrestlers who go by family rep to get roster spots. Because Brisco was terrible it was one -sided before the cheat happened.
Lethal Lockdown(In name only) was won by tna, by Eric Young of people. I like Eric, it's very under-rated as a wrestler and to get the win can only mean that TNA has faith in him. but it shows the real bullshit that will always be in wrestling. Young had to wait 10 years for a big chance, While second gen wrestlers get main event matches they don't deserve.
And finally the shit hit the fans. As Bully ray won the title from Meff Hophead. the show ended when the marks threw garbage into the ring. if you are reading this and you one of those Marks in the Alamo Dome who did that, then you i have Mexican condos and Nigerian gold Bars to sell you. It was the most thinly veiled forshadowing to betrayal since Cold-war era Avengers heard Black widow speak Russian. Terrible! Just Terrible but at least the "higher power" was not revealed to be Hogan.
Well that's it I'm only going to updated this blog once more this month before Mania and that will be the top 10 worst actual hall of fame inductees. That'll be up in the next fortnight.
Let's get this over with!
Superb opener by the always reliable X-Division, As the newly crowned champion Kenny king defended against tna's other new blood, Zima Ion and Christian York, Kinetic, fast-pace action but in the end, King hit the Royal Flush to retain.
Then it went downhill fast like a fatman on skis.
Joeseph Park won against Joey ryan who is increasingly pushing the boundries of what can be televised. We can only hope that Park will become Abyss again, because this whole "Novice becomes wrestler" only works if the guy is technicly sound, which Park is not.
Backstage Hogan told Bully ray to give a performance that the world will talk about. That has got the worst foreshadowing and the sport is known for it's very shoddy Foreshadowing.
Forget Cena,(and i wish i could!) but if anyone's ring-gear looks like it's being shot out of Barney the Dinosaur's Anus, It's Velvet Sky. She reatained her Title against the always focused and game Gail Kim, Thanks to an assist by Taryn Terrell. Later Kim attacked Taryn. Taryn may become a title contender...and probably sell the title for MAGIC BEANZ LIEK SHE SOLD ECW FER NXT!
Robbie vs Robbie...was the Shits! cover it with kleenex and leave it for a while!
The Matches picked a bit when Roode/aries survived contention from Bad Influences and the home-state boys of Texans Hernadez and Jobbo the Thwagger Thoaring Eagle. the champions who i call the Greatest It factors, stole the win after the Frog splash or as call it when Chavo uses it, the Coat-tail Ride.
Speaking of riding coat-tails, Angle was cheated by devon in his cage match against
Lethal Lockdown(In name only) was won by tna, by Eric Young of people. I like Eric, it's very under-rated as a wrestler and to get the win can only mean that TNA has faith in him. but it shows the real bullshit that will always be in wrestling. Young had to wait 10 years for a big chance, While second gen wrestlers get main event matches they don't deserve.
And finally the shit hit the fans. As Bully ray won the title from Meff Hophead. the show ended when the marks threw garbage into the ring. if you are reading this and you one of those Marks in the Alamo Dome who did that, then you i have Mexican condos and Nigerian gold Bars to sell you. It was the most thinly veiled forshadowing to betrayal since Cold-war era Avengers heard Black widow speak Russian. Terrible! Just Terrible but at least the "higher power" was not revealed to be Hogan.
Well that's it I'm only going to updated this blog once more this month before Mania and that will be the top 10 worst actual hall of fame inductees. That'll be up in the next fortnight.
Monday, February 18, 2013
DOUBLE CELEBRATION!:THE 200TH AND FIFTH ANNIVERSARY POST:ELIMINATION CHAMBER
The Road to Wrestlemania steamrolls down Bourbon Street. But this is no Mardi Gras, This Morning 6 former worlds champions Were devoured into the "Belly of the Beast". But first...
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
BIG SHOW VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
Big show starts off by dealing heavy body blows to the Mexican Champion's stomach, Followed by the Flying Pan Chop, then a Body slam. an attempt of a kick is countered by Del Rio into a Leg Stretch. Savant Kick by Del Rio, Whose Cross Arm Breaker is countered into a spear. Clothesline by show. Vader Bomb gets 2, Cross arm attempt by Alberto but Show's Massive Leg gets on the ropes. Bear-Hug by show. When was the last time you saw that move being used as a legit Finisher? Power bomb is countered into a Hurracanrana, then a seated Senton. Chokeslam gets 2, ddt after a string of holds and counterholds followed by the Shock and Awe. ADR going back to the well with a C.A.B But Big and Slow counters with Suplex. After an assists and a botched Shock and Awe, 2 more and then the Cross arm breaker for the match.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION:ADR
So the Rumours of Dolph Cashing in tonight were just that. Rumours.
The united states championship match was a farce. GOBSHITE FROM MTV!, Frustrated that he couldn't out wrestle an actual Wrestler, Low blowed Cesaro. I'm sure that didn't bode well backstage.
ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH.
"WACIST" JACK TWAGGER W/ ZEB CULTER VS KANE VS MARK HENRY VS RANDY ORTON VS
ENTRANT 1: DANIEL BRYAN VS
ENTRANT 2: CHRIS JERICHO
What an opener! Shoulder Barge by Jericho, Armdrag side headlock traded, into theLEBELLE YES NO-LOCK!
Jericho gets out, teases the walls but instead uses a Rope Rein into the chain link wall. I must point out that this show has A FUCKING PG RATING! So no blood tonight!
ENTRANT 3: "WACIST" Jack Swagger
Vader bomb as Zeb Culter, better known as Dutch Mantel, looks on. Chris catches Jack from behind with a dropkick. followed by the flying knee by Bryan. Double underhook DDt by Bryan.
ENTRANT 4: KANE
Double team by the tag Champions. Chokeslam on bryan gets countered but Sidewalk slam is all he gets for his efforts. But the champs resolve their issues and perform a Steiner Bulldog on Jericho.
ENTRANT 5: BLANDY BORETON
Rope assisted suplex on by Orton. Both champions are vertical super-plexed.
ENTRANT 6: THE WORLD'S SWEATIEST MAN, MARK HUNGRY!
Oh look, a talentless wrestler whose over 6 foot that is friends with Hunt-uh vs A smaller talented wrestler who Hunt-uh is threatened by? I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN(?)
DANIEL BRYAN IS ELIMINATED
ORTON GET TOSSED INTO PLEXIGLASS WALL THAT SHATTERS! World's strongest slam on Kane.
KANE IS ELIMINATED!
Superplex on Henry by the remaining contestants. Walls of Jericho countered but he gets the running bulldog. Loinsault counted into a toss to the Chains. Rko out of nowhere.
MARK HENRY IS ELIMINATED
But henry destroys everyone. Officials including Booker and Long, walks Henry out of the arena. Swagger gets thrown into the pod wall by an unknown move as they focused to much on Henry leaving. Dropkick by Jericho. Belly to belly expertly done by Swagger. Patriot Act by Swagger. Walls of jericho , who walks into an O-Zone. Double Rope DDT by orton. Rko to Jericho.
JERICHO IS ELIMINATED,
But then Swagger with the FUCKING ROLL-UP, NO NOT IN GREAT MATCH LIKE THIS DONT END IT WITH FUCKING ROLL-U...
WINNER AND NUMBER CONTENDER: "WACIST" JACK THWAGGER.
BAN THE ROLL-UP!
THE SHIELD LOSES TO...I MEAN VERSUS RYBERG, LAME-ARSE AND JOHN FUCKING CENA.
-WINNERS: THE SHIELD.
Okay I'm sorry that i didn't do a full play by play of this match but usually if John Cena is in it, its a dead cert. I will say this. For a trio of men who not only are 200+ lbs each and over 6 six feet, the fact that they compete into bomber jackets, Denims and work-boots, and retain an edge in Agility and speed, Wonderful to watch in the ring and respect to Roman Reigns the only Samoan Wrestling Family member to not resort to those tired Samoan wrestling Moves. Sadly it means the above joke may need to be put to rest. the Following matches where too short or to crap to give full play-by-plays to.
Ziggler was put in a match with Kofi Kingston. after 2 minutes Ziggler got the "w". This lead to Big E attacking Kingston for some reason. Can the wwe please decide what alignment Big E is? he is a heel enforcer by proxy on wwe, but he is the main Babyface of NXT, Whose motive was given on that show was he was simply helping his friend, A.J.
The steep learning Curve as Diva's champion is being steadily climbed by Kaitlin. Slowly but surely Kaitlyn is gaining experience as the Diva who had little tv time, is coming out of her shell. she defeated a Game Tamina Snuka, this morning by matching her in terms of raw strength.
And the Rock defeated Punk. in a shamefull affair. it seems, and I am not exagerating this, that the rock has forgotting who to Wrestle or something, because he didn't put a single hold throughout the match. Maybe JBL was right last month that the Rock has being gone too long that his body is no longer "Ring-Fit". the Rock was more that just rusty. he needed a large bottle of WD-40, HE WAS THAT BAD LAST NIGHT!
Well this has being the 200th post thank you very much and this is also the fifth year of the Enlightened Page!
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
BIG SHOW VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
Big show starts off by dealing heavy body blows to the Mexican Champion's stomach, Followed by the Flying Pan Chop, then a Body slam. an attempt of a kick is countered by Del Rio into a Leg Stretch. Savant Kick by Del Rio, Whose Cross Arm Breaker is countered into a spear. Clothesline by show. Vader Bomb gets 2, Cross arm attempt by Alberto but Show's Massive Leg gets on the ropes. Bear-Hug by show. When was the last time you saw that move being used as a legit Finisher? Power bomb is countered into a Hurracanrana, then a seated Senton. Chokeslam gets 2, ddt after a string of holds and counterholds followed by the Shock and Awe. ADR going back to the well with a C.A.B But Big and Slow counters with Suplex. After an assists and a botched Shock and Awe, 2 more and then the Cross arm breaker for the match.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION:ADR
So the Rumours of Dolph Cashing in tonight were just that. Rumours.
The united states championship match was a farce. GOBSHITE FROM MTV!, Frustrated that he couldn't out wrestle an actual Wrestler, Low blowed Cesaro. I'm sure that didn't bode well backstage.
ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH.
"WACIST" JACK TWAGGER W/ ZEB CULTER VS KANE VS MARK HENRY VS RANDY ORTON VS
ENTRANT 1: DANIEL BRYAN VS
ENTRANT 2: CHRIS JERICHO
What an opener! Shoulder Barge by Jericho, Armdrag side headlock traded, into the
Jericho gets out, teases the walls but instead uses a Rope Rein into the chain link wall. I must point out that this show has A FUCKING PG RATING! So no blood tonight!
ENTRANT 3: "WACIST" Jack Swagger
Vader bomb as Zeb Culter, better known as Dutch Mantel, looks on. Chris catches Jack from behind with a dropkick. followed by the flying knee by Bryan. Double underhook DDt by Bryan.
ENTRANT 4: KANE
Double team by the tag Champions. Chokeslam on bryan gets countered but Sidewalk slam is all he gets for his efforts. But the champs resolve their issues and perform a Steiner Bulldog on Jericho.
ENTRANT 5: BLANDY BORETON
Rope assisted suplex on by Orton. Both champions are vertical super-plexed.
ENTRANT 6: THE WORLD'S SWEATIEST MAN, MARK HUNGRY!
Oh look, a talentless wrestler whose over 6 foot that is friends with Hunt-uh vs A smaller talented wrestler who Hunt-uh is threatened by? I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN(?)
DANIEL BRYAN IS ELIMINATED
ORTON GET TOSSED INTO PLEXIGLASS WALL THAT SHATTERS! World's strongest slam on Kane.
KANE IS ELIMINATED!
Superplex on Henry by the remaining contestants. Walls of Jericho countered but he gets the running bulldog. Loinsault counted into a toss to the Chains. Rko out of nowhere.
MARK HENRY IS ELIMINATED
But henry destroys everyone. Officials including Booker and Long, walks Henry out of the arena. Swagger gets thrown into the pod wall by an unknown move as they focused to much on Henry leaving. Dropkick by Jericho. Belly to belly expertly done by Swagger. Patriot Act by Swagger. Walls of jericho , who walks into an O-Zone. Double Rope DDT by orton. Rko to Jericho.
JERICHO IS ELIMINATED,
But then Swagger with the FUCKING ROLL-UP, NO NOT IN GREAT MATCH LIKE THIS DONT END IT WITH FUCKING ROLL-U...
WINNER AND NUMBER CONTENDER: "WACIST" JACK THWAGGER.
BAN THE ROLL-UP!
THE SHIELD LOSES TO...I MEAN VERSUS RYBERG, LAME-ARSE AND JOHN FUCKING CENA.
-WINNERS: THE SHIELD.
Okay I'm sorry that i didn't do a full play by play of this match but usually if John Cena is in it, its a dead cert. I will say this. For a trio of men who not only are 200+ lbs each and over 6 six feet, the fact that they compete into bomber jackets, Denims and work-boots, and retain an edge in Agility and speed, Wonderful to watch in the ring and respect to Roman Reigns the only Samoan Wrestling Family member to not resort to those tired Samoan wrestling Moves. Sadly it means the above joke may need to be put to rest. the Following matches where too short or to crap to give full play-by-plays to.
Ziggler was put in a match with Kofi Kingston. after 2 minutes Ziggler got the "w". This lead to Big E attacking Kingston for some reason. Can the wwe please decide what alignment Big E is? he is a heel enforcer by proxy on wwe, but he is the main Babyface of NXT, Whose motive was given on that show was he was simply helping his friend, A.J.
The steep learning Curve as Diva's champion is being steadily climbed by Kaitlin. Slowly but surely Kaitlyn is gaining experience as the Diva who had little tv time, is coming out of her shell. she defeated a Game Tamina Snuka, this morning by matching her in terms of raw strength.
And the Rock defeated Punk. in a shamefull affair. it seems, and I am not exagerating this, that the rock has forgotting who to Wrestle or something, because he didn't put a single hold throughout the match. Maybe JBL was right last month that the Rock has being gone too long that his body is no longer "Ring-Fit". the Rock was more that just rusty. he needed a large bottle of WD-40, HE WAS THAT BAD LAST NIGHT!
Well this has being the 200th post thank you very much and this is also the fifth year of the Enlightened Page!
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