AN IDIOT WITH NO CONCEPT ON HOW CONTINUITY WORKS PRESENTS: TNA JOKER'S WILD: HOMEGROWN SPUD

Tonight it's continuity errors a-go-go as a show filmed in January, with people who have since being fired or turned alignment, Is presented like it's a fresh new show for May!

For those unfamiliar with this event, all matches are tag matches with mystery partners drew at random. (I must add that the tombola used gains more papers as the matches go on, breaking the illusion that the draw is rigged.) the winners of each match goes into a gauntlet for $10,000. What they don't no is that it's the Universal Studio theme park dollars!

First Match saw this British crowd divided as the British invasion was reunited against the now fired Chris Sabin and Gunner. The crowd chanted you sold out at Shag-nus! (at time of filming, Magnus just won the World's championship. No mention of any belts were made this night). After defeating this make-shift them that didn't get along (expect to read that A LOT in this post). The B.I fell out when Magnus exclaimed to be better than Doug ever was.

Next Was Jersey Whore-Robbie E tagging with the recently released Chris Daniels to perform job duty to Samoa Joe and German Wrestler Bad Bones. Bones looks the part of a old school European wrestler and impressed me on this pppv debut.

3 match was the hometown Kid- ROD STEWART Rockstar Spud teaming with Bully Ray vs Austin Aries and Mr Anderson. This was a comedy match-pure and simple, but somehow, Spud and Bully pulled it off, leaving Austin who was pinned, Laughing his head of at the antics.

4 match was a tag team Dream match. THE WOLVES VS BEER MONEY! Roode and storm, the two erstwhile rival put it to one side to recapture the magic they had when they formed under similar circumstances 4-years ago! Despite feeling the momentum some wounds healing. the wolves won in this tag clinic

Tag clinic.... Is not how I would call the last 3 matches!

Kaz and curryman (which means Daniels pulled double duty) and Eric young and Ethan Mid-Carder the TURD! had a comedy match (and I use that term loosely) where the faces didn't want to team with their heel partners. Once again Mid-Carder used cheating to win. Ok he's a heel I get it! but if you want to build this prick to be the guy to take the belt from E.Y., You must book him to win a match cleanly or you'll just have another paper champion.

The last match gave us a possible glimpse into the future as Samuel "the creepy Bastard" Shaw and abyss teamed Against Zima Ion and GOBSHITE FROM BIG BROTHER! This show was filmed a fortnight after Jesse Godderz jobbed to a microphone (See my review of Hardcore Justice to get the joke!), so he was at that level of shite at time of filming! Godderz Jobbed as Shaw put on the Chloroform.

The next match was a tag team knockouts match, with the now recently fired Lei'D Tapa, who was alledgedly fired for having a bad attitude, and it shows in her ring-work and it's that reason I called her "Lady Crapper" because no-one else is as crap as her!

Finally, Ethan Mid-Carter won back the money Aunty D put up in the battle-royal, Now they can pay for luxuries like toilet paper and that there running water, y'all!

Well that's it!
Join me tomorrow when i'll be reviewing Ice-cream for a change!

Summer Schedule 2014

I'm back a day after my dental surgery and I'm feeling a lot better. Now to continue as we mean to go on. Here's my schedule for the summer months on Enlightened Towers' two blogs.

THE ENLIGHTENED PAGE SCHEDULE FOR SUMMER
(All posts are likely to change or others added on without notice.)

• Next Thursday: Tna One Night Only: Joker's Wild UK
• Next week: Eamonn Tastes Magnum 25 and cornetto Chocoball
• June: Guaranteed! I will review Payback
• June: Money in the bank
• June: Slammerversey: Dixie's Reign of Terror is Over! Let MVP's Reign Of Terror Begin!
• End of June or when available: Absence makes the Heart Ha'ver for Taters: Walkers Limited Edition Taste Test 2014
• August: Summerslam

BOGGER BOX OFFICE SCHEDULE
Right now all your Page views are being tallied to determine the ending to this year's Ticket to Hell. but did you know you can vote on twitter? Read part 2 of My Silent Hill revelation review at bogger box office for details. Voting closes the last Friday of may

• Last Monday of May-the Official Ending to the Ticket to Hell: DamNation.
• Last Tuesday of  May-The Alternate endings to Ticket To Hell:DamNation.

This June I will be nearly at a milestone that seemed impossible when I started Bogger box office: A 100th episode! so This June my new storyline isn't even a storyline! It's the ROAD TO ONE HUNDRED!

• June-Eamonn reviews Hobo with a Shotgun
• July-Eamonn reviews Arthur's Great Adventure
• August-Eamonn and 80's Lad Ogle at Piranha DD

For what it's worth, I have all the  films I will reviewed purchased for this years reviews. But I will reveal them in time.
Thank you .
That is all for now.
Eamonn.

The worst Master of Disguise Since Pistachio Disguisey presents:TNA: SACRIFECALMATTER quickie

People always ask me 1 question. And that 1 question is "Eamonn, why do you only quickie synopsis Of Tna shows and only go into detail for WWE Shows?".

Well that's simple! as Tna despite being owned by the same company that can show WWE shows live, opt to show Tna shows 3 days later in Ireland, by then more reliable.(ie American) sites can report on it live, While muggins like us on this side of the Atlantic must either watch it live on an Illegal stream or wait patiently for Wednesday.

So now you know. this is solely for British and Irish guys who for 3 days avoided spoilers like those vile Geordie Whores "women".

Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards, collectively known as Wolves, defeated the useless champions of BLOW-Mance, this match has being cancelled in storyline excuses, but the real excuse was that Robbie, Zima and the new champs are sick of Carrying Jessie GOBSHITE FROM BIG BROTHER Rancid ass!

Next was Samuel Shaw vs Mr. Anderson in a Loser Gets Commited match, This was a goofy match with some funny one-liners from Anderson. After a nut-crusher by Christy, Shaw was put in the paddy-wagon.

Angle and Willow vs Mockstar Dud and Ethan Carter the TURD-THE FUCK YOU THINK?

Match of the Night-Sanada vs Tigre Uno. It was predeceased by a great video package of Sanada's intense training At 4am in Miami. As for the match, Great back and front, did anyone else flinch when Tigre suplexed the champ into the turnbuckle. This match was awesome.

Angelina Love is new women's champion, but as a heel, it now means she loves the ability to win cleanly or use finishers. Remember last month I made fun of Madison using a finisher for the 1st time? Well that's how bad it is! Every heel Knockout not called Gail kim wins by dq, cheating or with the FUCKING ROLL-UP!

I AM FUCKING SICK OF STORM VS GUNNER!
Gunner won, now can you move on, please?

Thanks to Dixie "rich idiot" Carter disguised as the only camerawomen, Cost Bully Ray the table's match after Roode hits the Tnemtsujda Edutitta.

Magnus was outdone by Eric Young the "fighting champion" who revealed he's leaving to film more nature documentaries for Discovery at the end of the Year.

I hope you guys enjoy Extreme Rules on sunday, there will be no review of extreme rules. the next post will be the Summer schedule  Next Thursday.

Sacrifice 2014 predictions

Sunday is Sacrifice!....if your not Britain or Ireland in that case....Wednesday is Sacrifice!

Here's prediction to the last ppv I do before my dental surgery on the 7th of May.

All matches in Descending importance.

TEEANDEH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TIGHT-ALL MATCH, Y'ALL!
ERIC YOUNG(C) VS SHAG-NUS W/RICH IDIOT!

So TNA, how do you get ratings in a week where after years of bullshit from WWE's creative team Cough*Really Triple h* Cough, Daniel Bryan wins the big one?

BY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING WITH NO BUILD UP AND FOR FREE!
Now I like Eric Young, there's a reason people chant Under-Rated at him. But is putting your belt on a part-time guy a good thing? As far as I know Eric still has that fishing show of his. and like wrestling, Fishing doesn't exactly have an off-season. Still here's hoping a pile-driver will make Shag-nus tell Dixie "Not tonight I have a head-ache!"
MONEY ON: Eric

RUBBER MATCH IN THE BEST OF 3 SERIES FOR THE X DIVISION TIGHT-ALL, Y'ALL!
TIGRE UNO  VS SANADA (C)
Impact's young international talent make their mark on sunday night. This series is a being joy to watch this month. Expect the same on Sunday/Wednesday.
MONEY ON: Tigre uno.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP
MADISON RAYNE (C) VS ANGELINA LOVE
(sigh...)
Start the Car for Maddie the Job-Girl!
MONEY ON: Love.

TABLES MATCH
BULLY RAY VS BOBBY ROODE
Denied a 10% percent cut in the control of tna by Bully, Roode desire for power has shifted to that of revenge. While Bully has the experience in his signature match, Roode has tweaked his style to include power moves, including his reserve attitude adjustment or Tnemtsujda Edutitta, as I call it, so don't count out Roode yet.
MONEY ON: Roode.

I QUIT MATCH
GUNNER VS JAMES STORM
While gunner has come into his own, he has replaced finding a personality (of which he has none.), with applying to Flag-wavers. James Storm has become this Anti-war Pinko without changing his outward appearance. As for the match. expect Storm to continue to carry gunner.
MONEY ON:Gunner

LOSER GETS COMMITED( YES REALLY!)
MR ANDERSON VS SAMUEL "THE CREEEPY BASTARD" SHAW
I've learned that Christy is going to be part of tna's creative. That doesn't even need a Fucking Punchline! so this gimmick will be nipped in the bud to give creative time to rewrite or repackage Shaw.
Money on: Anderson

TAG MATCH
G.H.3RD-GREENHORN THE TURD AND ROD STEWART MOCKSTAR DUD VS WILLOW AND KURT ANGLE
We've being waiting for this for so long. and now the glorified Abercrombie and Fitch model will have to put up or shut up.
MONEY ON: ANGLE/HARDY

Results will be up on Thursday. Just to remind you all that I wont be reviewing extreme rules because of the aforementioned Surgery. this is my last only ppv until May.

Follow me on twitter at my new address, EnlightenedIrishman @RealEnli

Spring update and schedule 2014

Thanks for all your views yesterday of my WrestleMania report.

THE ENLIGHTENED PAGE SCHEDULE FOR SPRING
(All posts are likely to change or be added on.)

• Last Thursday of this month: #WrathOfRichIdiotY'all-TNA SACRIFICE
• This year is also the world cup, so I'm hoping We get limited edition sweets for reviewing,

IN REGARDS WITH THE NEXT TWO PPVS, BANK HOLIDAYS AND PERSONAL LIFE.
As you know, I don't own any Internet connection, and rely solely on Cafes, libraries and Coin-ops. With 2 ppvs solely before bank holidays, It will be hard to compete when the café opens at 12 and by then, others will have the results. Also On the 7th, I have dental surgery. I've being advised to relax the day before, and not to change my eating habits drastically. So that means I won't be reviewing Extreme Rules. I'm sorry, but this cannot be avoided. The ppv in June I will review. but it'll be by a Coin-op in a supermarket, so apologies in advance for Quality.

BOGGER BOX OFFICE SCHEDULE
THE Final chapter of the Current "INFERAL LODGER" Storyline is Revealed as The 5th ever Ticket to Hell is revealed in DamNation.

• all through April and May- TICKET TO HELL-DAMNATION:EAMONN REVIEWS SILENT HILL REVELATION

thanks for all your support.

Eamonn.

YES!lemania 30 RESULTS: BLACK DAY FOR BROWN TONGUES!

Last Year St Louis was the host for last year's chamber.
This Year-THE BRIDESMAID GOT MARRIED, As it were, This is the show of shows, For the 30th Time, THIS IS WRESTLEMANIA!

As par the course, a video package of the city culture, St Louis is home to Mardi Gras as the Bella Skanks are shown in this video. I'm sure they have flashed many a reveler who throw beads at them, many times!

Hogan, Austin and the Rock had a promo and the crowd went insane! and the matches hadn't even started yet!

QUALIFYING MATCH FOR THE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
DANIEL BRYAN VS TRIPLE H
Steph introduced her husband, who is back in his Conan The Bar-BURY-ian costume. Bryan, with taped up ribs, came out and the crowd exploded in a deafening roar. Bryan all over triple h to start off! Headlock by bryan, into a Leg Lace, then a Crossface. European uppercut then off the ropes a shoulder barge. Trips with a Dragon Screw after the Flash Kicks, When HHH goes out to kiss Steph, D-Bry hits a huge TumbleWeed to the outside. Back in and it seems that Bryan was going for the Dragonfly, but he gets crotched by the Cerebral AssPlug. Bryan's taped arm goes through the wars, as it's just academic for Hunt-uh here. Shoulder barge by Bryan with a scrap of momentum, into More Flash Kicks. A Pair of Germans, A Pair of 2-Counts! Go behind into a Sleep-uh, chained into a German Release suplex by the C.O.O. But an attempt of a Superplex becomes a Sunset flip bomb. Drop kick by a revitalized Bryan, but A clothesline-uh stops it cold, the pedigree is countered into a jack-knife cover, Dragonfly is countered into Crippl-uh Crossface, into the YES!-Lock but hand on the ropes, Steph pulls out HHHusband and Bryan takes out the wwe's power couple with a Suicide Dive. Trips is now even more P.O'ed than he was, countering the Running Knee into a Spinebust-uh! But Bryan does the Impossible, kicked out of the pedigree at a count of 1! Running knee, the cover and ....
WINNER: BRYAN 4/5
And as predicted, Hunt-uh lowers the glass ceiling on Bryan, by targeting the arm of  Bryan. the doctor go check on him.

Well I got this prediction wrong. the Shield looked strong as they mopped the floor with the Old Age Outlaws and Corporate Immobile Slab of Meat.

In match where only Big Slow and Lame-Arse only had entrances, Cesaro Lifted the Giant big show to win the Andre, the European crowd then hummed the Real American tune at Cesaro when he lifted the giant trophy. Will "Cesaro-ing" become the new fan-made Meme?

After a mesmerizing entrance for Bray Wyatt, thanks to Mark Crozier and the Rels, A belly dancer and the French Quarter full of Voodoo paraphilia, A toned down Golden boy Cena came and...You know the rest! But it was a great regardless! Wyatt is 3 for 3 for having the best match at the ppv this year.

THE STREAK
UNDERTAKER VS BROCK LESNER W/Paul Heyman
With coffins lined with the names of every victim, the one that was sired with Brock's name burst into flames, and left as it never happened (FORESHADOWING!)

The aggressive Lesner asserts himself, throwing the Phenom to the ropes. Clothesline nearly dumps 'Taker onto Pauly. Old school blocked by brock. but Taker relies on another trusty favourite, the Apron Legdrop. Back in and Brock gets Snake eyes, Chokeslam is countered as Taker is F5'D. Hard toss into the corner, when taker kicks out! Vertical suplex by the former NCAA Champion. After minutes of an intense beatdown, Taker with a Complete Shot. Big boot only gets 2 and the Chokeslam only gets 2. Desperation becomes stubbornness as 2 attempts at Hell's Gate is countered twice into Package-bombs. Kimora Lock! but Undertaker counters into one of his own. the hold broken, F5 again only gets 2. German suplex and other 1. Punches on the turnbuckle and the Last Ride. Tombstone and ... then what we never thought would happen!
Lesner counters into the F5 AND DESTROYS THE LEGEND!

WINNER:BROCK LESNER.
TWENTYONE.
AND ONE!

In Front of a stunned silenced crowd, after a life-time, after being a constant for 80% of WrestleMania's existence, the words no-one thought would ever speak, THE STREAK...IS OVER!
Taker rises and gets a standing ovation, We Will never see the Likes of Him again!

Divas championship was a 14-women one fall clusterfuck! No thought went into this whatsoever!
AJ Lee, of course! won but would you honestly see any of these Total(ly Useless) Divas having the belts?

This WrestleMania can be Described as 1 word, Bittersweet. Yes Daniel Bryan the title won despite the odds, but the Streak shattered has left a void for Manias to come! This Mania was great the main card was supported well by the undercard. This was changing of the guard moment, Wyatt looked a threat, A.J's title is losing it's luster, Cesaro has a catalyst to turn face and win the MiTB Briefcase, according to Mick Foley, and BRYAN IS CHAMPION. CLEANLY. WITH NO BULLSHIT IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS!

So i'll WrestleMania 30 the same way I ended The Caffeinated  Coup in August.
"FUCK YOU HUNTER, FUCK YOU!"

The final card for Wrestlemania 30

Well, after reading the smackdown spoilers, it's clear that no other matches have being made or altered. so as is, at time of writing, the complete Card for wrestlemania 30. All matches are placed in descending importance.
QUALIFYING MATCH FOR THE FINAL PLACE IN THE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
DANIEL BRYAN VS TRIPLE H
It's the match the IWC wanted to see, but were to afraid to ask! To say Bryan is riding high coming into Louisiana is an Understatement. The only thing Triple h who will be pelted with scorn can do is job or Win cleanly, but there's little chance of that happening!
Money on: Bryan

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
TBD VS SHITISTA VS BLANDY BORETON(C)
Bryan has to win! does anyone honestly want to see Hunt-uh and his two biggest boot-polishers recreate the Fingerpoke of Doom?
GOOD SCENARIO: BRYAN
BAD SCENARIO: FING-UH POKE OF DOOM-UH!

THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION BIG LANGSTON AND 19 OTHERS WILL COMPETE FOR THE ANDRE THE GIANT TROPHY IN THE ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL
So the guy's who didn't get a match will be put in battle royal? They've being doing that for 9 years! don't you watch the dvd release anyway the only wrestlers having any interview time about the Battle royal is Big Slow and GOBSHITE FROM MTV! So they are the favourites! come back Andre, all is forgiven!
MONEY ON: BEING UP FOR THE GOOKER OR THE POOCHIE!

THE UNITED STATES  CHAMPION DEAN AMBROSE, ALONG WITH ROMAN REIGNS AND SETH ROLLINS, WITH FACE HUNT-UH'S BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE, NAMELY THE BIG RED IMMOBILE SLAB OF CORPORATE MEAT KANE, AND THE OLD AGED OUTLAWS
If you thought that the Shield's face-turn was a way to tell us that they would not be splitting up, well they got you! They are still splitting up and may do so on Sunday.
MONEY ON: BROWN TONGUE BRIGADE!
REAL MONEY ON: Ambrose turns on others, or Ambrose and Rollins turns on reigns. Either way, Reigns Becomes single Babyface.

PRE-SHOW 4 WAY TAG TEAM MATCH
THE BOO-SUCKS(C) VS THE REAL AMERICANS VS LOS LATINOS STEREOTYPICOS W/MINI MANTAUR VS RYBAXEL
Well, Vince doesn't care so why should I, When I can't watch it?
WINNER: WHO CARES! (BUT I HOPE REAL AMERICANS)

THE CRUISERWEIGHT OPEN
FUTURE ENDEVOURED CLASS OF '14
VICKIE GUERRERRO DIVA INVITATIONAL
THE ENTIRE DIVA DIVISION (PLUS SOME TALENTLESS SKANKS YOU THOUGHT WERE FIRED!)
Oh 7 year rule! you always think no-one remembers the terrible, terrible shit you try to bury!
obliviously they wont put 2 battle royals on the same show, so this must be a ELIMINATION MATCH! much like that terrible match back at WM25 that birthed the SHITE-tina gimmick , all the divas will have 1 entrance I assume giving no real identity to any of these girls, apart from skin colour and skimpiness of outfits
MONEY ON: AJ

THE STREAK!
BROCK LESNER VS THE UNDERTAKER
Lesner has returned to wwe to wrest the grip of the wwe title out of the champions hands to no avail. But Lesner has become champion the youngest ever and will always be remembered, so what else can the Beast Incarnate take?
IMMORTALITY!
If Brock could do the impossible, and conquer the undertaker, then his name will be etched in infamy. But many have said that and many has doubted the taker before. Therefore I can't call it!
TOO CLOSE TO CALL!

BRAY WYATT LOSES TO...I MEAN VS JOHN CENA
What is wrong with this picture? Cena not in the main event? In all seriousness this is a career defining match for 1 Bray Wyatt. With Mark Crozier and The Rels playing Wyatt to the ring, Wyatt may also have a more grandiose entrance than we are use to. but no fireworks please! As for the match, yeah standard Cena affair, but I'm sure Wyatt would be 3-for-3 for having the best match of the night.
MONEY ON:THE FUCK YOU THINK?

Well that's me done. I'm off to get enough snacks and stuff to fully enjoy this Sunday the 6th of april at Midnight GMT.