SO YEAH.....NOT PISSING AWAY 4 HOURS OF MY LIFE EVERY MONTH WALKING AROUND MY HOUSE IN THE EARLIER HOURS TO FIND A SIGNAL, JUST TO WATCH A SHOW A LIVE SO I CAN COMPETE WITH AMERICAN CONTENT CREATORS!
SO IF ED SENDS HIS EXECUTIVE/GUARD-DOG, THE FAILED SONGWRITER! AFTER ME AGAIN, THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE!
#FUCKYOURAPP!
On the Preshow, Asuka and Charlotte lost the women's tag belts to Shayna Baszler and Nia Anti-Vax! Thanks in-part to Ric Flair and Lacey "JonBenet" Evans. This is gonna a storyline that ends in a wrestler wedding which will end in a food fight and/or R-truth Buffoonery! More on R-Turd later!
We Open with the WWE championship and I'm Glad Not only did Drew Retain against Oldberg but they kept it this short. any longer and Drew would look Weak, no matter who won!
Can someone please Put Corey Graves On a Leash whenever Carmella comes out? He was Practically ready to jump on her and Do the deed on worldwide television? At least Downplay the fact that Carmella Wrecked the Graves Home! Ok maybe not put him on a leash....
Anyway....Carmella is the drizzling shitz, if this was the attitude era, she would be a show in with all the hair-pulling and preening, this match was the proverbial blood from a stone. And A stone is probably more ring-ready than Carmella!
So now it's the Women's Rumble. If you are new here I only do full Play by play of the Rumbles at nothing else. Why is King Pervert out here?
#1 BAYLEY
#2 A RETURNING NAOMI
Bayley reminds Naomi that it was her who put her on the shelf, Rear View by Naomi.
#3 BIANCA BEL-AIR
Drop Kick to Bayley. Spinebuster and moonsault!
#4 BILLIE KAY
Who takes a seat at commentary the running joke being she is "auditioning" partners at ring side put it ignored and attacked. Congratulations, Billie! YOU ARE THE NEW HEATH SLATER!
#5 IS SHITZI BLACKFART, THE FIVE DOLLAR POOP GIRL! IN HER Tank and she fires a tennis ball at Billie! Missle Dropkick
#6 IS THE NEW WOMEN'S TAG CHAMPION SHAYNA BASZLER WHO INTIMIDATES BILLIE! #7 TONI STORM JUST IGNORES HER FELLOW OZZIE!
Storm enters to a rear view. Shotzi is eliminated first!
#8 IS JILLIAN HALL
so congratulations again Billie, they split you from your established team to pair you with someone with a MORE ANNOYING VOICE THAN PEYTON!
RUBY RIOTT , VICTORIA, PEYTON ROYCE SATANTA GARRETT AND WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WAS WEARING AND LIV MORGAN ARE NEXT!
Billie ran a foul of every partner she had and It lead to Jillian and Billie eliminated
#14 RHEA RIPLEY
Big Boots by Ripley who is cleaning house! Storm is eliminated and Victoria puts over Shayna's power by being eliminated by a sleeper and being dumped Helplessly to her elimination!
#15 half way mark it's Charlotte!
Foldaway slam by Charlotte to riot who is then eliminated!
#16 DANA BROOKE IS NEXT AND LIV IS ELIMINATED
#17 IS TORRIE WILSON
....WHO DOES NOT AGE! SERIOUSLY! HER, VICTORIA, AND LILIAN GARICA MUST HAVE DORIAN GRAY-ESQUE PORTRAIT IN THEIR ATTICS TO STAY THE WAY THEY DO!
Dana "Low IQ" Brooke tried a Huracanrana on the ring apron and got eliminated when it was countered!
#NUMBER 18 COMING OUT TO RIC FLAIR'S MUSIC WITH FLAIR IN TOW. LACEY JONBENET EVANS IN CHARLOTTE'S ROBE!
...Charlotte cant stands no more and attacks Lacey on the ramp. In the confusion Peyton is eliminated! Torrie is too!
MICKIE JAMES IS 19TH AS BAYLEY IS ALSO GONE! NIKKI CROSS AND HER SHITTY SITCOM MUSIC IS NEXT!
Tornado DDT!
ALICIA FOX....BUT HER COMES R-TURD, THE CATERING CHAMPION AND EVERYONE IN CATERING!
WINNER AND NEW CATERING CHAMPION: ALICIA FOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXX
Alicia is gone and pinned by truth AS MANDY ROSE IS 22
WINNER AND NEW CATERING CHAMPION: R-TRUTH!
#23 DAKOTA KAI
Women's Right eliminates Mickie
#24 IS CARMELLA
Dakota is gone, then Mandy and Nikki too!
#25 TAMINA STILL WORKS HERE!
Tamina Decks Reginald and Low IQ Carmella eliminates HERSELF BY JUMPING OVER THE TOP ROPE TO CHECK ON HIM! OUR TOP HEEL IN THE DIVISION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
#26 IS THE TAPEWORM!
#27 IS ALEXA, WHO WAS TRYING TO DO HER TRANSFOMATION, BUT SINCE THIS IS RUMBLE MATCH, RHEA WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU!" AND THREW HER OUT!
#28 EMBER MOON WHO CAME OUT TO HER OLD TITANTRON....GOD DAMMIT KEVIN DUNN!
#29 IS NIA ANTI-VAX
Lacey, Moon, Naomi and Tamina all Victims of the Bad Botch Machine and her Superior Immune System from a magic Carpenter in the Clouds!, the Champs turn on each other and Shayna is done, then the FUCKING TAPEWORM eliminates Nia!
#30 IS NATTIE!
FINAL ELIMINATIONS!
THE LAST MAN STANDING MATCH....
Backstage GOBSHITE FROM MTV! and John "I WILL PERSONALLY GIVE TRUMP THE LAST BRICK OF THE BORDER WALL!" Morrison try to cut a deal with Bad Bunny. Giving what Morrison Said in Mexico for cheap heat years ago, He should never talk to a Hispanic Person ever Again!
30 MAN ROYAL RUMBLE
As Announced NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE EDGE AND RANDY ORTON, WHOSE ANIMOSTITY HAS LED THEM TO FIGHT ON THE RAMP!
NEXT IS SAMI ZAYN!
 |
| vINCE mCMAHON iS nOT pUSHING hIS tRUMP sURRORTER wORLD vIEW wHEN hE bOOKS sAMI! |
FOLLOWED BY MUSTAFA ALI AND JEFF HARDY!
RKO'S ON EVERYONE BUT ORTON EATS A SPEAR, MAKING ORTON SPILL TO THE OUTSIDE, DDT ON THE TABLE AND EMTS DRAG ORTON OUT!
#6 IS DOLPH ZIGGLER
And in a shock, Hardy is eliminated 1st! I'm surprised they didn't eliminate Sami or Mustafa by stabbing them with a flag pole!
NAKAMURA AND THEN CARLITO!
Backstabbers by the creator of the move
#9 XAVIER WOODS
Woods looking for receipt on Ali
#10 IS FORMER NEW DAY MEMBER, BIG E
Midnight Hour on Sami and it's enough to have in eliminated
#11 JOHN MORRISION
Woods gets eliminated by Ali, who pays for it when big E Eliminated him.
# 12 RICOCHET IS CHASYN A DREAM HOPEFULLY NOT A VELVETEEN ONE!
#13 ELIAS in with a Drift Away
#14 DAMIEN PRIEST!
He hits Reckoning and Elias is Singing the blue over the top rope!
#15 GOBSHITE FROM MTV WHO DESTROYS BAD BUNNY'S DJ SET AND HIM AND MORRISON ARE ALL READY GONE, BUT TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, BAD BUNNY DOES A SHITE LOOKING DIVE ONTO THEM....
THIS IS FUCKING MARQUEE MATCH AT MANIA, ISN'T IT?
#16 MATT RIDDLE SMOKES TREES DON'T TELL THAT TO....
#17 DANIEL BRYAN
#18 KANE KNOWS A THING OR TWO ABOUT BEING TOASTED TOO!
Chokeslam Ziggler and Ricochet gone, but KANE IS GONE TOO
#19 BARREN FORESKIN
My pick Shinsuke is gone! shame!
#20 OTIS IS GONE ALREADY!
#21 SPEAKING OF BIG LOADS! HERE COMES DOMINIK!
Who has a "Maven Moment" eliminating Corbin by himself, Edge gets a Stiff Kick by Riddle
#22 BOBBY LASHLEY
Dom is done and A Priest gets Excommunicated!
#23 HURRICANE HELMS AND PAR THE COURSE HE'S DONE IN 60 SECONDS!
#24 CHRISTIAN IS MEDICALLY CLEARED TO COMPETE!
It's a team effort to remove Bobby Lashley. Unprettier by Christian
25 is AJ STYLES WITH HIS MASSIVE BODYGUARD, OMOS! THEN 26 IS REY
Omos is a difference maker who directly eliminates Big E. THEY SHARE A STAREDOWN! NOT THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE AT MANIA, OMOS FINALLY IN A MATCH!
#27 IS LAME-ARSE!
10 Beats of the Bourain on Styles. 619 is Caught by Omos who saves Styles again!
#28 CESARO
Cesaro Swing on Sheamus who share a laugh moment before hand.
#29 SETH ROLLINS RETURNS!
Entering to trade uppercuts with Cesaro
#30 Braun Strowman
FINAL ELIMINATIONS
A RETURN TO THE TITLE PICTURE 10 YEARS IN THE MAKING, THE ONLY QUESTION REMAINS EDGE IS NOT ON A BRAND AS A HALL OF FAMER.WHO WILL HE CHALLENGE? RAW'S DREW MCINTYRE OR SMACKDOWN'S ROMAN REIGNS
WELL THAT'S IT!
IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER YOU CAN @REALENLI. THE NEXT WRESTLING REVIEW WILL BE IMPACTS NO SURRENDER ON THE WEDNESDAY AFTER IT'S AMERICAN RELEASE! THAT IS, UNLESS THE YEARLY ICECREAM REVIEW PREEMPTS IT!
UNTIL THEN, STAY SAFE, AND WEAR YOUR FUCKING MASKS!
It's currently after 6am on Sunday the 17th, and Hard to kill has being over for 2 hours. I have enough credit on my phone to not wait til tomorrow to do this, so... let's do this!
Nothing on the preshow worth merit, except Bryan Myers pulled Josh Alexander's headgear over his eyes for a quick win, and Madison Rayne announcing her retirement!
Matt Striker and D'lo Brown are better commentators than Josh Matthews and Madison, and I am so glad not to here their fake revulsion towards each other again!
Match one, a mixed tag between Rosemary and Crazy Steve versus Tenille Dashwood and Caleb with a K. And everyone asks me why I can't call him Kaleb or Kaleb with a K, and I spell it Caleb and say with a K. That's the Joke! A shitty joke but he calls himself that! He doesn't call himself Kaleb, he calls himself that stupid name!
Anyway, the whole Instagram Thing they doing with Tenille is stupid, and it being a nod to her Wwe run where all she did was take bikini pic in 7 star hotel on Vince's dime, is not going to win back support or matches if the same joke happens every match, that being pausing for selfies and getting rolled over, which was the finish here and EVERY SINGLE. DASHWOOD. MATCH!
Violent by Design. Jesus Christ, that faction name is Badass! The team comprising of Eric Young, Doering and Cody Deaner Destroyed Tommy Dreamer, Rhino and Cousin Jake in a Tornado Tag Match. This Doering guy is fucking beast, first time seeing him beyond him being a goon for Young...this man can Wrestle! Strong debut for VBD!
Impact women's tag tournament finals and it was shockingly enough, the 2 actual teams who went through! The cocky heel team of Kiara Hogan and Tasha Steelz, Vs the powerhouse duo of Havoc and Nevaiah, (and get use to not ever getting that name right!) This match was the Grace/Jazz match from 5 days ago all over again: a good competitive match ruined by a Rollup!
Steelz and Hogan, collectively known as Fire and Flavour (yes, I'm Terminally White, Flavour does not have two A's!) Are the new champions the belts hosted by Gail Kim and Madison Rayne.
After complaining that despite winning the X-cup does not guarantee a spot on the ppv, Ace Austen demanded competition. Scott D'Amore revealed Matt Cardona can put down his Dollies for 5 minutes and Wrestle. Cardona won!
I'm still calling it Impact Dinner Theatre, because here's Acey Romero in a Deerstalker hat, doing investigation to clear Larry D from shooting John E Bravo let this shit end!
After removing all seconds from the ring Deonna Purrazzo and Taya had a very good match! But Taya couldn't wrest the belt from Deonna as she fell victim to her double arm breaker, the Venus DiMilo!
The last 3 matches were terrible. First Ethan Page found himself on a cheep green screen against himself as the Karate Man, this match will KILL! Jim Cornette from an anuyism if you showed this to him!
Next was the Barb Wire Massacre or was it The Dumi Callahan Wet Dream Match? Finally Eddie got his receipt for ever having to work with Mr Buy my Attempted Murder T-Shirt for s second time!
Speaking of Cornette, Aew's TV deal in Britain in terrible! Aew is barely advertised, it's never on a fixed time, it's on a channel that cannot be recorded in Ireland, and to cap it all off, it's always on a crappy time after 1 am, so this must be a shock for Tony Khan for Aew to be on Ppv and it's not there's!
So for many Irish people we have to rely on other sources to tell us about AEW and Kenny aOmega is over hyped. All the stuff Cornette has said is true all the mugging, he could not look ahead once! When he was on the apron, and finish had him slipping instead of running the ropes and doing a pose like he wanted to be painted like one of those French Girls! The Club bet Team Impact!
Well that's it! Only 2 weeks til the rumble, and looks like Mania has being moved to April, but that means I have 2 Impact plus shows between the Rumble and then.
Drop me a line or give me a follow on Twitter @RealEnli, for wrestling, Wordgames or more likely me shitposting about thick people on gameshows!
PEACE!
I have being avoiding Spoilers Since Sunday,Almost impossible because Premier FORGOT! to tell have their PR guys Tell SKY the listings have changed! They only acknowledged that This and Hard to Kill was on Premier sports this week...YESTERDAY!
3 days til hard to Kill lets start the Set-up now!
The Bulk of this event is the Super X cup Tournament and with no Crowd the wind deflated from the sails of this event too Quickly, Not helped by the wrestlers doing 2 (and in the case of the finalists, 3) exact copies of their entrances. it was like watching a wwe video game! So first match was some dip in the Suicide costume and no it's not TJP-TJP IS MANIK, AKA JOCKSTRAP FACE AGAIN! Manik of course being the Suicide Gimmick re-imagined so if Manik faced Sui-SHITE, Would the world be swallowed up by a Black Hole? So anyway even though it looks like Mad man Fulton slipped knux to Ace Austen, Austen won cleanly...which make me wonder why the hell did they do a close up of Fulton puts his hands into Austen's like he slipped a weapon?
Second match was unsigned Blake Christian vs The also unsigned KC Navarro. Blake Christian look like a daywalker and KC Navarro seemingly bathes in Tango. Seriously the last time i saw a person that orange it was telling people to drink Bleach! they introduced themselves in interview's. Blake is an underdog face who sound's like a bored teenage girl and Navarro is bigging himself up as a cocky Millennial heel, who has preening and facials down pat. Finish was Blake Knocking out KC with a Buckle bomb so dangerous, even Seth Rollins would call him out! Followed by a twisting Splash!
Despite a technical Display by Daivari he was no match for the power game of Cousin Jake, who is going it alone, since Cody Deaner joined Eric Young!
Crazzy Steve beat Tre Lamarr, who we are told was trained by Johnny Gargano. who wrestled as interesting as Johnny Sameface looks!, this was a squash!
Second round straight away, and despite turning the Fold into a foldaway Powerbomb, The numbers game was too much for Jake. Ace Austen continues.
Steve and Blake have the same problem: they can allow work a match one way against opponents there size and after seeing them already, I've seen everything they do. And it being in an empty arena really didn't help matters! Blake won, and didn't write any notes as i thought this was gonna be a squash match!
MATCH OF THE NIGHT!
Jordynne Grace and Jazz may not be in the tournament for the women's tag belts in mere days time, but before she bows out Jazz, who's list of accomplishment are as long as my lifespan, faced her former partner in a spirited sportsperson-ship match. It was a great match with both looking great. Both matched power, both had good back back and forth, the only thing wrong was the finish, the fucking rollup by Grace! a dirty rotten move in a face-vs face match, where one is retiring and ended post-match with a hug and no heel turn by Jordynne
#BANTHEFUCKINGROLLUP!
Austen wins the Super X cup without help from Fulton, so he will face Jockstrap face in the future
I QUIT MATCH Between Moose and Willie Mack was an Angle and a shitty one at that, World's champion Rich Swann came out to tell Moose to stop hurting his friend, because mack's arm was bleeding heavily and Moose Replied he wants a shoot as the title. Swann agrees and Moose...QUITS IN A QUIT MATCH DESPITE BEING THE AGGRESSOR!
....SIGH!
I WAS TOO SAY THAT THE SHOW ON SATURDAY WILL BE BETTER BUT THAT SHOW HAS A WRESTLER FIGHTING HIMSELF ON PPV!
I will see you On Monday with all the fallout and hopefully Hard to Kill isn't Hard To Watch!
Follow me On twitter @RealEnli
Just a quick note for you all that I am back! Sort of!
Personal Real Life Issues after the holidays are delaying me from doing a full Code Lyoko Return to the past this month. Luck has not being my Lady last week. So Because of what i am about to reveal. AT MINIMUM ONLY 3 RETURN TO THE PAST EPISODES WILL BE WRITTEN UNTIL MARCH!
A NEW FAMILIAR WAY OF DOING THINGS!
As of October, Premier Sports have bought the rights to partially televise Impact including the Impact Plus specials and live ppvs. The Impact Plus Special are televised in Britain on Tuesdays, 3 days after Britain.
I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!
my bone of contention with Impact was showing the ppvs SIX DAYS LATER!, and 1 day after the Results show at that!. So Strap in Boys, we are a 2 company results blog once more!
SCHEDULE FOR ENLIGHTENED TOWERS TIL APRIL
With the Increase of PPVS. (YES you read right, Months that contain Big 5 pay-per-views have 3 ppvs televised in Britain!) the possibility as i am writing post 456, that i can get to 500 posts either by this year or this time next year is a challange that is irrisistable! I will update the indenity of the 500 post if and when this milestone is achieved!
SCHEDULE FOR BOGGER BOX OFFICE TIL APRIL!
HOUSEKEEPING!
In February, the Story elements of some of my Reviews will be added. Please follow my twitter (@REALENLI) in February for links when certain Reviews are remastered!
REVIEWS THAT ARE BEING REMASTERED
Given the Times we live in, I have all right to cancel or postpone any works in order to inoculate myself with the Covid Vaccination, as soon as it is scheduled in my home town. A lot of those reading this are fellow content creators. If not for you, do it for those who read or watch your content, and consider cancelling a post when the Health Board gives you a date for the Vaccine.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. AND I WILL SEE YOU ALL FOR THE FIRST IMPACT PLUS OF 2021!
Welcome to the last wrestling post of 2020, currently being done over 23 hours. With all that has gone on this year, the surprise announcement that tna ppvs are free in Britain again, mean as you read post number 445, that the 500 post will be a thing in either 2021 or 22!
Quick rundown of bfg!
Deaners bet the Rascals on the preshow. Once again I will state the " that 70s show gimmick of the Rascals ruined Desmond Xavier.
6-way Scramble was a clusterfuck, Rohit Raju retains x-division belt.
Rhino was the first to come and the last to go in the Call Your Shot Gauntlet, earning a title shot of his choice, but also giving Heath a job, while saving his own.
Cinematic match between Moose and Ethan Midcarder was the shits, but it shows that it was Ec3 who is Radicalizing THE GROUP WE CALL RAWTIFA! It was all a lesson for Moose to take wrestling seriously and not as a second paycheck after NFL, so moose won...I guess?
Eddie vs Shamrock was a great match...until Dumi Calahan ruined it with his hacker blackout gimmick, and on distraction shamrock won
Best match of this morning, the fourway tag match, Shelley was taken out by Josh Alexander, and Sabin had to go it alone!
But it was too much for him, and outnumbered by 3 full teams, the North regained their titles!
Su Yung and Rich Swann are Husband and Wife Champions, long before Mr and Mrs Sameface had a look in! Su replaced Kylie Rae to beat Deonna Purazzo and Swan bet Eric Young in a tetonic paced anticlimatic match!
So that was Bfg when you read this later it will be from me on Monday morning!
***********************************
23 hours later and I'm back with last night's Wwe Hell in A Cell. So let's get down to it!
The bizzare choice to open with the Wwe Universal champion match was a blessing in disguise given what will happen later on.
Roman Retained against Jey Uso, which was expected, but the brutality involved and the pluckiness of the Challenger, was some of the best heel and face work I've seen in a long time. When Jey passed out, the ref tries to stop the match, this sends Roman to take out the ref and have officials storm the ring. Finish was Jimmy put in the Guillotine in front of Hey, who quits to save his brother, as Afa and Roman's father Sika approves all this. A Strong opening...too bad the 3 cell matches where the 3 slices of bread of a Double Decker Shit Sandwich!
Elias returns and also his Jobber to the Stars Status, being beaten by Jeff Hardy.
Even Stevie Wonder in a Dark room at night, saw the betrayal of Otis by Tucker a mile off! As if 2020 wasn't bad enough, we may have GOBSHITE FROM MTV! as champion again, thanks Vince!
The second cell match was the women's title bout, and the offence was innovative. I never seen moves like those in the cell and possibly never from anyone else. Sasha wins, earning her Grand Slam.
Next was the open challenge that the Hurt Business made on the preshow. But the stakes we're higher they chose Bobby Lashley, the U.S champion, so it's now a title match so they chose Retribution's weak link, the masked midget, Slap-Nuts...I mean....Slapjack! This was a squash pure a simple!
Finally a big brutal brawl to end it all as Randy Orton put the end to Drew McIntyre's breakout title run! It ended on the roof and they brawled a bit there but the finish was the rko on Terra firma. Randy Orton is tied for second for the most title reigns ever!
So that 2020...and it can kiss my ass!
Enlightened towers is now closed til 2021. You can still see my handiwork on boggerboxoffice where I tear through bad films, or just keep in the loop by following me on Twitter @RealEnli
So until January 6th....
This is Eamonn Bermingham telling you to keep on keeping on, be good to each other, and WEAR YOUR GODDAHM MASKS!
RAW ROSTER FOR 2020/21
WWE CHAMPION: DREW MACINTYRE
WWE RAW WOMEN'S CHAMPION: ASUKA
WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION: BOBBY LASHLEY
WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: THE NEW DAY*
WWE WOMEN'S CHAMPIONS: BASZLER AND JAX
24/7 CHAMPION: R-TRUTH
UNIVERSAL CHAMPION: ROMAN REIGNS W/PAUL HEYMAN
WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S CHAMPION: BAYLEY
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: SAMI ZAYN
SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: THE STREET PROFITS*
MONEY IN THE BANK HOLDER: OTIS
*(prior to the draft The New day were smackdown champions and Street Profits were Raw tag champions. A Tradeover ceremony was conducted by Road Agent Adam Pierce On Raw Last night!)
Look how Shallow the Women's talent pool is on Smackdown! dear oh dear!
Until Hell in A cell this is Eamonn Bermingham, Signing off!
PEACE!
