"Suddenly it Appeared on it's own: The Hollywood!"
2 nights of wrestling action, and I'm Suffering through the flu, to get this out for you.
This year Becky G sang the National Anthem....which is nice I guess. Last year they had one of the less famous Wahlbergs read off Idiot Cards, This year it's Kevin Hart collecting a check.
Speaking of Collecting a check, here is Gobshite from MTV, and Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg looked uncomfortable, he must be really off his tits when he agreed to do this.
And now to the United States Championship match between, John Cena Vs Austin Theory.
"I had to reach up to get to the Cherry on top. (Pop!) In the Mouth, it was lovely!"
Cena should either lay off the Spray on hair, or the Jog to the ring, because his bald spot was revealed later. Cena came out with Make-A-Wish Kids. It was a nice sentiment, but I'm sure L***n P**l Attempted to sell them Gambling Apps and Bitcoin, because he did that! Anyways great Opening match, with Theory winning a well deserved win! The sky's the limit once again for "The Now"
Next the LAAAAAZZY BOOKING Four-way match!
"Slowing down, Are You?"
Titus O'Neill joined commentary, introduced as a hall of famer for winning a Warrior Award for his Charity Work. Let's not forget that Ultimate Warrior was Very vocal against gays and was a Bible Nut!
"A Bit Rich, But ok!"
Well this match happened!
Anyway, Street Profits won!
It's bad enough that L***n P**l is play wrestling, but it was revealed wearing a Crime Water Costume was the Failed Rapper who had that Fake Boxing Match, Ksidiot! Great! The Scammer probably cannot leave the Country for Mitb, so watch this homegrown Crim steal a push in London!
"No We Don't, No We Don't!"
To the match itself, I didn't watch it! I can't stand the Bastard! Seth Rollins won, but Fuck did it take forever!
Six Women's Tag match was next and we couldn't shake off the lag from the Four-way still. The faces had a Sin city Themed Video Package! Given how Vince's Indicted Best Friend thinks, I'm sure Vince is a big fan of prolific Racist and Sexist Frank Miller! So fuck Frank Miller too!
I was waiting for Trish to turn heel, but didn't. Other than that, the match was fine, I guess! Faces won!
Ok, they are going all in with this "Ex-Con Dom" as he came out in a Paddy wagon, Handcuffed. Bad Bunny was at ringside, so I'm sure his girlfriend now knows where he is! Also I feel dirty for saying this, but I enjoyed Michael Cole on commentary!
Rey and Snoop made an entrance in a Low Rider as "Lie, Cheat, and Steal" played. I cried!
This dissolved into run in the match, Angie Got involved, Judgement Day got involved, the Luchasuits got involved! All to sell kids Cereal! This match, featuring a Prison Bitch, a Cult and Snoop Dogg, A SUSPECTED MURDERER! Was the March chosen to sell Cinnamon Crunch!
So Dom was Beaten like he dropped the Soap.
"And Everything was Lovely Once Again. Wonderful!"
Next was match of the Night: Rhea Ripley Vs Charlotte.
A great back and forth match, between the top women, a do-over from 3 years ago. The one grievance I've said before is I find Charlotte doesn't cut it as a face is that Charlotte can come across as "Gollum" like. And sure her sourpuss and shrieking voice came to the Fore. The crowd Double Turned them, as the Crowd awoke to a Super Riptide.
But they Couldn't leave it alone.
Miz made an open challenge and out came Pat McAfee. And McAfee got help by SOME NFL GUY!
And finally, long term Storytelling that finally paid off! After some RAPPER GUY PLAYED SOME AUTOTUNED SEX MOANING THAT WAS NOT THE USOS MUSIC (Seriously Does anyone know who he is so I can tell him to Fuck Off?) I would have opened the second night with this match myself, with the same result. But everyone had a lot to prove. Years of the Usos not being on the main card, of Owens being in a comedy match with a broken down Stone Cold. To Sami being the piñata to Vince's Hate Boner for Muslims. (AND YES, I STILL HAVE THE OPINION THAT SAMI'S MASTER STRATEGIST WAS RACIALLY MOTIVATED!)
But that is all behind them now, and what was given was A raw and emotional match. Lots of Loyalty, Doubt and Taunting, make a lot off body language between moves. But the Usos lost and the best part. They got it right: Sami got the win!
Under the Stars, like all things, the passage of time would bring us closer to the next day or our last!
THE WRESTLEMANIA HOLLYWOOD SECOND HELPING'
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Night two and we start again with anthem, Kevin Hart and Miz and Snoop Dog.
"Yes here we go again! I tip the jug to get that sweet juice....
Well, if this match isn't a Premonition of Brock Lesnar's Future, I don't know what is! Brock Vs Omos opens Night 2. Brock tried to get a Competitive match our of Almost, but guess what. You can't polish a turd! 3 German Suplexes, F5 and I'm Sure Brock is on the next plane back to Saskatoon for Moose Season.
"Next was some Jelly Stuff and Actually, that wasn't very Nice."
So the next match was the LAAAAAZZY BOOKING FOUR-WAY FOR THE GIRLS ! And there was ever going to be one team winning this, Ronda Rousey and Shayna Bazsler.
The moment, Gunther Rolled out of the ring after only one dropkick, I knew this was going to be: 2 men doing moves until the the third runs interferes. 2 takeaways. Gunther is over, the crowd CLEARLY! Wanted a Singles Match. But no, watch Lex Drewger and Lame-Arse get a revenge match at Wrestlemania Backlash, while the IC blet gets put back in the box. And 2-can we have Titus O'Neill on commentary full time?
Finally we get to the good stuff! Asuka vs Bianca Belair. This rivalled the Charlotte/Ripley match for spectacle and athleticism. This was given a lot of time considering we only had two matches left...At the time! I'm shocked Bianca Retained, But I guess, Wrestlemania Backlash is Finally admitting to that, a shameless pay-per-view full of rematches. so we need a Marquee Match I guess.
Next was the Hell in the cell. and What where Edge and Finn Wearing In their Entrances. Edge was wearing cloth bat wings and a Tin foiled Mask and Finn was Wearing a Mini-Skirt!
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| "There. I'm glad I Don't look Stupid wearing this." |
Five second after locking up and breaking the Hold. Edge and Finn just went "Fuck it!" and started filling the cell with Weapons. YOU DON'T NEED TO ADD WEAPONS! THE CELL CAN BE USED AS A WEAPON! YOU'RE SPOILING THE BROTH HERE!
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| "I'm going to be So Boring, Eamonn will have no choice, but to go back to Bed" |
Thankfully I record everything I plan to review to Due the time Zone difference so I Did see the match. Meh. I didn't miss Much. And I wish I didn't Know the Cells had a platform for the workmen to stand on for Assembly, Because everyone will jump off from now on!
Every Year It's the same, the Hall of fame, You have People who Deserve it-Like Rey, Muta, Tim White. Even Andy Kaufman,-BUT WHO DID STACEY KIEBLER FUCK TO BE IN HALL OF FAME?
OH RIGHT!
GEORGE CLOONEY WHEN HE HAD HIS MIDLIFE CRISIS AND KIEBLER JUMPED ON HIS BONES TO GET PARTS IN SHITTY FILMS!
But it's now Time!
TO FINISH THE STORY!
Cody came out First and at Ringside are Brandy holding Baby Liberty, Cody's sister Teal, Cody's mother. And Brody Huber (Negative 1). Then Roman was Serenaded to the ring by 5 or 6 Piano players. Introductions in ring, Roman gets on the mic for his catchphrase which gets a pop. After a slap by Cody, Roman takes a powder and Heyman Sweeting him Up. Heyman was The Business on this night. Good Back and Forth, and the turning point was Solo Taking Cody's Belt From Brody and hitting Cody with, Without the ref seeing it...BUT THE REF HEARD IT! The crowd Bought the Slowly I Turn and the look of Realization. Solo was Kicked out.
What happened to Roman was the Bedrock Confidence being eroded away. The spear-Countered, Superman Punch-Kickout. The Guillotine Choke, Usually the End all, Be all, Cody was the first to Break it. Superman Punch Staggers the Cody and knocked the Ref out. The Usos ambushed Cody, But the New Tag Champions Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn came out and ran them off. But not before hitting Finishers on the Champion. Finish was the ref regaining his bearings and Despite 3 Cross Rhodes done Three Amigos Style. Heyman Distracted the Ref. While Solo returned and hit Cody with a Running Samoan Spike, That's how you make that move look like it hurts!
And So the Story of the Chase by the Returning Hero. that is The Story that's Finished. and as Of the End of The Second Night of Wrestlemania Finished on 5:10 AM in Ireland, The Rest of the World has already woke up to Day 946 of Roman Reign's History Title Dominance.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
I WILL BE BACK TOMORROW WITH MY SUMMER SCHEDULE. PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AT @REALENLI BEFORE EEJIT-LON TURNS TWITTER INTO A VIRTUAL COUNTRY CLUB. OR You can follow me on the Mastodon.world server under the same, which needs love, if i'm being honest!
UNTIL NEXT TIME, PEACE!
