Night of champions results

26/7/09
Philadelphia, P.A.
SOLD OUT!

Legacy vs Chris Jericho and MYSTERY PARTNER
Jericho steals the mic of Lilian Garcia who gives him a look like "fuck this! I'm glad I'm leaving to work on my second album!" Jericho cuts a promo on edge, who got injured. he could be out for a whole year. but the mystery partner is big show who has a new look a Taz-like singlet and a Taz beard. he starts up with Cody Rhodes,who i sweare is one of the strangler monsters from Parasite Eve 2. this match has a stipulation this is a no holds USED match. as jericho flies to the outside rhodes does all his moves. are you ready?
punch
punch
kick
kick
punch
punch
kick
kick
THROW A FUCKING SUPLEX, RHODES!!!!
MY GOD!
well after that technical display (!) people are chanting for Jericho he tags show and thankfully the Colossal Clutch flushes this crap!
winners: jeri-show
**/5
if Legacy are the future of wwe then our future is fucked!

backstage cm punk cuts an interview making fun of the fans stating that Jeff Hardy fans are future druggies. he names all kind of thing that will lead to by supporting hardy. when punk mentions marijuana
there is a MARI-JUANA! (CLAP-CLAP-CLAPPY-CLAP!) chant that was funny!

ecw championship
TOMMY THE HUT(YES I LIKE STAR WARS SO WHAT!) VS Christian
big pop for dreamer but a bigger pop for christian. i wasn't expecting that!
two bitch slaps start this match. Christian tries Corner Pendulum kick but gets countered into neck-breacker ecw chants in the home of ecw E-C-DUB E-C-DUB E-C-DUB! FIGHTS ON OUTSIDE. Striker says that tommy had a barbeque with 200 of his fans are you sure that fat load wasn't eating all that food until fans showed up? crowd claps along to christian. tommy counters Killswitch into DDT Back into Killswitch ENGAGE!
winner and new ECW Champion...Christian
both the new and former champions bro-hug as the crowd cheers loudy! Great match! ****/5
Backstage big show says him and Jericho are not friends. Is'nt that what split up Jericho and Edge in the first place?

United state championship six pack challenge
Swagger vs Carlito vs Miz vs PRIMO? vs Mvp vs Kingston(c)
Primo is replacing Big show in this match i heard a good put down in the intro of this match

"They gave him the keys to the city. the next day they changed the locks!
this match is so quick i cant type the action fast enough. Miz works Kofi in the corner one thing that bugs me. why does that gobshite does a turn-table gesture? yes i know he was on a Mtv program BUT SINCE WHEN HAVE MTV SHOWN MUSIC?
any way the always exciting Tower of power-plex is pulled off. Kofi retains by pinning carlito.
winner:Kofi Kingston ****/5
Backstage:Orton bitches about big show very slowly

Womens championSHIT match
MicHHHelle McNotCool vs Melina
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oh yeah er...
Winner:mccool 0/5

wwe CHAMPIONSHIP
John FUCKING Cena vs HHH vs Randy orton(c)
Reason 86 why i hate cena: he calls himself the champ when he is'nt thats likw J.K Rowling calling her first book Harry potter:DONT WORRY THERE'S GOING TO BE A SHIT LOAD OF SEQUELS! IT GIVES THE PEOPLE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!
any way formal intros Cena booed hhh cheered orton booed. Orton leaves the ring to make cena and hhh fight each other.
it doesn't work.
anyway this match we've seen this match all year so i'll just skip to the end
HHH puts orton in a Sharpshooter while at the same time cena locks on the STFU (That's SUBMISSION THATS FUCKING USELESS)
Orton taps
Winner er.... wait legacy come down to help their chief man-bitch and Orton pins Cena
winner....Orton
5/5 stars because Cena didnt win.

Maryse Ouellet vs Mickie James
Toy womens belt
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i was asleep sorry winner James
Intercontinental Championship
Dolph ziggler vs Rey mysterio
Ziggler comes out with Maria Kannelis. is that Bimbo a heel now whatever she sits on a chair at ringside. i hope that chair isn't used as a weapon(!) Jim ross said that Dolph hold his colleges record for most pins 87 thats very impressive. this match is very quick and very exciting!
Ziggler has thrown rey to the side where Maria is sitting. now we know how this goes, the manager attacks the opponent. Ok Maria, hit him. HIT HIM!
or stand there looking pretty. Or as pretty as a MOUTHBREATHING BIMBO COVERED IN SLAP COULD LOOK I MEAN A WRESTLING CLICHE AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN DO IT!
of course in recent months all we hear about maria is that she has her new clothing range which she is wearing.
CLOTHES BY MARIA.
TAN AND HAIR BY TANGO!
and she has a feather in her WTF ISTHAT? is she a greek american indian whats her Indian name? Dancing With Strippers?
okay back with wrestling Dolph hits a cool gutbuster from the second rope but rey counters into 619.
winner rey
worlds championship
C.m. punk vs Jeff hardy
Only in wrestling you could hear BOOS for an anti-drug campaigner and cheers for a man whos house burned around him!
okay i'm out of time
Winner:hardy

night of champions Update!

The Real women's belt will be on the line

here is the match!

MicHHHelle McCool Vs Melina Perez-BEST OF INFINITY SERIES!

Really?

that's the best you could up with Vince?

A REMATCH?
THESE TWO HAVE BEING FIGHTING BACK AND FORWARD FOR A YEAR NOW I KNOW ITS ONLY THE WOMEN'S BELT! BUT PLEASE! A LITTLE VARIETY FOR NEXT MONTH?

THERE ARE 2 WORDS I WANT TO SAY THAT WILL MAKE THIS MATCH BETTER

Natalya Neidhart
SHE DIDN'T BULK UP TO HER DADS FIGHTING BODY FOR NOTHING! BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION LIKE CHOCOLATE COVER RASHERS(THAT BACON FOR YOU AMERICAN READING THIS)
OR I could even go as far as 3 words
Katie. Lea. Burchill.
This time last year she was challenging for the belt and now. she is in ECW. WITH HAS NO WOMEN'S TITLE BELT CONTENTION
Or i could even go as far as 4 words.
Hell. in. a. Cell.
A stipulation match is a great way to end a feud that goes on forever. granted Vince thinks that the stips for a women's match should always be beloved bikini match, or the brutal Item on a pole match or the vicious and should be banned MUD MATCH!

Riveting(!)
it should be the undertakers Hell in a cell why

Because allegedly she is knocking boots with undertaker!
WHO IS HAPPILY MARRIED WITH 3 YOUNG KIDS!
But if the rumours are true then MicHHHelle will have more backstage than HHHimself

still i will have the result for you hopefully monday.

keep on keeping on,
Eamonn.

NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS PREVIEW!

This Sunday is the one night that every title is on the line. this is a preview of night of champions. (all matches are written in title importance)

WWE championship thriple threat match:
Triple H vs randy orton(c) vs john HANDRARED BY VINCE Cena.
prediction: hhh

World heavyweight championship:
C.M. Punk vs Jeff hardy
MONEY ON: punk, so he can face morrision at summerslam, and tear down the fucking place!

ecw championship:
tommy dreamer vs "captain charisma" Christian cage
money on:dreamer because event is in Philadelphia where ECW was born!
Wishful thinking:Rowdy original ecw fans in audience. E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!

intercontinental championship
Rey mysterio vs Dolph ziggler
Money on: too close to call, but this will be good!

Six pack challenge for the U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP:
Kofi kingston (c) vs big show vs carlito vs mvp vs jack swagger vs THAT GUY FROM MTV!
Money on:mvp

Unified tag team championships:
priceless/legacy(Cody rhodes and Ted DiBiasie, jr) vs chris jericho and MYSTERY PARTNER!
here are my predictions for mystery partner!

1) Ziggler loses earlier but still leaves a champion
2) remember that Brian kendrick had a storyline that he was scouting for a partner to take the belts? do yo think creative remembers?
3) its orton the boss to Legacy, just to mess with our heads!

Real women's belt
a match has not being signed as of 3 DAYS before the event but this is my prediction of the match

micHHHelle McCool vs TALENTLESS NON-WRESTLING SKANK!
Money on:Mccool cause her dad is on the board of directors!

Toy women's belt: Mickie james vs Maryse Oullet
Money on: james

send me your comments please!

WELCOME TO THE MINDFUCK PART TWO

chapter 2
THE SWORD THAT FAINTS IN THE SIGHT OF BLOOD

i woke up in a dirty dungeon my hands in shackles.
next to me a man in a sleeveless sweeter and a knotted hankie over his head

wotz yer name
Eamonn
mines GUMBIE
who put me here?
the spanish inquistion did, so they did. they rules the kingdom of mindfuck , they do i can get you out wif magic!
anything!
and he said some magic words
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
we were now walking in a forest where the trees were toothbrushes. gumby was explaining the history of Mindfuck!
long time ago a war raged that rages to this very day! the gangs of keep left signs banded together to tried to control the rage of the killer cars. at first the Cardinal el Bastardo Rameriz tried to spread peace but it turned out he was selling weapons to both sides. engines for speed, all terrian tyres. bigger keep left signs.....for keeping left!
and now the world is falling apart.
but i can get you some supplies at the market then i can bring you to the temple of martial arts.

so i bought some supplies

• tins of spam
• parrot sarnies
• a climbing rope
• a tent
• a "go home you bastards!" shield
• and a sword. a special sword. it talks

it convince me to buy it. but after fighting a man with a pieces of fresh fruit. sword fainted. the blade flopped downwards like it was made of rubber.

luclily gimbie bailed me out with his pointed stick!

Look of course i lied said Sword."do yo even know who long i've been at that marketplace? i'm not even a sword anyway, i'm an accountant an accountant who wanted to be a lointamer but i was eating by a lon and turned into a sword. but if could go to plothole i could turn back.

Our heroes venture towards the Great mountains. to the temple of martial arts to learn to learn the deadly arts of kendo, deja-fu, and the deadliest one of all joke telling. discover a dadly birthright in part 3

THE CRYPT OF THE LONG LOST JOKE!!!

WELCOME TO THE MINDFUCK! PART ONE

*DISCLAIMER*
THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF FICTION THIS IS AN ORIGINAL STORY/HOMAGE TO MONTY PYTHON. NO CULCHIES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS STORY.

in a packet of crisps was a competition to find the golden pouch. inside the message

CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE WON A CHEST OF DRAWERS!
A CHEST OF DRAWERS! WHERES MY FUCKING MONEY?

that night i went home and inside was my chest i won. now understand this i never sent away prize ticket so how did this chest get here.

naturally i opened a drawer to look inside and was drawn inside a wormhole!
as i hurdled towards the abyss i only had one thought on my mind.
will the place i land in have a toilet? because this expierence has scared the crap out of me!

part two:A strange world run by the spanish inquistion, and a on going between the killer cars and Gangs of Keep Left signs! As well as a market place were i buy weapons and supplies to travel towards the giant PLOT-HOLE TO return to the real world! the mindfuck continues in

THE SWORD THAT FAINTS IN THE SIGHT OF BLOOD!

python final countdown

4 The pearl harbour recreation society
Premise: a group of house wifes beat each other with there handbags

3. the Lumberjack song

im a lumberjack
and thats ok!
i sleep all night and i work all day!

a chorus line repeats line in the 2nd person

i cut down trees
i eat my lunch
i go to the lavotry
on wednesday i go shopping
and have buttered scones for tea.

chorus repeats line in 2nd person

hes a lumberjack and hes ok
he sleeps all night and he works all day

i cut down trees
i skip and jump
i like to press wild flowers
i put on womens clothing
and hang around in bars!

chorus line repeats line in 2nd person but looks at each other worryingly when they sing "he puts on womens clothing and hang around in bars?"

hes a lumberjack and hes ok
he sleeps all night and he works all day

i cut down trees
i wear high heels
suspenders and a bra!
i wish i was born a girlie!
just like my dear mama!

chorus line sing have way through before they leave giving abuse to the lumberjack

2 Nudge nudge wink wink
Premise: a streetwise jack-the-lad type annoys a posh man about his wife
so are you married
yes i am
does your wife...er....go does she go?
yes she does travel she's from torquay
torquay eh say no more say no more down south eh nudge nudge wink wink! say no more! well now does she have any hobbies?
what on earth do you mean?
is she into.....photography? holiday pictures?
posh man(angrily) WHAT I YOU TRYING TO IMPLY
Jack: i'm not saying anything i just want to know if you and your wife
WHAT???
had sex
yes!
and whats it like?

and the number 1 monty python moment is was there ever any doubt?

THE DEAD PARROT!

cleese: yes i have a complaint
Palin: and whats the problem?
i bought a parrot an hour ago and look at him
oh is he asleep?
hes not asleep he's dead!!
(Palin pushes the cage) look he moved
he did not!
look he is asleep!
with his eyes open!
when i sold you that parrot he was on that perch!
yes about that! On closer inspection i saw his feet were nailed to said perch
he's asleep!
he is not asleep look(cleese bangs parrot on counter and shouts in its ear)HELLO POLLY PARROT!!! see its dead
Now it is
look its being dead for hours its bit the big one, its played his last card, it shuffled of it's mortal coil and joined the choir invisible. it's an ex-parrot!

Palin: fancy a pint?
Cleese: thought you'd never ask....

join me for more python fun this month

monty python 9-5

at 9 THE KILAMANJARO EXPEDITION

PREMISE: a mountaineer is applying for a job for the eccentric sir bernard grape, who has double vision

mountaineer: and tell me who else is om my team?

Grape: oh, myself the two of you and brothers called johnson

mountaineer: Twins(!)
Grape: no Quads!

8. the dirty knife.

PREMISE: A proud waiter, maitre de and chef all commit suicide at the table of Palin who complained over a dirty knife
The punchline: a good thing i didnt say anything about the dirty fork!

7. SELF DEFENCE AGAINST FRESH FRUIT
PREMISE: clesse is a drill sergeant who has a vendetta/fear of people with fruit so he holds classes.
now today we are going to defend against fresh fruit
class lets off a sigh
Sergeant: whats the matter?
we've done fruit sir
IDLE: cant we do pointed sticks?
oh mister high and mighty wants to do pointed sticks well dont come crying to me when you are attacked by a loganberry looney!

now the banana if someone attacks you with a banana first you disarm the banana, then you eat the banana you mister apricot
HARRISON!
What ever attack me with that banana and be vicious about it!

(Harrison lunges at the sergeant screaming and is then shot by the sergeant dead)
now you eat the banana!
you killed him!
of course he had a banana! now mister passionfruit
PETERSON!
ok peterson, have a banana i will show you how to arm your self without a gun
idle: with a pointed stick!
shutup!
(peterson attacks the sargent and is crushed by a 16 ton-weight)

now the smartman have a banana
no i dont want to die
i wont kill you
no guns
no
no weights
no
ok fine
(idle attacks the sergeant who pulls on a lever. idle is chased off stage by a tiger)
how do you like my tiger, eh what? better than a pointed stick!

6. crunchy frog
PREMISE: two policemen are called to a confectioner's shop to stop the production of some peculiar sweets.
crunchy frog its the bones that them crunchy!

5. the Hungarian phrase book
PREMISE: a Hungarian to English phrasebook causes outrage
shopkeeper how can i help you
hungarian: my record has a scrath
this is a tobacconist
oh! my tobbacco has a scrath!
no do you want to buy some tobacco?
(reads from book) do you want to come back to my place
what?
i want to take of your trousers!
(the tourist is arrested but the real culpit is the author of the book mr TEAPOT)
lawyer: i will now read from the book the hungarian pharse where is the train station transalates into the enligsh "please fondle my buttocks"
more coming up soon!

Monty python month begins now !

due to time issues, my post of the top ten moments will be a part-work so in any road, ITS!!!!

THE TOP TEN GREATEST MONTY PYTHON MOMENTS EVER

NUMBER 10. THE FOUR YORKSHIRE MEN!

PREMISE:4 sucessful men now living in south africa talk about there hard up-bringing however they end up trying to out do each other in there stories.

the joke:

1st man: if any one was so to tell us that we would be drinking cognac i would said you were joking in my day all i got for a schilling was a cup of tea!

2nd man: yeah a cup of cold tea!
3rd man: you were lucky to get a full cup i got a half cup of cold tea!
4th man: you were lucky to get a cup! i could only get a crumbled up newspaper full of tea!

well i was living in a house with hot water
you were lucky to have a house! we was living in a flat with 3 families and no hot water!
you were lucky to have a flat! we was living a corridor with half a floor and half a ceiling so you'll either die by falling down in the hole or got wet
you were lucky to have a corridor. we were living in shoebox with 100 people!

im my first job i was 10 years old working as a miner
you were lucky to be a miner, i was 10 months old when i was throwing dynamite!
you were lucky to be throwing dynamite! i was 10 weeks old and pushing carts!
you were lucky to be pushing carts! i was 10 days old and was a pit pony!

but if you told young people that they would not believe you!
stay turned for more great gags