2015 was an emotional year.
An Network made to unite became a tool of class division, The Biggest Idiot in Wrestling pretaped spoilers to her company's biggest show, and abeyance became the word of the year!
But despite this, we had a memorable WrestleMania a raucous Money in the bank, and TNA shows so ridiculous, they became talking points!
THE DISCO STU AWARD FOR DEBUT OF THE YEAR
ASUKA- DESTINED MEETING, THANKS TO DESIGNATED SEATING!
It was a wet summer morning when I was scouring through takeover clips, when a camera pan made me rub my eyes in disbelief, Kana was Sitting at ringside, and it sparked rumours, whet they existed or not, didn't matter as months later, she destroyed Dana " Lex Luger In Drag " Brooks!
THE MARGE VS VOILENT TELEVISION AWARD FOR FUNNIEST MOMENT
THE NEW DAY - OR HOW TO SUCCEED AS AN ALL ETHNIC GROUP WITHOUT MENTIONING GANGS, DRUGS, OR HIP HOP!
Don't ask me when swarmy smiling punching bags became a joy to watch, I'm just glad they did!
MAUD'S FUNERAL FOR SADDEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR
THE DEATH OF RODDY PIPER -LAY DOWN YOUR SILENT PIPES FOR NOW THEY PLAY FOR YOU!
From national heroes like Maureen O'Hara, to Literary heroes like Pratchett and Brian Friel not even Wrestlers were safe from the Celebrity Cull of 2015, we lost Nick Bockwinkel, Dusty Rhodes, but it was the death of a man who sufferings all his life, that got to me.
HER ASHES STOPPED THE MISSLE LAUNCH AWARD FOR EXIT OF THE YEAR
AWESOME KONG - GIVING IT ALL, LEAVING IT BEHIND FOR THE NEXT ONE!
Despite that joke of a final match, a loss to Jesse GlassJawz, It was revealed she was wrestling despite having back trouble ...FOR 2 YEARS!
MY PLANET NEEDS ME AWARD FOR GOOD RIDDANCE! DESTINATION AMERICA EXECUTIVES USING TNA TO HOCK THEIR SHITE WITHOUT RETURNING THE FAVOUR!
Many fans must have felt a twinge of embarrassment whenever time was given to A promo for BBQ Pit Masters with bbqs set at ringside, but the real limit was seeing Matt Hardy dressing as Bigfoot because TNA is on the Bigfoot Channel. it was worse over here, since those segments were badly edited out, so the entrance had magically appeared bbqs sets and fractured conversations.
THE 138TH FOR MATCH OF THE YEAR
MITB OWENS VS CENA - SHAKE YOUR HAND? I'VE KNOWN WHERE IT'S BEEN!
Blasting onto the scene Kevin Owens made one statement: He was not here to make friends. To prove that point, he destroyed his best friend, Sami Zayn and won The NXT Title by referee stoppage a wwe first. Then came a Blockbuster debut beating the hell out of Golden Boy In one hell of a feud this year. Superb stuff from the Canadian.
WORST EPISODE EVER! FOR STUPIDITY OF THE YEAR
THE DIVAS REVOLUTION - HARD TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY WHEN 2 BLONDE BIMBOS TAKE UP YOUR SCREEN TIME!
First Things First, the Diva's Division rightnow? Possibly the strongest and diverse roster we've had in a long time!
Sadly Creative has already Cooked the Goose before it laid any gold eggs!
Any matches that the divas did have, were shorter than expected, because more time was given to the Love Dodecahedron that was Lana/Rusev/Dolph/Dumber Rae/Breeze, turning all those Women involved, as a referred to previously, as "Hormonal Love Puppets!" Which was certainty not the direction we were supposed to be going!
THE POOCHIE AWARD FOR IDIOT OF THE YEAR -DIXIE CARTER -I'VE SEEN MAGIC 8-BALLS THAT GIVE BETTER GUIDANCE!
Was There ever any doubt?
From their "1st" show in January, (prerecorded in September last year), to the Pathetic Fan-Wank in North Carolina in October, Miss Carter's direction has made many cletch their fists, furrow an eyebrow, or just plain closed their eyes and wished it was all over, with mass filming of 10 shows, a TV station leeching time from matches, a certain hack of a champion who blocked me on Twitter, it was the fake tourney that was the breaking point. So somehow TNA has survived closer, but with a weakened roster, for how long?
THE BELLA AWARD FOR WORST FEMALE
EVA MARIE
BOXED CANCER!
From not kicking out properly, to mangling Simple English language ("You have a match...VERSE ME!) Eva earned her nickname, #AllBotchEverything!
THE MARGE FOR WOMAN OF THE YEAR
BAYLEY- NXT'S "LITTLE SISTER" COMES OF AGE
I felt Like my Fledgling years as a wrestling writer again, since $ky $ports fucked up NXT coverage, but sometimes a match comes out so good eventually it becomes available to everyone. The 30 minute Iron woman match between her and Sasha Banks was one such match.
THE HOMER FOR WRESTLER OF THE YEAR
SETH ROLLINS
THE ARCHITECT OF THE FUTURE OF WWE
Despite his reign booked poorly (I think his Loss/Win ratio as champion may have being a new record) He saved WWE from Brock Lesner's Lazy Self Serving Reign. Get well soon Seth, I can't take any more of Blowman smiling like he's in a Mentos advert!
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
THE 300TH POST: PRATCHETTOBER: 10 DISCWORLD ADAPTIONS THAT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER THAN GOING POSTAL!
when Colour of Magic(and by extension Light Fantastic) was finally adapted for television, I was so happy that my literary hero, Sir Terry Pratchett, was finally getting the mainstream appeal that seemed to allude him.
So like a fool suffering from the sickness that is common sense, i wait for Equal Rites to be made!
But instead of book number Three, Sky adapted book THIRTY-THREE!-Going Postal
No not the film by Uwe Boll, but this was just as bad!
Here was the show that no-one wanted, an adaption of the Discworld's red head step-child, a boring book about the resurrection of the post office!
No, Not That! the entire premise was "What did people collect before stamps existed?" That's it!
So this is my 300th post! A "what if?" post! we peer into the omniscope as we discover...
10 DISCWORLD ADAPTIONS, THAT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER THAN GOING POSTAL!
NUMBER 10
WITCHES ABROAD-ANIMATED BY A DISNEY RIVAL
As mentioned in my last post, Witches Abroad is about Tourism and Fairy tales and the villain of the piece is has turned a swampy tourist trap into a fairytale land where everyone is happy...under penalty of Death! Now doesn't that sound like a certain conglomerate found by a Nazi sympathizer with a Rat for a mascot?
NUMBER 9
A FILM OF THE AMAZING MAURICE
It all ready killed Harry Potter on the black and white, what if it could do that again on the silver screen, Not live action though, some of the Ratcather scenes were a bit...descriptive!
NUMBER 8
A "SUSAN" TV SERIES
Keep it centred around The events of Soul Music and Theif of time, and if succesful, original adventures!
NUMBER 7
THUD!
An Honourable Mention from the last one or at least an unofficial one! Terry's only real Politically charged Novel, The anniversary of The Discs Most bloody battle between the trolls and the Dwarves is near and tensions between the two species is at breaking point, As The Elections for Dwarf Low King and rumours of a prophesied Diamond Troll are the least of the worries for Tough Copper Sam Vimes, who is now a Lord and a father to young boy and to top off his new responsibilities, a living shadow has possessed him!
NUMBER 6
A DISCWORLD MMORPG!
LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY!
NUMBER 5
SKY TO RESUME MAKING DISCWORLD SHOWS BUT IN FUCKING CANON!
DITTO!
NUMBER 4
MOVING PICTURES AS A REUNION OF THE STARS OF HARRY POTTER
I See no-one else when it comes to making the spoof of the Golden Age of Cinema becoming the tool to summon Cthulhu. Maybe it's because Ponder was drawn like a Middle Age Harry Potter, maybe it's because Victor and Thilda are Redheads, but just the idea of Gring being the lead and Radcliffe being his sidekick would be fun to see!
NUMBER 3
WEE FREE MEN BY STUDIO GHILBI
Pratchett made very complex and strong female characters. Studio Ghilbi is also famous for female Protagonists, especially teenage ones. The Thought of Tiffany, the Feegle and the witches rendered into anime, oh it's a dream I wish Would come though!
NUMBER 2
DISCWORLD THE WESTEND MUSICAL
There is a companion guide called the Music Of Discworld...plus play versions of most of his novels...but tow and two have not being put together...YET!
AND MY NUMBER ONE DISCWORLD ADAPTION THAT HASN'T BEING MADE BUT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER THAN GOING FUCKING POSTAL IS...
A BIOPIC OF THE MAN HIMSELF!
I don;t know who would play Sir Terry, but his lasting legacy to fight Deforestation and Alzheimer's Disease would be inspirational.
WELL THAT'S IT FOR THIS YEAR!
This has being my last Post of 2015!
I'm taking this time to write up my Christmas Special at Bogger Box Office-Flintstones and the WWE Stone-Age Smackdown! All results on Survivor Series will be up on my tumblr, enlightenedtowers.tumbr.com!
THIS BLOG IS NOW LOCKED DOWN UNTIL JANUARY! BUT DON'T WORRY I HAVE SOMEONE ON THE CASE LOOKING AFTER IT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IgJiKN0JLo
So like a fool suffering from the sickness that is common sense, i wait for Equal Rites to be made!
But instead of book number Three, Sky adapted book THIRTY-THREE!-Going Postal
No not the film by Uwe Boll, but this was just as bad!
Here was the show that no-one wanted, an adaption of the Discworld's red head step-child, a boring book about the resurrection of the post office!
No, Not That! the entire premise was "What did people collect before stamps existed?" That's it!
So this is my 300th post! A "what if?" post! we peer into the omniscope as we discover...
10 DISCWORLD ADAPTIONS, THAT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER THAN GOING POSTAL!
NUMBER 10
WITCHES ABROAD-ANIMATED BY A DISNEY RIVAL
As mentioned in my last post, Witches Abroad is about Tourism and Fairy tales and the villain of the piece is has turned a swampy tourist trap into a fairytale land where everyone is happy...under penalty of Death! Now doesn't that sound like a certain conglomerate found by a Nazi sympathizer with a Rat for a mascot?
NUMBER 9
A FILM OF THE AMAZING MAURICE
It all ready killed Harry Potter on the black and white, what if it could do that again on the silver screen, Not live action though, some of the Ratcather scenes were a bit...descriptive!
NUMBER 8
A "SUSAN" TV SERIES
Keep it centred around The events of Soul Music and Theif of time, and if succesful, original adventures!
NUMBER 7
THUD!
An Honourable Mention from the last one or at least an unofficial one! Terry's only real Politically charged Novel, The anniversary of The Discs Most bloody battle between the trolls and the Dwarves is near and tensions between the two species is at breaking point, As The Elections for Dwarf Low King and rumours of a prophesied Diamond Troll are the least of the worries for Tough Copper Sam Vimes, who is now a Lord and a father to young boy and to top off his new responsibilities, a living shadow has possessed him!
NUMBER 6
A DISCWORLD MMORPG!
LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY!
NUMBER 5
SKY TO RESUME MAKING DISCWORLD SHOWS BUT IN FUCKING CANON!
DITTO!
NUMBER 4
MOVING PICTURES AS A REUNION OF THE STARS OF HARRY POTTER
I See no-one else when it comes to making the spoof of the Golden Age of Cinema becoming the tool to summon Cthulhu. Maybe it's because Ponder was drawn like a Middle Age Harry Potter, maybe it's because Victor and Thilda are Redheads, but just the idea of Gring being the lead and Radcliffe being his sidekick would be fun to see!
NUMBER 3
WEE FREE MEN BY STUDIO GHILBI
Pratchett made very complex and strong female characters. Studio Ghilbi is also famous for female Protagonists, especially teenage ones. The Thought of Tiffany, the Feegle and the witches rendered into anime, oh it's a dream I wish Would come though!
NUMBER 2
DISCWORLD THE WESTEND MUSICAL
There is a companion guide called the Music Of Discworld...plus play versions of most of his novels...but tow and two have not being put together...YET!
AND MY NUMBER ONE DISCWORLD ADAPTION THAT HASN'T BEING MADE BUT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER THAN GOING FUCKING POSTAL IS...
A BIOPIC OF THE MAN HIMSELF!
I don;t know who would play Sir Terry, but his lasting legacy to fight Deforestation and Alzheimer's Disease would be inspirational.
WELL THAT'S IT FOR THIS YEAR!
This has being my last Post of 2015!
I'm taking this time to write up my Christmas Special at Bogger Box Office-Flintstones and the WWE Stone-Age Smackdown! All results on Survivor Series will be up on my tumblr, enlightenedtowers.tumbr.com!
THIS BLOG IS NOW LOCKED DOWN UNTIL JANUARY! BUT DON'T WORRY I HAVE SOMEONE ON THE CASE LOOKING AFTER IT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IgJiKN0JLo
Friday, October 16, 2015
EPISODE 299: PRATCHETTOBER: 10 GREATEST DISCWORLD NOVELS!
WELCOME TO THEME MONTH, While Roald Dahl is the author of my childhood, Like who genaration would become Forever,
With the death of Terry Pratchett, his Discworld characters will become as immortal as those of Grimm, Dahl, Anderson, Tolkien, and Lewis.
But many have never read his books but you see, now is the time to start
This is my top ten picks from the 38 books that have being released (not counting The Shepard's Crowd as it's not released yet! also not counting companion guides, Science of Discworld, the quiz books, or Where's My Cow?) These books I've read from cover to cover and stayed with me.
NUMBER 10
THE AMAZING MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS
A decade after writing his last children's book, Sir Terry wrote the book that defeated the unstoppable Harry Potter for the Carnegie Medal. The Plot is a simple story about a talking cat, a rat civilization convinced a fairy tale world is real, a boy who can play the flute, and pied piper scam that they pull in ever town on the Sto Plains!
NUMBER 9
PYRAMIDS
The 1st of 3 stand alone adventures, A prince From Egypt Stand in Djelibebi who studies as an assassin, senses this father has died, returning to his country, the idea of succession is denied by the evil priest Dios, Pyramids in honour of the gods are being constructed every day, in fact these Pyramids are off-setters of time, Djelibebi has being in it's own time pocket and has being set behind the rest of the disc by 50 years! can the Assassin prince fight off Dios, mummies and mooching gods to save his country?
NUMBER 8
THE LAST HERO
The only illustrated book in the series is the final adventure of Cohen the barbarian and his horde of octogenarian raiders. Felt that they have being denied the glorious death worthy of heroes. the horde with a kidnapped minstrel in tow, climb to the home of the gods to blow them up with a magically enhanced bomb? can the Disc's first ever space program stop the horde from destroying all creation?
NUMBER7
WYRD SISTERS
THIS MONTHS ENTRANT TO BOGGER BOX OFFICE IS A PLUG ! GO TO BOGGERBOXOFFICE.BLOGSPOT.IE TO READ IT! WHICH LEADS ME TO...
NUMBER 6
WITCHES ABROAD
The sequel saw the 3 witches heading to the swampy tourist trap of Genua, having the Godmother thing with Tom-Jon down pat, they head on a long trip to stop their charge being married to a frog by the fairy tale obsessed Lilith, who turns out to be Granny Weatherwax's Evil sister!
NUMBER 5
SOUL MUSIC
Pratchett was always a fan of music, always appearing at Jools Holland's New Year Party before his condition. So when i got a copy of this book, i felt a lot of love of the subject in it!
A harpist is Gifted with a magical Guitar that contains the soul of every person that ever played it. with this instrument and a troll drummer's tuned rocks "Music With The Rocks In!" causes a mad sensation, woman throw themselves at the band, Other bands are formed, the middle aged to elderly staff of Unseen University become beatniks, hippies,New Romantics, Metallers, Grungers and Hipsters in the space of a week! It's up to Death's Granddaughter Susan to stop the guitar from causing the death of the band into infamy! Filled with Great references and a sad sidestory of Death having to reap his own daughter, this is one of the the best!
NUMBER 4
HOGFATHER
I love Christmas, i love it so much i don't work at all during that time!
Susan returns, this time as a governess to two children. The Auditor of Reality, a shady other world organization that wants to destroy the fabric of magic, hire the deranged Assassin Mister Teatime and a failed wizard to kill their Santa figure, by using voodoo on the teeth of all the children to stop them believing in him. Death stands in of the Hogfather. While the tv Adaption was...admirable! the book is really good!
NUMBER 3
MEN AT ARMS
I've always preferred the Night-Watch based stories and this one can only be described as "Police Academy, but funny!"
The Night Watch, under the chair of the recently Signed in Commander Sam Vimes, has lowered the requirements needed to join the Watch, making the watch open to the enthusiastic Carrot, the beautiful werewolf Angua, many trolls and dwarfs, whose species hate each other! and felon Nobby Nobbs "who should be disqualified from the human race for Shoving!" this new watch must get it's act together as a madman with the world's first gun is killing Guild Members and leaving no trace.
NUMBER 2
REAPER MAN
What Happens if you were in a thankless job?
What if this job made you hated by everyone?
What if you just decided "I QUIT!"
What if this job...was being Death?
Countless Millennia being the reaper has took its toll and Death packs it all in for a quiet life in the country. With a Death, the dead become Undead and the Supreme God Creates a New Death, a better Death, a super-efficent Death that doesn't even wait for people's times to be up! It's Up to Death to restore the Balance and regain his role in the universe, but is it a role he still wants to play?
NUMBER 1-TIE!
THE COLOUR OF MAGIC AND THE LIGHT FANTASTIC!
The very first trip to the Ancient and Modern city of Anhk-Morpork where we meet the greatest hero of Discworld-Rincewind, a flunkee "Wizzard" who failed his exams and couldn't cast spells...because after a prank one of the eight forbidden spells was lodged in his memory! Strapped for cash and not wanting to disappear by leaving his organ behind and blood behind, agrees with the City's Patrician to become the guide to Twoflower, the world's first tourist and his living Luggage, a Chest shaped creature with a mind of it's own! Twoflower wants to see the Solstice, which becomes an ill omen when a meteorite is set to collide with Ankh-Morpork
A great Intro into how the World works!
With the death of Terry Pratchett, his Discworld characters will become as immortal as those of Grimm, Dahl, Anderson, Tolkien, and Lewis.
But many have never read his books but you see, now is the time to start
This is my top ten picks from the 38 books that have being released (not counting The Shepard's Crowd as it's not released yet! also not counting companion guides, Science of Discworld, the quiz books, or Where's My Cow?) These books I've read from cover to cover and stayed with me.
NUMBER 10
THE AMAZING MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS
A decade after writing his last children's book, Sir Terry wrote the book that defeated the unstoppable Harry Potter for the Carnegie Medal. The Plot is a simple story about a talking cat, a rat civilization convinced a fairy tale world is real, a boy who can play the flute, and pied piper scam that they pull in ever town on the Sto Plains!
NUMBER 9
PYRAMIDS
The 1st of 3 stand alone adventures, A prince From Egypt Stand in Djelibebi who studies as an assassin, senses this father has died, returning to his country, the idea of succession is denied by the evil priest Dios, Pyramids in honour of the gods are being constructed every day, in fact these Pyramids are off-setters of time, Djelibebi has being in it's own time pocket and has being set behind the rest of the disc by 50 years! can the Assassin prince fight off Dios, mummies and mooching gods to save his country?
NUMBER 8
THE LAST HERO
The only illustrated book in the series is the final adventure of Cohen the barbarian and his horde of octogenarian raiders. Felt that they have being denied the glorious death worthy of heroes. the horde with a kidnapped minstrel in tow, climb to the home of the gods to blow them up with a magically enhanced bomb? can the Disc's first ever space program stop the horde from destroying all creation?
NUMBER7
WYRD SISTERS
THIS MONTHS ENTRANT TO BOGGER BOX OFFICE IS A PLUG ! GO TO BOGGERBOXOFFICE.BLOGSPOT.IE TO READ IT! WHICH LEADS ME TO...
NUMBER 6
WITCHES ABROAD
The sequel saw the 3 witches heading to the swampy tourist trap of Genua, having the Godmother thing with Tom-Jon down pat, they head on a long trip to stop their charge being married to a frog by the fairy tale obsessed Lilith, who turns out to be Granny Weatherwax's Evil sister!
NUMBER 5
SOUL MUSIC
Pratchett was always a fan of music, always appearing at Jools Holland's New Year Party before his condition. So when i got a copy of this book, i felt a lot of love of the subject in it!
A harpist is Gifted with a magical Guitar that contains the soul of every person that ever played it. with this instrument and a troll drummer's tuned rocks "Music With The Rocks In!" causes a mad sensation, woman throw themselves at the band, Other bands are formed, the middle aged to elderly staff of Unseen University become beatniks, hippies,New Romantics, Metallers, Grungers and Hipsters in the space of a week! It's up to Death's Granddaughter Susan to stop the guitar from causing the death of the band into infamy! Filled with Great references and a sad sidestory of Death having to reap his own daughter, this is one of the the best!
NUMBER 4
HOGFATHER
I love Christmas, i love it so much i don't work at all during that time!
Susan returns, this time as a governess to two children. The Auditor of Reality, a shady other world organization that wants to destroy the fabric of magic, hire the deranged Assassin Mister Teatime and a failed wizard to kill their Santa figure, by using voodoo on the teeth of all the children to stop them believing in him. Death stands in of the Hogfather. While the tv Adaption was...admirable! the book is really good!
NUMBER 3
MEN AT ARMS
I've always preferred the Night-Watch based stories and this one can only be described as "Police Academy, but funny!"
The Night Watch, under the chair of the recently Signed in Commander Sam Vimes, has lowered the requirements needed to join the Watch, making the watch open to the enthusiastic Carrot, the beautiful werewolf Angua, many trolls and dwarfs, whose species hate each other! and felon Nobby Nobbs "who should be disqualified from the human race for Shoving!" this new watch must get it's act together as a madman with the world's first gun is killing Guild Members and leaving no trace.
NUMBER 2
REAPER MAN
What Happens if you were in a thankless job?
What if this job made you hated by everyone?
What if you just decided "I QUIT!"
What if this job...was being Death?
Countless Millennia being the reaper has took its toll and Death packs it all in for a quiet life in the country. With a Death, the dead become Undead and the Supreme God Creates a New Death, a better Death, a super-efficent Death that doesn't even wait for people's times to be up! It's Up to Death to restore the Balance and regain his role in the universe, but is it a role he still wants to play?
NUMBER 1-TIE!
THE COLOUR OF MAGIC AND THE LIGHT FANTASTIC!
The very first trip to the Ancient and Modern city of Anhk-Morpork where we meet the greatest hero of Discworld-Rincewind, a flunkee "Wizzard" who failed his exams and couldn't cast spells...because after a prank one of the eight forbidden spells was lodged in his memory! Strapped for cash and not wanting to disappear by leaving his organ behind and blood behind, agrees with the City's Patrician to become the guide to Twoflower, the world's first tourist and his living Luggage, a Chest shaped creature with a mind of it's own! Twoflower wants to see the Solstice, which becomes an ill omen when a meteorite is set to collide with Ankh-Morpork
A great Intro into how the World works!
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