On the Preshow, Asuka and Charlotte lost the women's tag belts to Shayna Baszler and Nia Anti-Vax! Thanks in-part to Ric Flair and Lacey "JonBenet" Evans. This is gonna a storyline that ends in a wrestler wedding which will end in a food fight and/or R-truth Buffoonery! More on R-Turd later!
We Open with the WWE championship and I'm Glad Not only did Drew Retain against Oldberg but they kept it this short. any longer and Drew would look Weak, no matter who won!
Can someone please Put Corey Graves On a Leash whenever Carmella comes out? He was Practically ready to jump on her and Do the deed on worldwide television? At least Downplay the fact that Carmella Wrecked the Graves Home! Ok maybe not put him on a leash....
Anyway....Carmella is the drizzling shitz, if this was the attitude era, she would be a show in with all the hair-pulling and preening, this match was the proverbial blood from a stone. And A stone is probably more ring-ready than Carmella!
So who the Fuck is Bad Bunny, why is he skipping around Booker T? And Why is Booker Standing loke he is about to kill everyone who looks at him cock-eyed?
So now it's the Women's Rumble. If you are new here I only do full Play by play of the Rumbles at nothing else. Why is King Pervert out here?
#1 BAYLEY
#2 A RETURNING NAOMI
Bayley reminds Naomi that it was her who put her on the shelf, Rear View by Naomi.
#3 BIANCA BEL-AIR
Drop Kick to Bayley. Spinebuster and moonsault!
#4 BILLIE KAY
Who takes a seat at commentary the running joke being she is "auditioning" partners at ring side put it ignored and attacked. Congratulations, Billie! YOU ARE THE NEW HEATH SLATER!
#5 IS SHITZI BLACKFART, THE FIVE DOLLAR POOP GIRL! IN HER Tank and she fires a tennis ball at Billie! Missle Dropkick
#6 IS THE NEW WOMEN'S TAG CHAMPION SHAYNA BASZLER WHO INTIMIDATES BILLIE! #7 TONI STORM JUST IGNORES HER FELLOW OZZIE!
Storm enters to a rear view. Shotzi is eliminated first!
#8 IS JILLIAN HALL
so congratulations again Billie, they split you from your established team to pair you with someone with a MORE ANNOYING VOICE THAN PEYTON!
RUBY RIOTT , VICTORIA, PEYTON ROYCE SATANTA GARRETT AND WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WAS WEARING AND LIV MORGAN ARE NEXT!
Billie ran a foul of every partner she had and It lead to Jillian and Billie eliminated
#14 RHEA RIPLEY
Big Boots by Ripley who is cleaning house! Storm is eliminated and Victoria puts over Shayna's power by being eliminated by a sleeper and being dumped Helplessly to her elimination!
#15 half way mark it's Charlotte!
Foldaway slam by Charlotte to riot who is then eliminated!
#16 DANA BROOKE IS NEXT AND LIV IS ELIMINATED
#17 IS TORRIE WILSON
....WHO DOES NOT AGE! SERIOUSLY! HER, VICTORIA, AND LILIAN GARICA MUST HAVE DORIAN GRAY-ESQUE PORTRAIT IN THEIR ATTICS TO STAY THE WAY THEY DO!
Dana "Low IQ" Brooke tried a Huracanrana on the ring apron and got eliminated when it was countered!
#NUMBER 18 COMING OUT TO RIC FLAIR'S MUSIC WITH FLAIR IN TOW. LACEY JONBENET EVANS IN CHARLOTTE'S ROBE!
...Charlotte cant stands no more and attacks Lacey on the ramp. In the confusion Peyton is eliminated! Torrie is too!
MICKIE JAMES IS 19TH AS BAYLEY IS ALSO GONE! NIKKI CROSS AND HER SHITTY SITCOM MUSIC IS NEXT!
Tornado DDT!
ALICIA FOX....BUT HER COMES R-TURD, THE CATERING CHAMPION AND EVERYONE IN CATERING!
WINNER AND NEW CATERING CHAMPION: ALICIA FOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXX
Alicia is gone and pinned by truth AS MANDY ROSE IS 22
WINNER AND NEW CATERING CHAMPION: R-TRUTH!
#23 DAKOTA KAI
Women's Right eliminates Mickie
#24 IS CARMELLA
Dakota is gone, then Mandy and Nikki too!
#25 TAMINA STILL WORKS HERE!
Tamina Decks Reginald and Low IQ Carmella eliminates HERSELF BY JUMPING OVER THE TOP ROPE TO CHECK ON HIM! OUR TOP HEEL IN THE DIVISION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
#26 IS THE TAPEWORM!
#27 IS ALEXA, WHO WAS TRYING TO DO HER TRANSFOMATION, BUT SINCE THIS IS RUMBLE MATCH, RHEA WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU!" AND THREW HER OUT!
#28 EMBER MOON WHO CAME OUT TO HER OLD TITANTRON....GOD DAMMIT KEVIN DUNN!
#29 IS NIA ANTI-VAX
Lacey, Moon, Naomi and Tamina all Victims of the Bad Botch Machine and her Superior Immune System from a magic Carpenter in the Clouds!, the Champs turn on each other and Shayna is done, then the FUCKING TAPEWORM eliminates Nia!
#30 IS NATTIE!
FINAL ELIMINATIONS!
- LANA
- NATTIE
- CHARLOTTE
- AND RHEA IN A REAL NAILBITER OF A FINISH!
WINNER OF THE WOMEN'S ROYAL RUMBLE 2021: BIANCA BELAIR WHO SETS THE ALL TIME WOMEN'S RECORD OF 56 MINUTES!
THE LAST MAN STANDING MATCH....
Reigns retains.
Backstage GOBSHITE FROM MTV! and John "I WILL PERSONALLY GIVE TRUMP THE LAST BRICK OF THE BORDER WALL!" Morrison try to cut a deal with Bad Bunny. Giving what Morrison Said in Mexico for cheap heat years ago, He should never talk to a Hispanic Person ever Again!
30 MAN ROYAL RUMBLE
As Announced NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE EDGE AND RANDY ORTON, WHOSE ANIMOSTITY HAS LED THEM TO FIGHT ON THE RAMP!
NEXT IS SAMI ZAYN!
 |
| vINCE mCMAHON iS nOT pUSHING hIS tRUMP sURRORTER wORLD vIEW wHEN hE bOOKS sAMI! |
THEN EXPLAIN WHY THE THUNDERDOME AUDIENCE FACING THE FRONT CAMERA SUDDENLY BECOME ALL WHITE PEOPLE WITH THEIR THUMBS DOWN? AND NOW THAT I POINTED IT OUT SEE IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN!
FOLLOWED BY MUSTAFA ALI AND JEFF HARDY!
RKO'S ON EVERYONE BUT ORTON EATS A SPEAR, MAKING ORTON SPILL TO THE OUTSIDE, DDT ON THE TABLE AND EMTS DRAG ORTON OUT!
#6 IS DOLPH ZIGGLER
And in a shock, Hardy is eliminated 1st! I'm surprised they didn't eliminate Sami or Mustafa by stabbing them with a flag pole!
NAKAMURA AND THEN CARLITO!
Backstabbers by the creator of the move
#9 XAVIER WOODS
Woods looking for receipt on Ali
#10 IS FORMER NEW DAY MEMBER, BIG E
Midnight Hour on Sami and it's enough to have in eliminated
#11 JOHN MORRISION
Woods gets eliminated by Ali, who pays for it when big E Eliminated him.
# 12 RICOCHET IS CHASYN A DREAM HOPEFULLY NOT A VELVETEEN ONE!
#13 ELIAS in with a Drift Away
#14 DAMIEN PRIEST!
He hits Reckoning and Elias is Singing the blue over the top rope!
#15 GOBSHITE FROM MTV WHO DESTROYS BAD BUNNY'S DJ SET AND HIM AND MORRISON ARE ALL READY GONE, BUT TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, BAD BUNNY DOES A SHITE LOOKING DIVE ONTO THEM....
THIS IS FUCKING MARQUEE MATCH AT MANIA, ISN'T IT?
#16 MATT RIDDLE SMOKES TREES DON'T TELL THAT TO....
#17 DANIEL BRYAN
#18 KANE KNOWS A THING OR TWO ABOUT BEING TOASTED TOO!
Chokeslam Ziggler and Ricochet gone, but KANE IS GONE TOO
#19 BARREN FORESKIN
My pick Shinsuke is gone! shame!
#20 OTIS IS GONE ALREADY!
#21 SPEAKING OF BIG LOADS! HERE COMES DOMINIK!
Who has a "Maven Moment" eliminating Corbin by himself, Edge gets a Stiff Kick by Riddle
#22 BOBBY LASHLEY
Dom is done and A Priest gets Excommunicated!
#23 HURRICANE HELMS AND PAR THE COURSE HE'S DONE IN 60 SECONDS!
#24 CHRISTIAN IS MEDICALLY CLEARED TO COMPETE!
It's a team effort to remove Bobby Lashley. Unprettier by Christian
25 is AJ STYLES WITH HIS MASSIVE BODYGUARD, OMOS! THEN 26 IS REY
Omos is a difference maker who directly eliminates Big E. THEY SHARE A STAREDOWN! NOT THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE AT MANIA, OMOS FINALLY IN A MATCH!
#27 IS LAME-ARSE!
10 Beats of the Bourain on Styles. 619 is Caught by Omos who saves Styles again!
#28 CESARO
Cesaro Swing on Sheamus who share a laugh moment before hand.
#29 SETH ROLLINS RETURNS!
Entering to trade uppercuts with Cesaro
#30 Braun Strowman
FINAL ELIMINATIONS
- CESARO
- SHEAMUS
- STYLES
- BRYAN AFTER THE CURB STOMP
- WEED ROTS YOUR BRAIN KIDS, IT MAKES YOU THINK TAUNTING ON THE TURNBUCKLE DURING THE RUMBLE IS A GOOD IDEA!
- STROWMAN AND CHRISTIAN
- SETH
- ORTON TRIES TO STEAL THE WIN BY AN AMBUSH BUT....
WINNER OF THE MEN'S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH 2021: EDGE!
A RETURN TO THE TITLE PICTURE 10 YEARS IN THE MAKING, THE ONLY QUESTION REMAINS EDGE IS NOT ON A BRAND AS A HALL OF FAMER.WHO WILL HE CHALLENGE? RAW'S DREW MCINTYRE OR SMACKDOWN'S ROMAN REIGNS
WELL THAT'S IT!
IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER YOU CAN @REALENLI. THE NEXT WRESTLING REVIEW WILL BE IMPACTS NO SURRENDER ON THE WEDNESDAY AFTER IT'S AMERICAN RELEASE! THAT IS, UNLESS THE YEARLY ICECREAM REVIEW PREEMPTS IT!
UNTIL THEN, STAY SAFE, AND WEAR YOUR FUCKING MASKS!
