WRESTLEMANIA 32 PREDICTIONS

Hello and welcome to my blog. First some SAD NEWS! As eluded to on my twitter account, The One Night Only event for this month has being pushed forward to the 23rd of April, Due to Presidential Debates. Monday's post will be a single review. One Night Only will be reviewed when available to European channels.

Now to the matter at hand!
Wrestlemania is an ...interesting one this year, many matches seem out of place for this event, whilst others have MOTY status On them!

(ALL MATCHES IN DECSENDING IMPORTANCE...WHICH IS WHY THIS MATCH IS REFERED TO FIRST!)

CAREER VS CAREER HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR THE CONTROL OF WWE RAW!
SHANE MACMAHON VS THE UNDERTAKER!

Last night on Raw, Shane attacked taker by Hitting Leap Of Faith onto the announce table, after which, Brooklyn burst into chants of "You Still Got It!" If you sold match short, then it looks like Shane Surprised you, as for the finish...
MONEY ON: SHANE WINS, VINCE FIRES TAKER, SHANE REINSTATES TAKER, DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A FLOWCHART?

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
TRIPLE H (C) VS BLOWMAN REIGNS!
Now I know why the ppv has being booked this way! They want to get the crowd so emotionally spent that they won't have the energy to boo Reigns when he wins! Is Triple H even the heel in this fued? all he's doing is his "that Dahm Good-uh!" schtick, whilst Roman, the "good guy" is car-jacking and assaulting his boss in front of his wife!
MONEY ON: ROMAN, THE SAFEST BET I EVER MADE!

7 MAN LADDER MATCH FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
KEVIN OWENS (C) VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS SAMI ZAYN VS GOBSHITE FROM MTV! VS SIN CARA VS TIM CURRY STARDUST VS ZACK RYDER

Appartenly, this match is now a clusterfuck because Vince claims that International audiences will not be convinced by zayn coming from nowhere and winning!

WELL MAYBE IF YOU PULLED YOUR FINGER OUT AND PUT NXT BACK ON $KY $PORT$ AND NOT EXPECT PEOPLE TO PAY €55 JUST TO WATCH THE ONE THING GOOD ON YOUR POXY NETWORK!

MONEY ON: ZAYN! CARRYING NAKAMURA ON FRIDAY NIGHT WILL SOLIDFY HIS CLAIM!

KICK OFF SHOW!
US CHAMPIONSHIP!
KALISTO (C) VS STEROIDBACK
Kalisto had a squash match against the Legion of Dumb's Konnor last night, what does that tell you?
MONEY ON: WIN ON TV, LOSE ON PPV! IT'S THAT SIMPLE! RYBACK!

4 ON 3 HANDICAP MATCH (TITLE MATCH YET TO BE CONFIRMED!)
THE WWE TAG CHAMPIONS THE NEW DAY (KINGSTON/WOODS/ BIG E) VS THE LEAGUE OF EVIL FORIEGNERS (LAMEARSE/ADR/RUSEV/BARRETT)

the consensus is the title is not on the line, amid rumours of King Barrett's departure. Still New day's Popularity grows and grows, i'm thinking the audience in Dallas is going to be a sea of Skyblue, purple and unicorn horns!
WINNERS: SCENARIO 1: IF FOR THE TITLE: NEW DAY
IF NOT: LEAGUE OF EVIL FORIEGNERS

TRIPLE THREAT FOR THE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
CHARLOTTE (C) VS SASHA BANKS VS BECKY LYNCH
I'm looking forward to this match, not only because I fear my passport will be revoked if i don't cheer For Becky, But she won't win i think!
MONEY ON: SASHA! SNOOP DOGG'S INDUCTION INTO HALL OF FAME HAS MADE LEGIT MEDIA AND SASHA THE MEDIA DARLING RIGHT NOW!

JERICHO VS AJ STYLES 4
I WONDER WHY THIS MATCH WAS MADE (!) IS  DALLAS IS THE HOME TOWN TO SOMEONE IMPORTANT FROM AJ'S PAST, WHO DONE HIM WRONG NOT TOO LONG AGO?


NOPE! CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE...IMPORTANT!



NO HOLDS BARRED STREET FIGHT!
DEAN AMBROSE VS BROCK LESNER!

THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE 2ND LAST MATCH OF THE NIGHT AND WILL BE AN ABSOLUTE CRACKER!
MONEY ON: CAN'T CALL IT!

THE 3RD ANNUAL ANDRE THE GIANT BATTLE ROYAL (KICK OFF!)
EVERYONE ELSE VS EVERYONE ELSE!
WHO CARES? THEY ARE ALL GETTING FEED TO EITHER BIG SHITE OR THE BIG DEAD CAREER!

10 DIVA CLUSTERFUCK!
TEAM BRIE (BRIE/NATTIE/FOXY/PAIGE/ALLBOTCHEVERYTHING!) VS TEAM LANA (LANA/I'M A RAISIN/TAMINA/EMMA/DUMBER RAE!)

FUCKING HELL!
MONEY ON: THE ONLY HEEL ON THE FACE TEAM, TO TURN HEEL, BECAUSE SHE'S A HEEL!
 FUCKING HELL!

DUDLEYZ VS THE BOO-SUCKS
Creative are probably putting this match 1st to test how bad the audience will slaughter Roman!

APPEARANCES BY THE ROCK, THE HALL OF FAME CLASS OF 2016, AND NO DOUBT A MINI CONCERT BY FLO RIDA OR COWELL'S LAST CASH COWS!

Full coverage on the Monday 4th of April on this blog! see you then and i hope we have a good show, despite this!


IMPACT WRESTLING PRESENTS: TNA: ONE NIGHT ONLY JOKERS WILD 2016: RANDOM DRAW ME HOLE!

Here is my final gasp of Wrestling goodness, i have until April. As you have read in my wrestlemania update last week, April's One Night Only and Wrestlemania are a day apart, siting the biggest opportunity for me to write the biggest review since that big bust that was The Caffeinated Coup! but now i have more of a presence on social media than i did 2 years ago, so my confidence has being built up again.

But back to what was televised on Saturday night!

Welcome to Joker's Wild a show so big that it needs to be recorded in 2 countries and spans 8 weeks of continuity! To which i mean the first 2 matches were filmed in January in Bethlehem P.A, , about the time Crazy Steve turned heel but before The Decay were formed, The next 2 were in filmed last month, and the remaining matches were filmed during the current tv tapings of the British tour, to when Rockstar Spud turned heel at last week's taping, meaning Spud has worked this show as both a face and a heel, without a turn on this show, which seems bizarre if you only watch dvds and not the full shows!

Anyway for those who haven't seen this event before, 28 superstars have entered there name into a random draw, every match is tag rules and every team that wins enters a gauntlet match for $10,000 dollars...worth of poker chips in that casino that now films TEEANDEH, Y'ALL!

First match completely destroyed the illusion of the random draw as once again, the Wolves were drawn together, they faced the Pre-named members of Decay, Crazy Steve and Abyss! To take an analogy from the world i belong, this was like when a French cartoon finally shows the origin story after 2 seasons! this was very good, despite the decay not going hardcore, the wolves win after a great sequence where both wolves cartwheeled out of FLABYSSMAL!'S Double Chokeslam and into the Wolves Nation!

Despite me joking that Trevor Lee looks like a Defrosted Caveman, underneath the scraggley hair, chest fuzz, and godawful teeth! (and when me, a man from the British Isles, says you have horrible teeth, you have REALLY! Horrible teeth!) underneath it all is a very refined technical wrestler, still it was a death sentence to team with Jobber Supreme-DJ Zima Ion, and facing the actual team of Eric Young and Bram, How down the Pecking Order is Zima, enough to hit his finisher and have the opponent kick out. AT ONE!

I Don't know what's worse, The talented Robbie E not getting a push, The Talentless Jesse Glassjawz getting a push, or the need to team up them back up as the BLOW-MANCE! This match was so terrible, the jobber team of Broken Arm Tigre Uno and Mandrews actually beat them clean!

Next was a match that Josh Matthews Bullshitted that had "International Superstars", well yeah, Spud's English, his partner Grado is Scottish, their opponets are Mahabli Shera who's Indian, and Aiden O'Shea...who's an Irish AMERICAN!  And even doubt Jay Bradley's Irish Roots! the whole Town Of Enniscorthy is gonna be full of the Gobshites!, 'MURICAN Tourists coming here to get Pissed on Guinness, because that what they think Paddy's Day is about and finding their "roots" and most of them would be Black and Asians who only gained an Irish Surname 3 generations ago. Jay Bradley ain't Irish! I BET HE NEVER SMUGGLED TEA BAGS ON HOLIDAYS!

But I digress!
Shera, being a good natured  numbskull doesn't Abide this cheating and turns on O'Bradley who takes Grado's Roll And Slice for the win. And thus Ends the American Portion of Joker's Wild

The Remaining matches take place on Tna's currently televised British Tour! First match of part 2 was Miracle Mike Bennett and Drew Galloway vs British stars Big Damo and Jimmy Havoc. Damo, from Belfast is a 300 pound who can fly like a cruiser! and looks like Trevor Lee, if Trevor Lee ate another Trevor Lee!
and Jimmy Havoc you've seen already as Rosemary's former stalker boyfriend. Despite the weedy appearance and silly emo haircut, you do not want to mess with this hardcore specialist. and in the time i explained to my International audience who they are, Bennett took advantage of Drew work and pinned Havoc. Bennett has being unimpressive so far, the hype is not being live up to!

Next was a great Mixed tag match, Thunder Thigh-rus and Jade vs Knockout Champ Gail Kim and Bobby Lashley, Jade wanted to go against Lashley, but Lashley's a face so no dice, Jade has got Gail Kim's number at every turn, even tonight so we could be looking at the next women's champion!

Last Qualifier Eli Drake and James Storm vs The Tna World champion, Fatt Lardy and Will Osprey (and not "O'SPRAY" As you called him Dixie Y'all!) It was a total facsimile to match 5, Brit does legwork, Hell gets credit!

Drew Galloway wins the $10,000 dollar Gauntlet, despite Shenanigans by the Bennetts. Galloway is on his way to be World champion, but should have being Already at BFG, In my Opinion!

Well, that's It! Enlightened towers is now in lockdown for a month, the Next time you hear from me is the final card predictions of Wrestlemania, Part of the Weekend At Eamonn's event next month. hype the event, I will follow back every REAL! Person who Sends me(@ RealEnli) a tweet Hashtagging #WeekendAtEamonns. Because it's you who make these Posts the success they are, I only write them!

See you in a month!