Wednesday, March 13, 2019

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL: PART 3: THE 00'S: SEX SELLS(EXCEPT TICKETS)

It was new Century, a new Millennium and a fresh start Sunny and Sable were gone, Sunny would follow the money to whoever would pay her and Sable left after winning a court case after Vince was Accused of Sexual Harassment, (Which made Sable's Role when she Returned in 2003 Confusing to say the least!) By now and after the fall of WCW, and the deal with Playboy, An Influx of women came in and only 10% would make an impact!

WRESLEMANIA 16-OH FUCK NO!
Sable and Sunny were gone like two stingers but their Venom would be hard to shake off!. This was the Awkward 1st steps towards greatness for future 7-time, women's champion Trish Stratus. At this time she was valet for Test and Albert (and yes, I get the joke that a big breasted Blonde is managing a team called "T&A"!) Not only did Trish attain greatness in the last decade, she had to endure a lot of crap in the same decade! This was also the year The Fabulous Moolah Returned, Managing Terri Runnels who was not a wrestler, Her Opponent, Stacy "the Kat" Carter, who was only here because she marries Jerry Lawler, was not one either! Terri faced Kat in a...Catfight! and won, but in the aftermath, Kat and Mae Young attacked Moolah and Terri and stripped Terri of her clothes! Public Humiliation would be a prevailing thread in matches this decade!

Chyna now sporting plastic Surgery and a feminine new look, teamed with Too Cool to face the Radicalz (Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and the late and lameted, Eddie Guerrerro!) Eddie, would insult Chyna by her turning down his advances so it would make sense for Chyna to get the win. Chyna Turning on Jericho to team with Eddie Added a Dimension to Chyna she was no longer a bodyguard who fought interfered because she was paid to do so she interfered because she had emotional reasons to, which meant at times she didn't hold back on beatings or run ins! it added some depth to her!

Tori was there for one last mania, after leaving Kane for X-Pac and dx losing to Kane and Rikishi.

And The Women's champion was in the main event....Stephanie Macmahon, a future executive and chairman's daughter was in the corner of her then Kayfabe! Husband Triple H In the fatal Fourway match!

WRESTLEMANIA 17-BROKEN CHYNA AND BRITTLE IVORY!
17 Was my first wrestlemania Video I ever owned, And it is also the best one in my opinion. In A 6-man tag between the APA and Tazz VS The Right To Censor, Jacqui Moore got one shot in as the valet for APA/Tazz. In the Macmahon Street Fight, Trish who was now Vince's Bit of Fun, who previously on tv was made to strip to her underwear and bark like a dog for the Chairman, regained some self respect for herself when she slapped Vince and Chased Steph away, causing the wheels to be set in Motion for Shane to win.  And in the History Making TLC 2, Lita, who was valet/Equal Partner to The Hardy Boyz, would interfere and take Bumps Noone else would ever take on the woman's roster! We also had the 1st wrestlemania women's Match of the 21 century, as Right to Censor's Ivory would defend against the Returning Chyna after Ivory broke her neck in late 2000, Despite the build the match was one sided with Chyna winning gold is less than 3 minutes!

WRESTLEMANIA 18-GETTING THE "F" OUT!
2001-SURVIVOR SERIES
-THE WAR WITH WCW WAS WON!
And to the victor, the spoils of adding wcw' and Ecw roster to their own was irresistible. Now Taken Seriously from last year, Trish and Lita put their rivalry aside to face Jazz, The 1st Africian American women's  Champion at a wrestlemania, and someone overlooked constantly in the debate for Women's evolution, who retained the belt. Despite this, the 00S was still filled with your requisite Forgettable matches with Valets doing nothing! Stacey " USED TO BONE GEORGE CLOONEY FOR SCRIPTS !"Keibler managed the Dubleyz with was a decision that Bubba Became Vocal about
HAVE A LISTEN!
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc__fx3wXrY
 This was the last year the Hardcore title was contested as it was passed to Jobber to Jobber all night! and in one instance, Mighty Holly, a repackaged Molly Holly, Turned on the Hurricane and became Champion and lost the belt off screen! Then there was Triple H Pedigreeing His then Kayfabe Wife, Steph, Well that's one way to make sure you get nothing in the Pre-Nupt!

WRESTLEMANIA 19-RUTHLESS PASSIVE AGGRESSION
The 1st wwe wrestlemania and One again Jazz and Trish were in a Triple Threat Match for the Women's Championship, This time both where challengers to Victoria, Who like Trish was a former Fitness Model, they even knew each other personally, so it was designed to make Victoria a Unknown Rival/ You Will Remember The Name Of The One Who Defeated You trope! Stratus Gained the Belt in her Quest to become the hall of famer she became!

Unfortunately one "Match" is Talked about for all the wrong reasons!

Thanks to Sponsorship with Miller Lite, we were subjected to "Miller Lite CatFight Girls", 2 Playboy Models whose names escape me, who in the ad campaign, would fight in the wackiest of places, with sexy results, would have a pillow fight hosted by Jonathan Coachman! After Stacey Added herself to the "Match" Torrie Fresh off appearing in Playboy, who will also play part in the next few years scene would add herself to the "Match" ending with all 4 in their bras and skirts rolling on each other and pantsing "Coach" ALL TO SELL BEER!

This match was before the World's championship so everyone remembers, also as this was a paid promotion, it should not have appeared on the UK Edit of the video, since Product placement in video is illegal in Britain and Ireland! BUT APPEAR IT DID!

AND PLAYBOY WAS ONLY TO MAKE THINGS WORSE!

WRESTLEMANIA 20-DOUBLE XRATED!
A year Later Torrie would return to the pages of Playboy along side Sable. 'Member Sable? Blonde with Big Tits, Didn't want to take bumps, Once sued Vince for Sexual Harrassment? Well, she came back in 2003, as Vince's on screen GIRLFRIEND and spent the entire return doing fan service like this shit! In what was supposed to be a Evening gown Pillow Fight (Loser is the first to be stripped to her underwear!) It was Sable teaming with Torrie against Stacey and Miss Jackie, who was Eva Marie before Eva Marie was even a buzzword for useless and inept!

Trish went from holding the biggest prize to being a Prize in a match between Christian and Chris Jericho, Trish turned on Jericho to make sure Christian Won!

Because of these 2 matches ,the women's championship was originally not going to be contested. Victoria and Molly convinced Managed to put on the show with a Last Minute Twist: Loser Get's shaved Bald! In the end Molly took one one for the team to ensure a Title match stayed in. It would be the last time it happened either!

WRESTLEMANIA 21-"ME CAN RASSLE?"
After winning the Diva Search and becoming that Year's Playboy cover girl for wrestlemania, Bikini Model Christie Hemme would do something crazy challenge for the title!

Despite having Lita in her corner, the gap in skill was glaring and Trish Carried Christie to make her look good!

WRESTLEMANIA 22-SHOW US YA MICKIE!
All this bashing of every former Non-Wrestler who became a Diva in the 00s, may make me seem like I am a Big He-Man Woman-Hater, but that is far from the truth! And for 2 of 3 of the women who debuted at this year's mania, the alternative's should never be considered! 2006 Sees the Debut of Jillian Hall, Who's wwe tenure consisted of Having a Prosthetic Growth on her face, having the same Growth Eaten By Boogeyman, Wearing a cowboy hat because she manged a cowboy, Singing very badly, and a fluke women's title reign that lasted a minute...AND THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT ARE FONDLY REMEMBERED! Jillian would valet for JBL who would win the U.S. Title from Chris Benoit. This was also The Debut Of Mickie James, who as many people had pointed out to me when she started, that she was a former Porn-Star! However Tna and later wwe would turn Mickie's Career around. James would face Trish For the Title, However Stratus came into a match were she was losing support by the second to the eccentric newcomer, who debuted as a Lesbian Stalker, even going so far as dressing as Trish, and Frenching her under mistletoe. In the Match she also had a lewd Counter to the Bulldog that was cut from video release! James would pin her former idol to become Women's champion, tying Trish in the wwe (though her 2 reigns in Impact means overall Mickie has the most Reigns ever in America!)  We also had a playboy Pillow Fight with Torrie and that year's Wrestlemania covergirl, and another former Pornstar in Candice Michelle who lost to Torrie. Candice like Mickie would turn her life and career around, Becoming a Women's champion herself, Until injuries took their toll, But She is Mother now, so she's in a better place in her life, still!

Though we still have that prevailing thread of Public Embarrassment in at least one match with a woman in it, and 2006 saw Booker T and his Wife/Manager Sharmell face Boogeyman, as Sharmell was attacked with a handful of Live Earthworms! Screaming like a Victim in a slasher movie, She did nothing as Boogey forced worms down Her husband's mouth too!

WRESTLEMANIA 23-DON'T MENTION YOU-KNOW-WHO!
I WONT!
But because Of HIM! Most People would remember the trash that was Melina Perez vs Ashley Massaro, you remember Ashley? she fucked off from WWE to be in Survivor And was the 2nd one eliminated, rather than ply her Craft! AND I DON'T CARE IF WWE APPROVED OF HER LEAVING, ASHLEY WAS TERRIBLE, BUT SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEING TERRIBLE IF WWE DIDN'T CARE MORE ABOUT APPEAL MORE THAN TALENT!

By now if you are in wwe, you were booked at wrestlemania just to collect a paycheck, You all seen me refer to the Wrestlemania Battle Royal as the King Of The Jobbers Match! But until the woman had one too, they were now entered in a Lumberjack  Match as Ashley, that year's Playboy Model faced Melina who was women's champion, THAT'S RIGHT!
THE EXPOSURE ALONE FROM BEING NAKED IN A MAGAZINE MEANT ASHLEY WAS NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!
AREN'T YOU GLAD SHE LOST?

WRESTLEMANIA 24-SCUMMYMANIA
Thinking this was a good Idea, WWE would expanded on the match by Naming it The Playboy Bunnymania LumberJILL (GOD THAT NAME IS STUPID!) Tag match, A match so bad, the light themselves switched off to stop you from watching it! Separating herself from Santino Marella to appear As wwe's last playboy covergirl, Maria Kannelis thankfully didn't gain a title shot as this was a tag match, teaming with Ashley as Melina faced Future Hall Of Famer Beth Phoenix. This match stucked because all the attention were put on SHITE-Tino, Snoop Dogg who was mc who clocked Santino, and he was also clocked by WWE's resident Pervert Jerry Lawler. Despite Santino's team of Perez and Phoenix winning, Santino came did not come out looking great after being beating up by 10plus women, an old guy and Snoop,

HE WOULD WAIT A WHOLE YEAR TO EXACT A REVENGE!

WRESTLEMANIA 25-THE LIMIT!
25 YEARS AND TO CELEBRATE, A 25 WOMEN BATTLE ROYAL OF THE PAST AND PRESENT WILL COMPETE!
However wwe did not have 25 women on it's roster and NXT would not be a thing yet, so WWE reached out to former stars, it was implied that the winner of battle royal would get a title along with the tiara and Miss Wrestlmania sash at the night, with that wwe had their 25 women!

WHAT HAPPEN NEXT WAS THE BIGGEST SPIT-ON THE DIVISION!
That year Kid Rock would be the Mini Concert Bullshit that pushes more deserving things like a tag or cruiserweight championship to a pre-show, as Kid Rock did his thing, from a side entrance 25 women were carted out like cattle as they went to the ring! Rock sang So Hawt, a song of a one night stand! and as the crowd was distracted by a fireworks displayed, the match started, with no-one having a single idea who was in the match, Not even the commentators would keep up, as the numbers dwindled so people would follow the action, the crowd noticed something was off. in the ring their was a "women" they never seen before. As the crowd caught on, the crowd booed and chanted "SAN-TIN-O!" Sure enough Santino, in a wig and a skirt, eliminated former Ally, Beth Phoenix  last, claiming he was "SantinA, Santino's twin sister!" WWE's disrespectful joke was finished, thankfully, "SANTINA" never got "her" Title shot, which meant those who came back to wwe for that Match were lied to!

WITH THAT EXACTLY TEN YEARS AGO, NEXT WEEK WE WILL CHARTER THE LAST 9 WRESTLEMANIAS, FROM TEETH PROBLEMS WITH #GIVEDIVASACHANCE, TO THE  FALL AND REBIRTH OF THE WOMEN'S TITLE, THE 10S WILL END OUR DECADE OF REVOLUTIONS AND EVOLUTIONS!


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