things you never hear on a celebrity stalker programme

• and here is Paris Hilton in Harvard, lecturing students on Einstiens Theories.
• here she is, on the red carpet in a dress bought from Heatons.
• britney spears: born again christian, clean and sober.
• CORNATION STREET :ON ICE!!!
• Sting has being spotted in brazil the other day, Chopping down rainforest and eating parrot sarnies
• and Angelina Jolie has a new foriegn baby this week, beceause they're on a subsricption service.
• you can now buy Jade's hair on ebay (yes i'm going to hell for that one)
• since that model has gained 4 stone it's safe to say her career is over
• pussycat dolls :well endowed....with talent!
• rod stewert on a date... with a woman his age!
• louis walsh wins the x factor as ... as the world swallows him whole
• every time you buy a westlife cd, god kills a kitten.