(THIS IS PART 3.
PART 1 IS AT boggerboxoffice
Part 2 is here.
EAMONN'S LINES IN BLACK
JOE-JACK LINES IN BLUE
80'S LADS REVIEW IN ORANGE
??????'S LINE IN RED
(80'S Lad throws a rope ladder to Eamonn and Joe-jack, who climb into the jet)
how did you learn to fly a jet?
PLAYING GALAGA, ENLIGHTENED DUDE!
But how did you get it?
Dude, we're an atheist wrestling reviewer, a culchie who's moonshine turned all his friends into zombies and a superstud ersatz to 90's Kid! Not everything has to make sense!
FAIR POINT!
Jus' remembah, oi'm da fillium cricket aroun' here!
Duly noted, Culchie Dude! Now how about some tunage?
(This weeks theme Wagner flight of the Valkyries
www.youtube.com/watch?v=V920BNsQgxU
HERE WE GO!
So the film starts with exposition with the vague location "the near future"
Dude, I'm from the 8os! I WAS TOLD THAT THERE WOULD BE JET-PACKS!
"To combat the growing threat of terrorism, a new program was created"
We Just Hired the A-team!
We Created the Powerful and Experimental Machines that surpass Human Engineering"
We Just Hired the A-Team....and teamed them with the Autobots!
OF COURSE NOT!
They hire 3 pilots who have a training exercise with their GUUUUNNNNNNSSSS!
(CHILDISH GUN NOISES)
So anyway we met our heroes Ben (josh Lucas) Kara (Jessica Biel) and Henry(Jamie Foxx)
when they return to base they are are told that they will be joined by a new wingman.
after Henry tries to tell the General that Four Is Death, they will still be joined by a 4th member.
So after some filler where top-tier stars continue to speak some bad dialogue, we met the 4th "member" E.D.I- a robot plane or as i would like to call him...
STARSCREAM!
Meanwhile Henry's mentor strongly objects to the Decepticon on his ship. So our heroes test their skills against Starscream how can talk. And he sounds like HAL from Space Odyssey.
Suddenly the team are called out to Burma to attack a terrorist cell and they blow up a bulding
BOOOM! BOOOM! KA-BOOM!
But Ben suffers the G-Force and suffers a migrane
BUT IT GETS WORSE!
Starscream get struck by lightning making him all freaky-deaky!
And despite this the general plans to replace all the pilots with E.D.I's
Ben tells Henry that he has feelings for kara. Henry tells him that the romance will end her career.
-AND next scene Henry is with a Burmese Prozy
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME YOU HYPOCRITE!
Anyway our heroes go to Tajikistan, where a warlord supposedly has WMDs. But Intel shows that the fallout will reach pakistan. however EDI Attacks on its own.
We cut to Seattle where E.D.I.'s creator, Not-Steve Jobs speaks to the general about the malfuntion. Back to action as EDI kills Henry.
BLACK MAN ALWAYS DIES FIRST!
Also Kara's gets hit causing her to crash in Korea.
Edi has then took out the flying refueling station for a cool ring of fire that could be seen from space!
(making v-sign) TAKE THAT, AL GORE!
EDI attacks russia but ben intervenes causing damage EDI reveals that he can feel pain and he killed henry because he exists to kill and survive.
so the robot did not turn against its masters because he was treated like a tool but because he became an existental emo.
So let wrap this up!
Ben saves Kara, edi sacrifices himself to save them, and just when you think the writing could not get any worse, the ungrateful bitch says this!
Kara: Just say you love me you pussy!
Take it on home, Eamonn!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
You have world class actors spouting verbal diaharra, the effects where overused and the script just garbage!
Hey, Enlightened Dude! we are coming into target with the supermarket
MR. The Culchie, are the bombs ready?
READY T'LAUNCH YER TOWNIE BASTID!
FIRE AT WILL!
(THE SUPER MARKET IS PELTED WITH DVDS OF "BOMBED" FILMS BECOMING ACTUAL BOMBS!)
(Eamonn parachutes down into the rubble as his friends fly home! from behind a huge rent-a-cop digs his way out!
"what are you boy? some kind of idiot?"
I AM NOT AN IDIOT~
(EAMONN PUNCHES, HIS ARM BECOMING SILVERY FLAME. IT REACHES THE SECURITY GUARDS GUT AND FLICKERS VIOLENTLY!)
.....I AM A MAN!
(Unbeknownst to Eamonn, a security camara films the whole thing. A shadowy figures watches intently.
So this human has the power? Little does he now about his destiny! We will met very soon, Mr Bermingham!
Friend me at youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
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