And it begins with the McMahons Arriving in a limo.
shit!
But looking into the crowd as the camera pans, Lots of British Soccer Shirts, Rick the Sign Guy and the Brock Lesner Plant! This will be good, i love a salty crowd!
I'm only going to focus play by-by on the Royal Rumble Match, Itself. But that Last Man Standing Match Between Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens, set the mark for the night, If this match doesn't pit Ambrose in line for a WWE Title Match at Mania, Creative Must be Blind to the man's talent! Ambrose retains the Strap!
I Don't have the Network (as i have grumbled on how let down i was because of it before!) But I am not Impressed by the Camp WWE Cartoon. I hope it was just Stills, but it looks like no animation is being used whatsoever! The Edge and Christian Show looks like fun only, to reintroduce the world to Puppet H!
What A difference a year makes, last year the crowd tore up the Chessy, weedy, We-Are-Better-Than-You-Because-We-Found-Religion angle, now we cant enough of the Unicorn obsessed egomaniacs, And In Orlando last night THEY WERE OVER AS FUCK! Some Genius made a Yugioh Horn of The Unicorn Sign, Not over were the desperate charisma transplant patients, Jimmy and Jey Boo-Suck! The challengers did all their tired Samoan Moves and the crowd was so Salty, the Boo-sucks dahm near got Heart-attacks!
Kalisto is US Champion, again after losing the title days again, once again, the only remnant of WCW is being treated like the Red-headed stepchild,
Next was Becky "YOUR DAD ISN'T A HALL OF FAMER, WHY SHOULD WE BOOK YOU?" Lynch Loses to-I mean Versus!, Charlotte the only time the crowd got excited was after the match when Sasha Banks Baited Charlotte and then turned Face!
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
I Really love how times Garcia aka CLUB SINGER SKANK ONLY HIRED BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT WANTED ONE SPANISH SPEAKER BECAUSE THE GANG WARZ WAS SO OFFENSIVE! has read out the rules she always sounds like a 3 year reciting Beowulf!-she knows how to read the words but hold no meaning!
Anyway,
ENTRANT 1: ROMAN REIGNS (C)
ENTRANT 2: RUSEV
Last year's Final 2 is are this year's first 2! I Like your Sense of Irony, Vince! Roman makes quick work of Rusev. Entrant 3! and some soothing gospel music plays, Brother Love? but then i heard...
"YOU ARE, YOU ARE! I AM I AM!" from the crowd and went nuts!
ENTRANT 3: AJ STYLES!
I KNOW IT WAS 3AM OVER HERE WHEN I SAW IT, BUT I TAUGHT I WAS DREAMING! AND THIS WAS A FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE! I WONDER HOW DIXIE CARTER FEELS?
Like that I, suppose!
NUMBER 4: TYLER BREEZE
Breeze hits Beauty Shot on Styles, but Blow-Man eliminates him
NUMBER 5: CURTIS AXEL
The social Outcasts flood the ring but all are dispatched, Axel is eliminated!
NUMBER 6: CHRIS JERICHO
Styles uses a superman punch which draws Roman's ire a little bit! Styles Clash is countered into the Walls of Jericho
SOME HAS LEFT THE GATES OF THE OLD FOLKS OPEN, HERE IS THE BIG DEAD CAREER AND GOLDUST
Goldust with all his trademark punches.
RYBACK AND KOFI JOIN THE PARTY!
THE BIG GUY WITH A BAAAACK BODY DROP TO Y2J! Slingshot by Styles
NUMBER 11: TITUS O' NEILL
...with Backbreakers for everybody and Oldust is eliminated!
NUMBER 12: R-TARD...who sets up ladder thinking it's a MiTB, Thankfully the Annoyance is over and gone for another year! Kofi saves Himself by landing on Big E's Shoulders and getting Piggybacked all over eating fans food
NUMBER 13: LUKE HARPER
And led by Vince, The League of Evil Foreigners attack Roman who is led to the medic, the confusion, Kofi seems to be eliminated! BUT ROMAN IS NOT!
NUMBER 14:
But the Evil Foreigners are not done yet, Rusev splashes the French Announce Table, Turning The W*nk-Pheasant into RoadKill!
NUMBER 15; WELLLLLLLL, IT'S A BIG SHITE!
Titus and Ryback are eliminated with the Knockout punches,
NUMBER 16: NEVILLE
who Hurancanrana's Jericho
NUMBER 17: BRAWN STRO(NG)MAN
Strongman eliminates Kane like he was nothing, then processes put Show in the Chloroform, and then ragdolls a 7 ft man out like a piece of garbage!
NUMBER 18: A BATTERED AND LIMPING OWENS, AFTER HIS HELLACIOUS Match with Dean Ambrose!...FOLLOWED BY AMBROSE HIMSELF IN THE 19TH SPOT! BUT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS REVENGE ON OWENS NUMBER 20 IS SAMI ZAYN, WHO ELIMS OWENS!
NUMBER 21: ERICK ROWAN
Neville and Stardust are gone! but at least Stardust will Brainwash Victoria Justice into a Bisexual Burlesque Girl in the Rocky Horror Remake! Braun with the choke on Jericho
NUMBER 22 MARK HENRY IS ELIMINATED As is Zayn
NUMBER 23: BROCK LESNER Who eliminates Rowan and then treats...
NUMBER 24: JACK SWAGGER
...like a Scrub, so much for former World Champion, Swagger
NUMBER 25: GOBSHITE FROM MTV!
And to prolong my MIZery with realization that a Hell is going to win, GFMTV Wastes his time at commentary. Harper is Eliminated
NUMBER 26: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Strowman's impressive debut run is over!
NUMBER 27: BRAY WYATT
the Wyatt family return to ambush Lesner, in the biggest shockers of the night, Brock is Eliminated by Bray
BRAY VS BROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA SHERIFF STAR CONFIRMED!
NUMBER 28: DOLPH ZIGGLER:
And Gobshite From Mtv makes his move, hitting Stupid Fold-In Slam and How Can You Fuck Up A Clothesline After 10 Years?
NUMBER 28: LAME-ARSE!
As Reigns Returns and takes Him out, The Gobshite is Gonzo too! SO IS ADR!
NUMBER 30: TRIPLE H!
LAST ELIMINATIONS
- ZIGGLER BURIED BY HUNT-UH!
- WYATT! FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS...TO UNDER THE GLASS CEILING-UH!
- JERICHO
- LAME-ARSE IS SENT TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM
- ROMAN LOSES TITLE! (HHH IS INTERIM CHAMPION!)
- AMBROSE IS ELIMINATED LAST, TITLE CHANGE CONFIRMED!
THIS MATCH WAS AMAZING! A LOT OF SEEDS WAS PLANTED FOR FUTURE MANIA FEUDS IN 3 MONTHS TIME, MANIA IS GONNA BE EPIC REGARDLESS OF LACK OF WWE'S GO-TOS!
I doubt i will watch Fastlane, I'll discuss it on my tumblr (enlightenedtowers.tumblr.com), especially when the ad shows the return of #AllBotchEverything to the Main Roster! But the Next Wrestling review will be the 1st TNA/POPTV Collab One SHITE! Only! expect a lot of venting in a few weeks!
And if you enjoyed this feel free to drop me a line on my Twitter at @RealEnli
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