SUMMERSLAM 2017: NO SLEEPER HOLDS TIL BROOKLYN

Summerslam is the biggest event in summer months, however this year's show was a mixed affair.

1st the Preshow. Due to The Arena Not Opening Early (It's not like this EXACT! event has being here twice already and is on the third year of a 5 year agreement! OH WAIT!), There was barely any fans to watch the Miz's Match. and i was relishing that fact, since Miz's matches tend to be a Pavlovian Response to go for a piss anyway-hence the Toilet Break Championship! Poor Hardys working an empty arena, it's like they never left TNA! GOBSHITOURAGE WON! IN WHAT PEOPLE ARE CALLING MIZ'S WORST MATCH! I DUNNO...

THAT'S A PRETTY LONG LIST

THE DOUCHESOS Won the sdlive! tag belts back...for reasons! and Akira Tozawa lost the belt back to Neville...because reasons!

To the main show, Losing the Money In The Bank Briefcase had made Baron Corbin Unfocused in this match, and it Cost him Against Cena!

I Didn't pick to see Nattie Winning the title outright with no Shenanigans from Carmella, but that's what happen with Naomi. Nattie won fair and square! still...there are going to be some people who watched the match and be like...

 

Well Enzo in a cage, in boxers and babyoil. if that is not a less than subtle rib about his backstage behaviour i don't know what is. Big Show Sold his broken Hand well, considering being so big and dominant, selling is not usually his strong suit! He lost to Big Fass-cist! He Support's Donald Trump and so can't teach anyone like that!

That No Mercy Ad with Alexa Bliss is Nightmare fuel if you saw it last night!

10 SECONDS! 

That's how long Rusev lasted again Randy Orton! Keep in mind, this show, including the pre-show, was SIX HOURS LONG! If they were going to pull this stunt! they should have put this no title match on the preshow and give us one of the title matches in it's place! BUT NO!

SO WHAT DID FOLLOW UP THIS 10 SECOND BRAINFART WITH? A PLUG FOR KFC WITH WRESTLERS DRESSED AS THE COLONEL. (EVEN BECKY LYNCH HAD A BEARD!) Enzo was in that ad too...yeah don't remind us that Enzo once implied he was going to fuck a bucket of chicken!)

THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

Anyway...back to stuff that matters! Namely The Second women's belt changing hands in a pretty good match! Of all the matches wwe beat to death, you could do worse than Sasha vs Alexa!

The Demon King Rises! with the help of who i assume is Becky Lynch singing In his hands! Balor who was all over bray wyatt like a rash! picked up the victory!

Cesaro has now become a Memetic Badass! Ok, scratch that, MORE OF A MEMETIC BADASS! That will stop people from throwing beachballs in matches some fans deem boring! Despite Cesaro going into business for himself, and no doubt backstage action may be dealt with, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose are the new tag champions, because of course you put the belt on 2 guys that where beating the shit out of each other 6 days ago and have your most over team on the preshow!

NEXT WAS THE SHANE MACMAHON UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP!

Seriously, Shane turned the entire match about screwing over both wrestlers to feed his ego. Styles won!

Finally 2 big fuck yous! 1st Jinder beat Nakamura after a distraction by Sumil Singh, and Brock Lesner retained the Jam belt, so he can probably drop the belt tonight to deal with his injuries, rather than get pinned outright because BROCKY IS A BIG BITCH!

Well that's it! Unless the rumour of a second superstar shake-up happens tonight, The only news you'll hear from me will be tomorrow's winter Schedule. Because of The amped Anthology (AKA 2 YEAR OLD MATCHES! PART 2 OF 4!) and of Family Commitments, I will return with wrestling  In November for Bound for Glory results!