It's the biggest party of the summer, just don't tell anyone from $KY SPORT$ WHO ARE CURRENTLY CHOKING HARD ON CONNIE MAC'S DICK TO MAKE US PAY 25 FUCKING EURO FOR A SHOW ONLY REPEATED FOR 2 DAYS!
But despite sky not giving a shit to the people who actually made Rupert Murdoch Rich, Summerslam is set to be a 4 hour, 12 match card on Sunday night in it's 3rd outing in Brooklyn!
(ALL MATCHES IN DESCENDING IMPORTANCE!)
BESTEST BELT IN UNIVERSE!
BROCK LESNER (C) VS BRAUN STROWMAN VS SAMOA JOE VS BLOWMAN LAMES!
AH MUSHA!*
BABY BROCK HAS THWON HIS TOYS OUT OF HIS PWAM!
"WAH! TURNING UP TO RAW TAPINGS FOR HALF PAY IS TOO HARD! WAH!"
MONEY ON: Brock is losing the belt! And it's sad to say Reigns will probably this cleanly, though what a clean win from a guy who thought carjacking his boss to beat him up was a good thing, is anyone's guess!
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
JIN AND JUICE MAHAL (C) VS SHINSUKE NAKAMURA
Well Vince, you put the major belt on your Indian guy, long before Gobshite force televised their Indian guy winning the Minor title! And that's it! The Jinder Experiment is done! and it Failed!
MONEY ON:Nakamura
WWE RAW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
ALEXA BLISS (C) VS SASHA BANKS
To all your "fans" celebrating Bayley's broken arm and attacking Izzy online!....
As for all the same old shit matches, you could do worse than Alexa vs sasha
MONEY ON: SASHA
SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
NAOMI (C) VS NATAYLA
I Will have nothing but respect for the Hart family forever, but Nattie is not winning on Sunday!
MONEY ON: Carmella to cash in!
US CHAMPIONSHIP
THE FACE OF AMERICA VS THE FACE THAT RUNS THE FACE!
WITH SHANE MACMAHON AS SPECIAL REFEREE!
Given that Owens hung a big old lampshade on Shane's Less than saintly run as a ref, It's clearly Owens will win the match cleanly or force styles to be counted out!
MONEY ON: OWENS
WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
THE BAR VS SETH ROLLINS AND DEAN "TITTYMASTER AMBROSE"
It's being 3 years since men in leather bumped fists to make women scream, and if i wanted to see that, I would have gone on a City break to Prague!
MONEY ON: BROWN TONGUE AND BRASS RING (DO-DO-DODODODODOOOO!)
WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
THE DOUCHESOS VS THE NEW DAY (C) (BIG E/WOODS)
If there is going to a second Superstar shakeup after Sunday, please use this to replenish the tag division, PLEASE!
MONEY ON: NEW DAY
CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
AKIRA TOZAWA (C) VS NEVILLE
so akira won this match on Monday which was signed as a title match on Sunday. No doubt to bury this match in favour of a celebrity guest, OR A FUCKING SONG ABOUT KIDNAPPING!
MONEY ON: TOZAWA RETAINS! ACADEMIC!
RUSEV VS BLANDY BORE-TON
poor Rusev, his tapeworm of a wife took his title shot at Mitb, he jobbed in Propaganda Match, and now he is the Jobber to the stars!
MONEY ON: BORETON
JOHNNY T-SHIRTS VS THE LONE WOOF (HI KIRA!)
BREAKING NEWS!
Corbin has lost the Money in the bank in a failed cash-in last night thanks to Cena!
MONEY ON: CORBIN NEEDS REVENGE ON SUNDAY! EXPECT WHAT WILL BE LEFT OF CENA TO CARRIED OUT IN A SHOEBOX!
BIG SHITE VS BIG FASS-CIST!
(UPON ORDERS OF KURT ANGLE, ENZO AMORE WILL BE PUT IN A SHARK CAGE AND SUSPENDED IN THE AIR!)
oh look Enzo is going be put in a cage like a stripper, so lets hurl abuse at him for a change!
MONEY ON: VINCE MACMAHON TO CREAM HIS ADULT DIAPER WATCHING THIS MATCH!
THE DEMON KING VS "THE EATER OUT OF GIRLS" BRAY WYATT
I GOTTA DO THIS JOKE, I GOTTA!
WELL THAT'S IT!
But despite sky not giving a shit to the people who actually made Rupert Murdoch Rich, Summerslam is set to be a 4 hour, 12 match card on Sunday night in it's 3rd outing in Brooklyn!
(ALL MATCHES IN DESCENDING IMPORTANCE!)
BESTEST BELT IN UNIVERSE!
BROCK LESNER (C) VS BRAUN STROWMAN VS SAMOA JOE VS BLOWMAN LAMES!
AH MUSHA!*
BABY BROCK HAS THWON HIS TOYS OUT OF HIS PWAM!
"WAH! TURNING UP TO RAW TAPINGS FOR HALF PAY IS TOO HARD! WAH!"
MONEY ON: Brock is losing the belt! And it's sad to say Reigns will probably this cleanly, though what a clean win from a guy who thought carjacking his boss to beat him up was a good thing, is anyone's guess!
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
JIN AND JUICE MAHAL (C) VS SHINSUKE NAKAMURA
Well Vince, you put the major belt on your Indian guy, long before Gobshite force televised their Indian guy winning the Minor title! And that's it! The Jinder Experiment is done! and it Failed!
MONEY ON:Nakamura
WWE RAW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
ALEXA BLISS (C) VS SASHA BANKS
To all your "fans" celebrating Bayley's broken arm and attacking Izzy online!....
As for all the same old shit matches, you could do worse than Alexa vs sasha
MONEY ON: SASHA
SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
NAOMI (C) VS NATAYLA
I Will have nothing but respect for the Hart family forever, but Nattie is not winning on Sunday!
MONEY ON: Carmella to cash in!
US CHAMPIONSHIP
THE FACE OF AMERICA VS THE FACE THAT RUNS THE FACE!
WITH SHANE MACMAHON AS SPECIAL REFEREE!
Given that Owens hung a big old lampshade on Shane's Less than saintly run as a ref, It's clearly Owens will win the match cleanly or force styles to be counted out!
MONEY ON: OWENS
WWE RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
THE BAR VS SETH ROLLINS AND DEAN "TITTYMASTER AMBROSE"
It's being 3 years since men in leather bumped fists to make women scream, and if i wanted to see that, I would have gone on a City break to Prague!
MONEY ON: BROWN TONGUE AND BRASS RING (DO-DO-DODODODODOOOO!)
WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
THE DOUCHESOS VS THE NEW DAY (C) (BIG E/WOODS)
If there is going to a second Superstar shakeup after Sunday, please use this to replenish the tag division, PLEASE!
MONEY ON: NEW DAY
CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
AKIRA TOZAWA (C) VS NEVILLE
so akira won this match on Monday which was signed as a title match on Sunday. No doubt to bury this match in favour of a celebrity guest, OR A FUCKING SONG ABOUT KIDNAPPING!
MONEY ON: TOZAWA RETAINS! ACADEMIC!
RUSEV VS BLANDY BORE-TON
poor Rusev, his tapeworm of a wife took his title shot at Mitb, he jobbed in Propaganda Match, and now he is the Jobber to the stars!
MONEY ON: BORETON
JOHNNY T-SHIRTS VS THE LONE WOOF (HI KIRA!)
BREAKING NEWS!
Corbin has lost the Money in the bank in a failed cash-in last night thanks to Cena!
MONEY ON: CORBIN NEEDS REVENGE ON SUNDAY! EXPECT WHAT WILL BE LEFT OF CENA TO CARRIED OUT IN A SHOEBOX!
BIG SHITE VS BIG FASS-CIST!
(UPON ORDERS OF KURT ANGLE, ENZO AMORE WILL BE PUT IN A SHARK CAGE AND SUSPENDED IN THE AIR!)
oh look Enzo is going be put in a cage like a stripper, so lets hurl abuse at him for a change!
MONEY ON: VINCE MACMAHON TO CREAM HIS ADULT DIAPER WATCHING THIS MATCH!
THE DEMON KING VS "THE EATER OUT OF GIRLS" BRAY WYATT
I GOTTA DO THIS JOKE, I GOTTA!
| "I LOVE CATHY, EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH!" |
RESULTS WILL BE UP ON MONDAY MORNING AFTER 10AM! IF A SUPERSTAR SHAKEUP DOES HAPPEN I WILL REPORT ON THAT ON WEDNESDAY. SEE YOU SOON!
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