PAYBACK 2017 PREDICTIONS

Due to the bank holiday, (YEAH, ANOTHER ONE!) and family commitments, I will not be reviewing this show live, it'll be discussed on My Tumblr Page enlightenedtowers.tumblr.com on Tuesday!

So Let's Get Right Down to it!

THE WWE CHAMPION WILL BE IN A NON-TITLE "HOUSE OF HORRORS" MATCH!
BLANDY BORETON VS THE EATER OF PINFALLS!

For the 1st and only time, smackdown's champions will wrestle on a raw pay-per-view, mainly because Raw's own Champion in probably in a Hunting Lodge in Minnesota, Using the Jam-Belt as a coaster for his beer!

3 weeks of Built and we are still in the dark on what a House of Horror's match is! Either way, the match has become non-title, so it's not worth two shekels who wins
MONEY ON:MEH!

US CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH FOR SMACKDOWN ROSTER SPOT
KEVIN OWENS (C) VS CHRIS JERICHO
(IF JERICHO WINS, JERICHO IS DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN!)
This feud has being amazing, sadly, All Good Things...and all that! Jericho is leaving to tour with fozzy once more so it's a foregone conclusion!
Money on: Owens!

THE HARDYS (C)VS THE ARSE THAT IS LAME AND THE SON OF JOREL FROM THE LAND OF THE SWIZTERS!
Rumours abound that the Hardyz are dropping the belts so they can become the Broken Hardyz the following Night on Raw!
MONEY ON: BROWN TONGUE AND BRASS RING!

CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
NEVILLE (C) VS AUSTIN ARIES!
Oh NOW! You care about the Cruiserweights, Vince? We Still found ways to boo your Musical Act taking food out of Wrestler's children mouths, not that you'll never stop putting people who don't belong , don't care and more Importantly, DON'T GIVE BACK! On Mania!

Ok Rant over! I think Austin has this!
MONEY ON: AUSTIN!

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
BAYLEY (C) VS ALEXA BLISS
SASHATURNSHEELSASHATURNSHEELSASHATURNSHEELSASHATURNSHEEL!
MONEY ON: ALEXA

SAMOA JOE VS SETH ROLLINS
I DON'T KNOW THIS COULD GO EITHER WAY!

BRAUN STROWMAN VS ROMAN REIGNS
After Losing in spectacular fashion last night in a Dumpster Match, It's obvious what way Braun is being booked. LOSE ON TV-WIN ON PPV! LOSE IN AN EMBARRASSING WAY, WIN BY A COMPLETE TOUR DE FORCE!
MONEY ON: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!

PRESHOW MATCH!
ENZO/CASS VS THE CLUB WITHOUT BULLETS!
ENNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD! JUST END!

WELL THAT'S IT! DUE TO OTHER COMMITMENTS AND THE GOVERNMENT, I WILL NOT HAVE RESULTS UNTIL TUESDAY MORNING! MONDAY MORNING REGARDLESS OF BANK HOLIDAY, I WILL HAVE JUST GO WITH IT UP ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

3 TICKETS TO HELL: REFLECTIONS IN A BROKEN MIRROR PART 2: JOE-JACK REVIEWS ROVING MARS

"Dey Say dat da Gawds ov Auld Use t'play Games wif the Souls ov Mortal Men"

Deep inside The Forge Of Creation, such a game was taking place as the ethereal creatures gathered to watch the game of the lives of those attempting to reach the forge outside. The Game was against Wrath and Change. Wrath Controlling pieces of Leader's Army, rolled a 20 sided dice, getting 20, he swung an Appendage across the table toppling Change's pieces of our heroes over. In the spirit's Hubris, the dice also flew off the table!

GWAHAHAHAHAHA! lOOKS lIKE i wIN, sISTER!
-oH bROTHER, tHIS iS nOT yOUR gAME iN wASHINGTON, yOUR sHORT tERM gAINS iS a wEAK sTRATEGY
...
aS lONG aS tHE dICE cONTINUES tO rOLL hIGHER tHAN 1 tHE gAME wILL cONTINUE!

(The dice landed on between the joins of a tiled floor, If the Cosmic Entities wished to have features, then Wrath's smile would have widened as the top number was 1. Chance waved her appendage, the dice loosened itself and feel flat on 2. Though it meant the odds were not in our heroes favour, at least they didn't die! This Move caused Wrath to cause a landslide in Norway out of a temper tantrum)

yOU uSED yOUR pOWERS! tHAT'S nOT fAIR!
-tHIS gAME iS lIFE, bROTHER! oF cOURSE it's nOT fAIR!
-bUT yOUR mOVE oNLY sERVED tO dENY mY vICTORY!
-aND hOW iS lEADER cAPTURING eLEPHANT, oUR bROTHER, a vICTORY fOR yOU?
-rIGHT nOW, fOCUS oN yOUR oWN pIECES, sISTER!

(The Wormhole Opened, and with a bit of luck, Joe-Jack and Yusef, Landed not in a different dimension, but on top of the Airship, Yusef said that they landed close to the engines. the 2 dimensional counterparts smiled over their beards, drew their weapons and charged!....)

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION


(DUE TO THIS REVIEW WRITTEN IN THE STYLE OF JOE-JACK, ALL SPELLING ALL GRAMMAR MISTAKES ARE INTENTIONAL!)
This month's theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v--IqqusnNQ

It Seemz dat Disnee 'as t'turn all itz riodes intah fillium, becoz dey rans out of eye-deers! Pie-Ratz of da Curry-bean? 4 filliums, and one comin' soon! Tower ov Terror? a tv fillium dat was bettah dan it should have being! and today's part 2 ov dis years finallayer , A doccer mentree abou' da Marz Mission, which is a new attract-ee-on!

Da fillium starts be a sweepin' shot of Mars, for Yar bigshot eggheads have looked at Mars an' wondered if dey iz or woz liofe on da Red Planet!

WELL OV COURSE DERE IS/ FOR DA EVIL OV MARS IS RESPONIBIBBLE FER DA GREATEST EVIL OV ALL THE TIOMES!

ANCIENT EEGIP!

"IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS IN BACKGROUND!"

And Ya Laff, But tell me diz, where do ya think DEY GOT DA EYE-DEAR FOR DA PYRAMIDS AND DA SPHINCTER FROM?

 

We Cut t' Eggheadz actin' busy when they notice da da camera, One geol....geolollygolli....ROCK DOCTAH! Claims dat word i can defo pronounce is lioke Detective Work

NOAH!

IT REALLY ISN'T!

Becoz ov our limitz in technomology, we can't send a rock doctah t'Mars, but we can send a robot t'Mars, So Nasa Builds a New Virgin ov a Moon Rovah dat can collect samples, but one dat is built to withstand weather and temperature, tings dat da Moon doesn't have in Vacuum ov Space.

OR YE CAN FAKE IT LIKE DA MOON LANDIN'S! LIOKE ANYONE CAN BELIEVE DAT LOUIS ARMSTONG WAS EVAH ON DA MOON!

So work on da Rovah Starts, but dere is a problem, da only time dey can launch it without going wrong is when Mars is in our line ov sight, And Even then it can still fuck up big tiome!  Not only dat but the rovah must be able t'man it's own spaceship, once made Pacifically fer this ship, dis Carrier is described as a piece ov origiami by the way it's made of delicate parts that fold, However it may not suit the journey, as da Surface ov Mars has more broken machinery in it's landscape dan a housing estate in Stab City!, Describing the 8 MONTH journey from Earth as shooting a basketball fromLA to New York without the ball ever touching the ground.

To Double dare chances, Nasa built 2 Rovah's, Spirit, An' Opera Tune Nitty. Underestimating the size of the Rovah's, ev'rything from da pods to the Hairbags have to be bigger, tearin' everytime in the test area! 

Howevah, testing the arms n' suspension ov da rovah iz more successful, usin' a clevah system of 6 interdependent wheelz to adjust to the terrain ov Mars, which is basically a large dust clod made solid be downward Pressah!

Da Day Ov da Launch iz fastly approaching and da eggheadz are all emotional about their work, it's lioke a bunch of Parentz saying goodbye to their childer overseas,  Dese Rovah's will never see Planet Earf evah ageen!

UNLESS THEY ARE MELTED DOWN INTO A THRONE BE MARTIAN WARLORDS!

Spirit is Launched in an animation probably used for the ride, the Rocket doesn't go straight to Mars rather breaks up in shite in the air to launch da pod, an hope fer da besht!

7 months later and Nasa waits for word from Spirits Computah! Despite a Bumpy Landing, Spirit is online and taking pictures from the Red Planet.


Once Online, Spirits mission t'Gustav Crater, a Suspected Dried up lake is up and running, however all spirit finds iz igneous rocks, So Spirit is commanded is go to Columbia Mountains, a Journey that is 600 miles a journey Spirit will probably never make. On Da other side of Mars, Opera Tune Nitty has Literally landed on the other side of Mars and on a bedrock, one that containz "Geologic Truth" Stones that could only be formed be the presence of Water! Spirit is havin' worse luck, it's solar panels have being covered in dust and left it immobile , weeks later a chance wind cleans the panels and the rovah lives on! however machinery are not built to last forever, eventually both rovahs will break down an die!

With Water Confirmed, Phase 2 can start confirming if liofe existed on Marz, but that will never happen in our liofetime!

Doccer Mentries are reviewed differently dan filliums, while a movie iz meant t' entertain, a doccer mentrie is meant t' inform, this does the job, though yer have to laugh at da eggheadz when dey say tings like "Sedimentary Rocks Keep Me Awake At Night!)

(Eamonn woke in the brig of the airship, a Paladin opened the door with a palm print scan,
"MY LEADER WISHES TO SEE YOU" Said the distorted voice. Eamonn stood and looked at down, "Great, no Gae Dearg, no gun, no backup. Dahm!" He was lead into a room ordained with Propaganda Art, The Leader posed as a great protector of his Planet, one as a farmer tilling soil with his Followers, one more disturbing painting was him dressed a knight fighting a Hydra with the heads of the Religious leaders of the world's heads being severed by a sword that read "TRUTH". There Were many statues, too, of all those Leader defeated, the stone doppelgangers posed  them begging for mercy! The Leader was with a Sculptor, Dressed as Eamonn in  such a pose he turned his head slightly to see him
"Oh so you are Awake, Forgive me for dressing like you, But Since we are so Alike, I needed a new statue commissioned to celebrate my coming victory to take pride of place in my Hall of Heroic Fools!"

You know who can't win, I don't care if you are a me who couldn't cope and bears grudges! we a nothing alike!

WELL OF COURSE NOT! BECAUSE I AM NOT A FAILURE! YOU LIKE MANY OF THOSE WITH OUR CONDITION HAVE TRIED TO MAKE THOSE UNDERSTAND! THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO AUTISTIC! NEVER! SO IF THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND...I WILL MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND! I WILL THEM ALL KNOW THE COLOUR AND HOPE AND WONDER IS ALL BUT AN ILLUSION MADE BY THE OVERWHELMING, CRUSHING CRUELTY OF EXISTANCE, WE NOT MADE OF STARS! EAMONN, WE ARE NOTHING BUT PILES OF DUST!

(WHAT FOLLOWED WAS A HIGH PITCHED DERANGED GIGGLE, THAT DISTURBED EAMONN! WHAT WAS EVEN LOUDER! WAS THE ENGINES EXPLODING!)

REPORT!
"My Leader, we have being sabotaged by the Pimpernel"
(Meanwhile, Yusef and Joe-Jack Based jumped of the Airship onto a hillside, they looked up to see it explode. In front of them, a portal opened, out stepped 80's lad and Oracle, who hugged Yusef straight away, 80's Lad teleported away, leaving the portal open,
-and where is he goin'
-he has his own mission, something about a "being Plan A For a Change" so what happened?
-WE DID IT. OLD GIRL! We destroyed the Doomed Salvation!
-DOOMED SALVATION? WHAT'S DAT?
-THE NAME OF THE AIRSHIP!
-I THOUGHTZ DA AIRSHIP WAS CALLED DA TERROR?
-AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?
-FOR MONTHS YE WERE SAYING THAT WE MUST STOP DA TERROR FROM COMIN' TO EARF! WELL IF DAT WAS NOT DA TERROR? THEN WHAT IZ?

(IN THE WRECKAGE, LEADER BUSTED FROM BEING BURIED BY RUBBLE, HIS GAUNTLETS GLOWING  AND SPINNING LIKE ZOETROPES AROUND HIS WRISTS, BY SOME FORTUNE, EAMONN LANDED ON A NOW DESTROYED SAFE THAT HEAD HIS OWN GAUNTLET!

FOOL! I WAS GOING TO SPARE YOU! I WAS GOING TO SEED MY SECOND EMPIRE AND LET YOU TEND TO A SECULAR PARADISE! INSTEAD I WILL RAZE YOUR MISBEGOTTEN PLANET LIKE THE WORTHLESS FIELD OF CHAFF IT IS!

.....TO BE CONTINUED ON THE 2ND OF MAY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE! AND REMEMBER NO MATTER WHO MUCH LIFE GETS YOU DOWN, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK THE WORLD CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU FOR BEING YOU SOMETIMES MUCH LIKE THE FILM WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE SO SHIT TO BE A FINALE OF THIS SEASON, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO...

ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

Superstar shakeup-WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

So this week was the superstar shakeup and what happened was months of pushes and storylines were destroyed in a space of 48 hours here are the changes to the roster

LEGEND
RED TEXT: MOVED FROM RAW
BLUE TEXT: MOVED FROM SMACKDOWN
YELLOW TEXT: CALL UP FROM NXT
PURPLE TEXT: JOINED CRUISERWEIGHT DIVISION

WWE RAW ROSTER TIL THE NEXT DRAFT
COMMISSIONER: Stephanie MacMahon
General Manager: Kurt Angle

BRAND CHAMPIONS
WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION: BROCK LESNER
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: DEAN AMBROSE
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION: NEVILLE
WWE RAW WOMEN'S CHAMPION: BAYLEY
WWE RAW TAG CHAMPIONS: THE HARDYS

• Finn Balor
• Roman Reigns
• Apollo Crews
• Chris Jericho*
• Titus O Neill
• Darren Young
• The Miz
• Braun Strowman
• Curt Hawkins
• Mark Henry
• Elias Samson
• Curtis Axel
• Bo Dallas

ONLY ONE CHANGE TO CRUISERWEIGHT DIVISION

• Kalisto

TAG DIVISION

• The Club
• The Revival
• Enzo/Cass
• Cesaro/Sheamus
• Slater/Rhyno
• Golden Truth

WOMEN'S DIVISION

• Sasha Banks
• Nia Jax
• Alicia Fox
• Dana Brook
• Alexa Bliss 
• Mickie James
• Emma

ANNOUNCERS, MANAGERS ,VALETS AND PERSONALITES

• Micheal Cole-Head Announcer
• Corey Graves-Heel Colour
• David Otunga-JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE!
• JoJo Offerman-Ring Announcer
• Charley Caruso-Backstage
• Mike Rome-Backstage
• Paul Heyman-Advocate for Brock Lesner
• Maryse-Valet for The Miz
• Bob Backlund-Manager for Darren Young

SMACKDOWN ROSTER UNTIL THE NEXT DRAFT
Commissioner: Shane MacMahon
General Manager: Daniel Bryan

BRAND CHAMPIONS
WWE CHAMPION: RANDY ORTON
WWE US CHAMPION: KEVIN OWENS*
WWE WOMEN'S CHAMPION: NAOMI
WWE SMACKDOWN TAG CHAMPIONS: THE USOS

• Aj Styles 
• John Cena
• Shinsuke Nakamura
• Jinder Mahal
• Sami Zayn
• Baron Corbin
• Dolph Ziggler
• Rusev
• Sin Cara
• Erick Rowan
• Luke Harper
• Aiden English
• James Ellsworth

TAG DIVISION

• American Alpha
• New Day
• Shining Stars
• Hype Bros
• Breezango

WOMEN'S DIVISION

• Becky Lynch
• Charlotte
• Lana
• Natayla
• Carmella
• Tamina

ANNOUNCERS, MANAGERS, VALETS AND PERSONALITIES 

• Tom Phillips-"HEAD" Commentator
• JUMPED-UP BULLYING LOWLIFE!-Heel Colour
• "Shut-Up!" Byron Saxton-Face Colour
• Dasha Fuentes-Backstage
• Renee Young-Backstage

*This roster spot is open to the us champion only. If Jericho wins the title at backlash, he will join Smackdown in Owens' Place

Opinion
I  don't like it, as I said a lot of pushes are now dead in the water, the biggest casualty? Baron Corbin, now the ic belt is on raw and Dean attacked GOBSHITE FROM MTV!-its only a matter of time before it becomes the Toilet Break Championship again, Pure Smackdown Midcard guys who came to Raw thinking they have a chance only for Miz to follow them like a bad smell! Not one roster became stronger, but not one became weaker either! I put Lana in the women's Division as rumours are she is "ready"...whether or not she really is up for debate. 

Summer schedule 2017: EVERYTHING CHANGES!

Hello World. Eamonn Here with a summer update, one that will change how wrestling is reviewed on this blog forever!

COMPETITION FROM 4 COMPANIES!

Seriously, Waiting for a wrestling company to get a tv deal is like the Bus Service In My Country, You wait for 1, and 3 arrive all at once!

Starting Next Week, Impact returns to British and Irish Screens On Spike, A month Later, after a 30 YEAR HIATUS! And a triumphant return on New Years Day! WORLD OF SPORT WRESTLING returns live and free on itv (and knowing Tv3's rep for being Ireland's "itv lite!" Probably there too!) and if that's not enough! A month after that, in June, as stated earlier this year! Dominant Wrestling also launches on Spike Uk.

As such some housekeeping needs to be done in regards to the fact that 4 companies are now monopolizing the British Market:

• After Backlash in May (which is also my birthday week!) I will only buy and review the dual branded shows 1st hand. Summerslam will be my last wwe show this year. as i continue to review only between January and October!
• After washing my hands of Tna, Actually becoming Impact, despite the company being called impact for years! My acknowledgement of the pure fuckery will only be by tweeting as part of the returning #ImpactUk. However if the channel that does live mma without trouble can do live ppvs just as easy then Slammerversary and Bound For Glory are locks!
• World Of Sport is now being pocketed by Impact so i don't know how that might affect the quality of the show! however this show is not episodic like the other companies, it will have a 10 episode season. I will only tweet this show, as i doubt we will have anything that resembles ppvs from this brand
• Dominant Wrestling is launching in a big way in 2 months time, with a 30 week, 128 man tournament every saturday til the 1st week of 2018! after that The weekly ppvs will become tv tapings, but until then all my resources will focus purely on Dominant Wrestling.

i will continue to do predictions on upcoming ppvs, specials and any opinions that may come my way. but all the branded ppvs after May? they will be exclusively on my tumblr page. This year is going to exciting for me! especially when these 30 shows will excel me further to my goal that is 400 posts!

Bogger box office will continue and will continue to launch a new review every 1st working day of every month, THAT IS A GUARANTEE!

I will be back tomorrow to review tonight's Superstar Shakeup!
Until Tomorrow!
PEACE!
X
EAMONN AKA ENLI!

THE POKEMACMON COMPANY PRESENTS: WRESTLEMANIA: SUN VERSION!

THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA NEVER RAN SMOOTHLY! BUT THIS YEAR DESPITE INJURIES, DESPITE PART TIMERS, DESPITE FAN BACKLASH, SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW! WWE PULLED IT OFF!

1st the Pre-Show matches.

Despite the all the rage and anger, it was agreed that if one match had to leave the preshow to be in the main card, Naomi's Hero's return would be a story they could run with! Austin Aries vs Neville was a real barn burner by all accounts, Neville retaining his title by socking Aries in the orbital Socket again, and hitting Red Arrow. Austin had to leave under a towel like he was the Elephant Man!

THE WINNER OF THE KING OF THE JOBBERS BATTLE ROYAL 2017 IS....BLOJO?


Finally on the preshow, to make the Smackdown women's match on the maincard, it mean the ic belt was now on the preshow! AND I WAS OK WITH THAT! of all the matches last night, this had the least build. Dean Won so that means the Ic  Belt goes back in the box for another 3 months!

The Show proper starts with the New Day, dressed as Final Fantasy Characters with Cole acting like he a fanboy! Bitch didn't you mistake "Victory Fanfare" as Charge! 2 years ago! Anyway new Day was also her with there Icecream Truck since Xavier knows a lot about Women swallowing his Creamy Filling!

1st Match and somehow Aj Styles got a wrestling match with Wrestling Holds out of Shane O'Mac! We were Worried that seeing the Rollercoaster stage that Shano would get a Tom Phillips stylee 4 HOUR BONER! But thankfully Shane left his ego at the door and kept "Cool Dad" in the Box! Styles won!

In a match packed with rage, vitriol and emotion Kevin Owens defeated his former best friend, Chris Jericho in a us title match that was Owens Career Pinnacle!

After a Contrived Shaping, Bayley retained Raw Women's Championship against Nia, Sasha and Charlotte! Sasha is face still...FOR NOW!

WWE HALL OF FAME CLASS WAS NEXT. STILL SAD THAT THE FAMILY OF KRIS TRAVIS WAS NOT GIVEN THE WARRIOR AWARD! BUT ANGLE BACK IN THE WWE?


Not the only surprise as the new day revealed a new Team for the WWE RAW TAG LADDER MATCH! WHO COULD IT BE?

AH'LL FADE AWAY AN' CLASSI-MI-FY MAHSELF AS OBSOLETE, Y'ALL!

THE HARDYZ ARE BACK! NOT AS THE BROKEN HARDYZ (AT LEAST NOT OFFICIALLY!) BUT THERE WAS CHANTS OF DELETE! THE HARDYZ RETURN AS NOT ONLY THE TAG CHAMPS OF ALL SPACE AND TIME BUT OF RAW AS WELL! WHICH MEANS THIS NEWS WAS...

JOHN CENA AND NIKKI BELLA BET GOBSHITE FROM MTV AND PLAYBOY WHORE! 

 ACT SHOCKED!

Seth, despite all the pain, defeated Triple H in a competent Unsanctioned Match. 

Nexy was the Shitty Mini Concert and Despite WWE TURNING OFF THE AUDIENCE MIC! BOOS FOR SHITBULL,  BLO-RIDA AND LARD ARSE LEWIS! WAS STILL HEARD! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TREATING THE CRUISERWEIGHTS LIKE SHIT, VINCE!

The Mania Gooker goes to whoever thought it was a good idea to project insects onto the ring canvas to pay mind games with Orton. Bray if you wanted to scare Orton, Project this image onto the ring!

TIME FOR YOUR WELLNESS TEST, BLANDY!

BORK IS NOW YOU JAM BELT CHAMPION! SEE YOU IN 3 WEEKS FOR YOUR NEXT PAYCHECK!

As mentioned Above Naomi has returned as Orlando's hometown Hero, beating 5 other women to retain the gold she never lost! One Note of Interest Becky may need some Sensitivity Classes as she came out with her hair Braid in Beads and with Warpaint...in Match that had Mickie James in it...who is a Native Americian!

AWKWARD!

And Finally, Roman Cemeted his new role as Heel as he beat and seemingly retired the undertaker who symbolically shedded his costume in the middle of ring and kissed his wife, Michelle McCool at ring-side!

Well That's It!

Tomorrow on Bogger Box Office. This year's 3 tickets to Hell event kicks off! Next Monday, I will reveal my Summer schedule, Suffice it to say, This Summer I will have Wrestling coming out of my FECKING EARS!

SEE YOU SOON!

PEACE!