Hello and Welcome to a post too big to be done in one day, as of the time of writing it is 7am on Sunday, I am at my home, and I'm having Jerk Chicken from last night for brekkie!
Which means I've watched a ppv last night!
We open to Vince McMahon thanking the fans, and more shockingly, acknowledge that Covid is a thing! The Fake Johnny Depp voiceover is back, and is as cringe worthy as last year.
....then 40 minutes were wasted on a Weather Warning, because Vince couldn't book a hall that had a roof with his millions! But the wrestlers cut passionate promos to bring everyone back. They would have wasted 30 minutes...if we didn't waste a further 10 on false pleasantries by Titus and Racist Grandpa, that Old Hack Hogan! Seriously Titus is such a Professional, me I would have attacked Hogan for what he said...and I'm not even Black!
First match the WWE championship match. A distraction by MVP, cost Drew McIntyre against Bobby Lashley in a showcase of talent!
Tag Turmoil was supposed to be the match where the Riott Squad was to win....until it was pretty clear tomorrow night Nia Anti-Vax does the J.O.B to her even more talentless Cousin!
I hope Vince was watching and listening to the crowd during the Cesaro Vs Rollins Match, because I said this was going to be a sleeper hit, and It delivered!
AJ Styles, And New Day, need Chiropractors on Monday for carrying Omos!
The last cage match at mania was 35 years ago. And the quality of the one last night, it'll be another 35 years! Proud Boy Braun bet Shane MacMahon, with a convenient Postage Bag containing a toolbox!
Graveyard shift and Damian Priest deserves BETTER! This was, of course, the Celebrity Make-A-Wish match, where a celebrity only known in 'Murica gets world fame pretending to be a Rassler! Miz and Johnny Lastbrick lost, and they always will!
Finally the quality skyrocketed, as Bianca Belair showed what she was made of against Sasha Banks. Only one drawback, the return of the hair whip spot and the sound which was definitely a leg slap! Pay 200 dollars and don't pass go, Pal!
This ends night 1. Under the line of asterisks, I will be adding night 2's results on Monday Morning
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(THE FOLLOWING WAS REVIEWED THIS MORNING 12/04/2021)
The First 20 Minutes of this show was like a fever dream! Hogan and Titus Dressed as Pirates, a giant Jack in the Box and Alexa Bliss Crying Tar tears. This Distraction cost The Extra Crispy Fiend to lose to Randy Orton, Hopefully it's over.... But after the match they Implied that Alexa controls Bray and not the other way around!
Is Tamina Retiring? Is that why Tamina was over last night? More Importantly, why should the crowd care about a heel, also why should they care about Tamina? IT'S ONLY TAMINA! Tamina along with Nattie does the J.O.B. To her Cousin!
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| "THERE IS NO PRO-TRUMP AGENDA WHEN VINCE MACMAHON BOOKS SAMI ZAYN" |
I would also like to know how much money Vince Paid Failed Child Actor and RECORDED CORPSE DEFILER! Logan Paul to Fall Asleep at Ringside!" Then you have JBL do commentary and i was done, Match last 2 minutes, Sami lost, Logan made Sami look like a bitch by pushing him, Raised Kevin Owen's Hand and That Caused Kevin to go Apeshit on Logan Paul, Maybe because it was the hand that Logan Hand the Poking Stick to Jake!
I would like to make an announcement, all the shit matches are over with!
3 Title changes Back-to-back-to-back! First Sheamus Beat some sense into Matt "#NOMEANSNOBRO "Riddle, In a good back and forth bout, Nigerian Drum Match was a Street fight with Kendo Sticks, Bongo Drums and A gong, Apparently it was a play on a phrase meaning a beating, and while it was goofy, it focused on evolving Apollo Big E was Attacked by Dabba Kato in a Military Dress Uniform. And Rhea Ripley Hit the Riptide from Nowhere in a blockbuster bout against Asuka in match that was Vindication from the BULLSHIT that was last year's Night 2!
And Finally to Set Up some rematches at the REMATCH ONLY PAY-PER-VIEW, Roman Reigns in a statement making move covered Edge onto Daniel Bryan's Body, to retain the Universal Championship! Bryan was getting some Boos here and there, sounds like a lot of people also agreed that adding himself cheapened Edge's Return to WWE. But like i said, Backlash, on the 16th of May (MY BIRTHDAY!) IS THE WRESTLEMANIA REMATCH SHOW, and they need something to book as a main event. They have a month to do so, which means A B-SHOW WILL HAVE BETTER BOOKING THAN THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR! They pulled it off....Barely! Hopefully they have learned what not to do In Texas Next year, and hopefully we are not flying by the seats of our Pants Next Year!
Well, That's it!
Tomorrow, one of 2 things will happen: a WWE DRAFT OR ME RELEASING A SUMMER SCHEDULE! Either way Join me tomorrow morning, If you can't wait til then, Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli!
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