I'm Angry Right now!
This was supposed to be the WWE Draft results. But because Ayozat and Major League wrestling couldn't get War Chamber out last week, we instead, are just going straight to Battle Riot like nothing happened. By the way, of course they spoiled Who won War Chamber in this, so I ain't going to bother to review War Chamber!
The Draft Results will be up here Tomorrow, since they have to have a Supplemental draft which will not be finalised until 4pm GMT anyway!
So let's get to the rules of the Battle Riot
- This match is the only match on the card. The 40 man Battle Riot.
- Elimination occurs via pinfall, Submission, Stoppage, or being thrown over the top rope. There are no Disqualifications.
- Tag teams or Factions can enter as one entity. However they forfeit any other entry. (Useless they have won a Qualifying match, Previously.
- The Winner will win a World Heavyweight Title match contract good for 1 year.
ENTRANT 2: WILLIE MACK
Kane, the Suplex Assassin, Wrestling's best kept secret, throws around The Super heavyweight like he's a baby!
ENTRANT 3: JESUS RODRIGUEZ, (THE FORMER RICHARDO RODRIGUEZ) FOLLOWED BY LINCE DORADO AND CALVIN TANKMAN.
And although both are both heels now, TANKMAN is still bitter on Kane taking him out and making money on him with the Crybaby Calvin T-Shirts.
ENTRANT 6: LANCE ANO'I
Superkicks for everyone. Jesus sneaks behind to Choke out Lance.
Then it's time to get stupid!
ENTRANT 7 MICROMAN.
All the heels except Kane, are jobbing for the fucking Midget.
ENTRANT 8: AZTECA HENCHMAN #33.
Who despite kidnapping his own boss, Cesar Duran, had no problems on sharing his former Employer's hatred of Microman.
ENTRANT 9: BIG JUICY WITH A SHOPPING TROLLEY FULL OF WEAPONS.
Azteca 33 is eliminated over the top rope.
And this match has devolved into garbage. And we have another elimination, ironically, Juicy's own partner and Cousin, Lance. Tankman tries to waffle Juicy's Head with a Cookie Sheet, But it Bounces off!
ENTRY 10: BEASTMAN, SOME FAT GIT DRESSED AS A CAVEMAN FOLLOWED BY LITTLE GUIDO.
Guido goes to superkick Microman of the turnbuckle but instead all the Goofs have a Chicken fight.
ENTRY 12: SAM ADONIS, THE BROTHER OF COREY GRAVES.
Who comes in during the Break with a Beautiful 2 For the Price of 1.
Juicy and Beastman Square off, But Microman crotches Beastman causing his elimination
ENTRY 13: MANCE WARNER.
Oh look, it's the guy who would have being a big star if he didn't wrestling the Invisible Man, in with a 2x4. Rodriguez gets decked and is pinned.
We still have ad breaks in this program. During which Adonis, Mancer and Microman are eliminated, and the ring have seen the entries of Mr Thomas and 3 Jobbers
ENTRY 18: RAVEN'S MUDSHOW FUCKS-YES ALL OF THEM! (RAVEN, FAT MUDSHOW FUCK, SMALL MUDSHOW FUCK, CORN WALLACE, DELIRIOUS, AND MUDSHOW FUCKS 4,5,AND 6!)
The Outlaw Mudshow Fucks eliminate everyone and Azteca Henchman #9 who is the next entrant. we are told the Calling won War Chamber last week so that's that show spoiled! And before Ricky Shane Billy Bob Paige or whatever the Fat Mudshow Fuck is called can set Big Juicy ON FIRE! IN COMES...
#NUMBER 20 JACOB FATU TO SAVE HIS COUSIN,
This leads to Fatu clearing the ring of Wallace and the unnamed Gasmask wearing gimps. Juicy and Small Mudshow Fuck eliminate themselves, Followed by Fatu clearing Delirious And the Philsbury Mudshow Boy and Fatu are double eliminated. Raven elects to leave. And that leaves Alex Kane, who was hiding under the ring thrown out over the middle rope, to crawl back in and act the big man.
Kane makes a good showing and proves he could work with anyone! Tapping out Kimchee, Pinning Taya With a safe but not phoney looking Suplex, but also dominating Jobbers Midas Black and Jay Lyon and putting over Ray Jaz, the Godson of Guido.
But the Smooth sailing is over as it's the return (and Eventual Retirement) of Lio Rush and The Debuting Hot Sauce Tracy Williams (who I thought was Oney Lorcan)
It was also the Debut of Alex Kane's Secret Weapon. THE KAIJU, O'SHAYE EDWARDS. AND HE DID IMPRESS WITH SIZE AND POWER!
#ENTRANT 29: DUKE THE DUMPSTER DROESEE
I didn't Think he wrestled anymore giving his...well if you don't know, I wont Spoil it Early.
BUT HERE WE GO AGAIN! BECAUSE HE WON A QUALIFIER WEEKS AGO!
NUMBER #30 IS FAT MUDSHOW FUCK!
Duke quits after Kane tries to remove his Prosthetic Leg.
During the Break Fatu ran in and eliminated Ricky Shame Paige, O'Shaye is gone too! and Manders, who looks like the lost brother of Dax Harwood Has Entered and Manders tag partner, Matthew Justice will not compete as he missed his entry fighting The entire Mudshow. Officially there are 4 left. Revealed to be John Hennigan, Bulldog JR, Some Japanese Guy who eliminates Hot Sauce and Manders and the last man the guy we have being setting up for....
IS GENE FUCKING SNITSKY!
REALLY, I KNOW I WASN'T EXPECTING JOHN CENA TO TURN UP! BUT THIS?
Anyway Snitsky and Rush get eliminated in less than a minute! Final Four are
- Johnny Lastbrick via submission
- Japanese guy via thrown over the top rope
- Bulldog Junior via Tapout
As the rest of the evergrowing Bombaye Fight club enter the right to celebrate. The ref hands Alex the Golden Ticket that can be cashed in against the World's Champion Alexander Hammerstone in the next 12 months.
That's it for tonight. Due to the amount of action, The draft review will be tomorrow, just as well as The there is always a Supplemental draft on raw talk. which would not be finalized until 4pm today, local time! So expect that in 24 hours!
Until then Peace!
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