ROYAL RUMBLE 2023: SCAMMERS, SODA, SPOOKS AND SHOCKS!

 Because Ppvs are now on Saturdays, that means I'm drafting and Launching it at home on my phone, and not on a Computer, which means no memes or links. As such this will be a condensed review of the Rumble matches, Starting with the men's match.

• I could not have booked a Better 1st and 2nd entry than Gunter and Sheamus, given how great their match at The Clash at the Castle was.
• Miz is where will be from now on, as the Ineffectual Gatekeeper to younger talent, no longer doing anything of merit, because that would mean putting in effort.
• Bobby Lashley eliminated Brock Lesnar. Lashley Vs Lesner Confirmed For Mania.
• Rey was taking out by his Prison Bitch of a Son. Rey Vs Dom Confirmed!
• Booker T looked Fantastic Shape last night! As little as it lasted.
• Edge is back, To settle the Score with Judgement Day. Rhea attacked him from behind, which Summoned Beth to deal with her. I would imagine, that this was leading to a mixed tag, until what happened later happened.
• IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE, LOGAN PAUL A FINAL 3 CONTESTANT OF THE RUMBLE?
• BUT OF COURSE, NUMBER 30 WAS CODY! And this year's Men's Winner. Cody and Gunther had one amazing final 2 sequence, one of the best in years. And Cody, yes he deserved it.

And two Stinkers back to back. First we know what a Mountain Dew Pitch black match is...and it's stupid! So the Lights Dimmed over a Street fight, bathed in Black light With Glow in the dark gear and makeup. Even the weapons glowed. But the worse part was the Announce table was Gimmicked to filled with Day glow Packing Peanuts that spilled Everywhere and Stuck into there bodies. I think the match was told to go home and Bray hit Sister Abigail, but out came uncle Howdy to splash LA Knight on the runway for a fireworks stunt.

Next Bianca Belair barely broke a sweat dealing with Alexa Bliss, who is Regressing in Ability. After the loss, Uncle Howdy in pre tape repeated "Do you think you are in Control" over and over.

Now to the Women's Rumble.

• B-Fab is the Shits!
• A lot of Nxt call up and Returns to fill the numbers. Roxanne, Nattie, Piper Niven, Michelle McCool,  MidCardona's Jobber wife! Indi Hartwell, Shitzi BlackFart and the thirtieth spot that gets its own Bullet Point.
• Asuka has a new look, and new music. She's being teasing us with pictures of her in Joker makeup. I love this new take.
• Number 30 it's the Return of My Hole Jax, The Annoying Potato Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh Nia Jax!, The roster was not having any of that, so they ganged up to throw her Big Ass out!

After that women were flying around like lawn darts! Rhea won, but who does she face? I'm hoping on some revenge on Charlotte.

Because we had to waste everyone time with a Concert, Kevin Owens Vs Roman Reigns was a foregone conclusion....but the Storytelling after. With Kevin Owens defeated and broken, Paulie brought out handcuffs to beat him Senseless as Sami Watched. He was given a chance to cave Kevin's skull in but Sami Swung a chair at Roman and Sami was laid out. Now that's Long term Storytelling!

Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli I am also on Mastodons World Server under the same name!