THEME MONTH: OLD VS NEW! 1993-2004 Dandy format vs 2012 format

(Welcome to theme month, for those looking for Turning point or survivor series results look elsewhere. October is always my cutoff point for wrestling, got to save money for the you-know-what in December.)

We continue my first theme month since joining TGWTG in September. And with Doug Walker retired as a reviewer its only fair that we, the other forum members, pick up the pace. So I'm sure he won't mind me "borrowing" the Old vs New format, this one time!

If you were here last week, I told you that the Dandy comic is closing down and in my retrospective, I said it was due to the format drastically changing. But was it as bad? Is the comic from the year it dies just overlooked? or am i just wearing Nostalgia Goggles when looking at the old style?

I have 2 considerations,

1. Any strips with the same characters will be compared
2. the left-over strips will be treated as one entry and be compared

So Let's Begin
Cover
Again, for those who read bogger box office, You'll know i don't have a scanner or google links, You have to take my word for it, or Google Image search the issue number . For the old style i couldn't find in my search all over Leinster a 90's era dandy so i got the next best thing a 04 comic(issue 3276) before that years reboot. For the new style i picked up the latest issue (at time of writing the manuscript of this review)(issue 3600) in Dublin.
on the old style we have the format that has made the dandy so popular: a 3-panel strip or a"free laugh" this was always the best at it entices the reader to buy it as opposed to a splash page cover of scene that probably is not in comic itself.

The new style cover does not have that problem, as it's cover scene of Nuke Noodle picking up Matt smith and beating up Daleks with him as a weapon(Really!) is repeated inside the comic. the fact that it's drawing readers to a scene repeated is not as surprising as reading a different story about Dan.
Winner: old style.

Desperate Dan
 (Davidson/Harrison version vs Jamie Smart version)
The most famous Dandy character of them all has being there since issue 1, but in 2 years the design has being changed as well as his story dynamic and personality. A desperate Dan story always went like this.

• Dan sees his friends doing an activity (e.g. Skipping)
• Dan breaks the MacGuffin for said activity
• Not wanting to upset his friends, Dan, fixes the broken toy
• Dan uses a bigger stronger thing to use for himself (e.g. Telephone cables as skipping rope!)

In issue 3276, he is at the Highland Games Playing caber toss with cabers his size, he inadvertently sets up telephone poles for the entire Grampian region!
The Jamie Smart version sees him changed, removing his cast and putting him in more western style adventures on the back page. Here in an encounter with Billy the kid (a...well, a kid) Dan comes off as a bully not the gentle giant/Friend to all children as he is remembered.
WINNER:OLD STYLE

Bananaman
(Steve bright version vs Wayne thompson version)
Worldwide Bananaman is well known his 1980s cartoon voiced by the goodies has being picked up by nickelodeon in America, the format hasn't changed as it's still a homage/parody to Silver age comics. In 2004 we had the 103 tv episodes reprinted in the dandy as Bananaman's original creator had passed away. In the new version we has a cartoonly brightly coloured original story albeit short being demoted from 4 pages to just one. But the new style gets the point for originality.
WINNER: NEW STYLE

Keyhole Kate
(Sid burgon reprint vs Paterson/metcalfe reprint)
I admit, i never liked Keyhole Kate stories, who looks through keyholes has anyone ever looked through keyholes is a better question! The character has being uncancelled so many times that she was officially discontinued in 07.
WINNER: NO CONTEST!

Cuddles and Dimples
(Barrie Appleby version vs Nigel Parkinson reprint)
The Anarcistical Babies never failed to get a 9-year old me in stitches, or their long suffering parents and pets for that matter. in the old style Dad is trying to teach the parrot to speak for the pet show. But the babies are causing mayhem causing dad to shout threats, which the parrot relays in front of the judges, kicking Dad out of the pet show.
the Art shift in the new comic saddens me. the anarchy is now a growing pains story about the misunderstandings children have about how the world works. the grotesque features of the babies are stylised and the parents clothes modernised, and the dialogue of the babies is less childish. Her in a reprint before being axed, the boys think mum is laying an egg. Pretty tame if you ask me!
WINNER:OLD STYLE

Winker Watson
Steve white Manga-esque version Vs Steve white original character design
The story of the school-boy who lives in a boarding school surviving teachers,rich kids,bullies,his bumbling uncle as a P.E. Teacher, bank robbers and even aliens hasn't lost his charm. still a 2-pager, the newer stories are now part work, rather than a one-shot every week.
WINNER:NEW STYLE!


OTHER CONTENT WAR!
Old(jimmy's green Genie, Ollie fliptrik, Brain duane, Blinky, Sneaker,Owen goal, Hyde and shriek, Bad max)
vs New (Blubba and bear, Madvertisement, Bully Beef and Chips, Corporal Clott, Spotted Dick, My Dad is a Doofus, Brass Neck, Silly Moo, The Bogies, Puss N' Boots Nuke noodle,Beryl the Peril, George version Dragon and 3 pages of comic shorts)

As strange as it sounds the comic from the year the coffin nails are hammered, has more 90's era characters in it but only because the sad fact that they are reprints. the Modern era stuff are all flash designed with very little movement drawn into them. However the old style wins out with its eclectic mix of styles, humour and themes,While the stuff in 3600 original content looks like it was drawn by the same person, striping these new characters of any unique qualities or personalities.
OVERALL WINNERS: THE OLD DANDY!

THEME MONTH: CHILDHOOD ON PRINT: THE DANDY STORY

By Eamonn Bermingham
Winter
In Ireland, it seems to come earlier than other season and it's presence is felt by everyone.
The sweet scented wind? Replaced by bone-jarring screaming gusts. Brief rainfalls? Consolidated together into Stone splitting showers, And frost that malignant little offspring of water that can turn the smallest of inclines into Everest.
But with the threat of winter comes the promise of Christmas, Lights brightening darker nights, Tv Channels showing toy ads in the evening(Even non-Family friendly channels like Crime Network have toy ads!) and the shops in October has a being Christmas display towering over the little crappy Halloween display only for the shop had to move the Halloween display, on Halloween!,  to add to the mass of this display juggernaut.

The newsagent of a small town is perfect example of the approaching madness, Oranges and their ilk are shifted by box-fulls like mad, comic racks are filled with annuals and honestly, unless your German, who has eaten a croquette before December?

But Next year, the Christmas Tradition of the annual will have 1 casualty. This year on December 4th! the Dandy will close it's doors

But where did it all began?
Well, It all started 74 Christmases ago...
1937
I don't have to tell you why the comic became so popular so quickly, offering an escape back to childhood dreams at a time when Reality created a Monster. However, even the Dandy did their part on paper, Making Desperate Dan into a marine and sharing it's rota with its stable-mate the beano turning both comics from weekly to fortnightly during the war's paper shortage. They also had a strip called Hermy and Addy where Hitler and Himmler were turned into bumbling idiots. This shared rota went away in July 1949 as  the in-universe rivalry was resparked when the comics became weekly again. Usually if a character told an old joke or was unfunny, the phrase "did you read that in the beano" was the response.
these days we have a similar phrase "Did you hear that from Irate Gamer?"

A year after it's debut something was created that would change the comic game forever.
The Dandy monster.
It was the worlds first annual. Made entirely of reprints, today the annual is no longer reserved for comics. As licences such as cartoons, tv shows and wwe all have annuals. Anyone can get an annual it seems, One of the worst I've seen is an annual to glorified Bananarama/Bangles tribute band,Atomic Kitten.

In 1940 the dandy was entirely different to any other comic on the market, even its modern issues can't compare. While i grew up on its eclectic humour back then the stories themselves were varied, you had comedy, satire, sight gags, action,and (yes really, it seems so strange now!) TEXT Stories.

In 1954, The popular Desperate Dan character got his own annual. this lead from the former cover star Korky the Kat sharing the cover with Dan to finally in 1985, Dan became the sole cover star, Cuddles and Dimples became the stars in 2000, but complaints by long-term fans hated the change and by the Christmas double issue, Dan returned to the cover once more.

In 1982 the Fun-size Dandy, a smaller pocket book of one long story was released, Usually a strange cross-over with two characters that usually did not co-exist (Jonah and Puss 'n boots for example) as well as the on-going "Who's the strongest" between Dan and Bananaman, Funsize had Characters that didn't appear in the main comic, Such as Blinkenstein (where blinky is an UNDEAD rip-off of Mr Magoo!) and Barmy Army, As it was recalled when the licence to print a Dad's Army strip fell through. In 1999, Y2K was the storyline excuse why Some characters from fun-size appeared in the main comic. In time the funsize dissolved and the new character were left by the wayside.

In 1985, the ailing Nutty and Hoot! comics was merged bringing now loved Dandy alumni, Beryl the peril, Bananaman, Dimples,Bully beef and chips and Jocks vs Geordies.

Then in 2000, the champagne was uncorked in Dundee, with 3007 issues under its belt, the dandy became the 3rd oldest comic in the world and the second in the English language. For those asking, the order goes:

1. Il Giornalino (1/10/24)
2. Detective comics (March 1937)
3. The Dandy (4/12/37)

Then in 2004 the first coffin nail was hammered,

Feeling that the competition from America was heating up, The dandy went through a dramatic over haul. replacing the newsprint for a glossier paper, the free-laughs on the front and back was replaced by a splash-cover and adverts. and the price jacked from 70p/1 Punt/€1.20 to £1.20/€2 despite the beano, the more popular because of television, retaining its style and beating the others in sales, Then in 2007 yet another rehaul, this time changing the very foundation of the comic.

Issue 3426 saw the Dandy struggling to adapt to times, calling itself Dandy Xtreme, it's adaptions would see the comics downfall. Now priced at a ridiculous €3 And stuffed with a polybag along with cheap-ass poundLand toys (as free sweets with comics became outlawed in Britain's Child health laws, Thank you Jamie Oliver!) the cover stars were now licenced characters from tv games and movies. For the first time since war was declared, the dandy became fortnightly once more and now the Dandy originals under the thrall seemingly of advertising the cover star du jour, had their strips now themed to that character. Not even the Dandy's relaunch in 2010, redesigning the character to their original formats, and the acquisition of comedian Harry hill to has his own comic, strip becoming the new cover star demoting Dan to back page, could save the comic, for the last 2 years the main content has being reprints so now in December with 3609 issues, 75 years, 3 tv shows, 8000+ weekly sales, a Licenced desperate Dan wham bar! a computer game, a collection of stamps and a statue of desperate Dan in it's birthplace of Dundee. The Dandy will be gone.
...BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

Plans to turn the comic into a web-show is in the works, this years annual has already being released for this christmas is said to be a tongue-in-cheek tribute to 75 years. with sales so great a 2013 annual has already being announced.

So this Christmas, as all Christmasses, are a time of remembrances, so this year, if looking  through your newsagents display, Look out for a comic annual for a child's present, it'll will like introducing it to an old friend!

November Update!

As Mentioned In my Winter 2012 update, I Will celebrate 75 years of British comic goodness that sadly, will close it's doors in December. This month's theme Month will be Dandy theme month.

Containing:

• OLD VS NEW: 1993-2003 format dandy vs 2012 Format Dandy
• Childhood on Print: The Dandy story
• More Characters than Street Fighter!: The Dandy Characters!

Find me at the TWGTG FORUM as EnlightenedIrishman or friend me on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment

THANK YOU FOR 2000 VIEWS!

And here is my announcement!

I have Joined the famous That Guy with the Glasses Forum in an attempt to get more readers. I would like to thank you all for your support over these testing 4 years and Dont take this the wrong way, but I only became The Enlightened One after you made me. So this blog is not my creation, it is the creation of your patronage.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Eamonn Bermingham

WINTER SCHEDULE 2012

Will be winding down into the new year this will be because i wont be ordering anymore ppv but will still review the ones broadcast in Britain for free.
ENLIGHTENED PAGE SCHEDULE
Sept-DEC tna and free wwe ppvs Only!
Nov-Nominations for the flippies 2012
December-MONTH OFF!
subject to change (there may even be a DESPERATE Attempt of a theme month, I'm sure it will be a DANDY Sendoff!)

I will also at the cusp of 2000 pageviews and i will make an announcement that will change EnlightenedTowers forever!

BOGGER BOX OFFICE SCHEDULE

Today-Eamonn reviews thunderpants
October-Hallowe'en special-Eamonn reviews Wild Wild West
November-Eamonn Reviews Black Night
December-A Culchie Christmas Carol: A Fable of 4 Partes

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT IN GETTING CLOSE TO 2000 VIEWS! I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT MY READERS AND FRIENDS ALL AROUND THE WORLD!

THE 1000TH EPISODE OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Welcome to my review of raw, Where as of last night. the entire landscape of wwe has being changed.

We start out with Vince McMahon introducing DX. Later Michaels and HHH brings back the rest of Dx. as for X-pac, we all know he "ate" Chyna in their porno, But it looks Pac has eaten all of Chyna. He is well fat. After making fun of Shawn losing his smile, and posing in  PlayGirl. This bring out Damian Sandow who promptly gets buried by his boss.

First match of the night  was Jericho, ADR and Ziggler versus 3 card carrying members of Triple h's Brown Tongue Brigade, Mysterio, Sin (enough) Cara and Lame-Arse. Ziggler swerves Jericho for the faces to get the win.

Backstage i Loled when May Young revealed her "son" a guy in a Hand costume.

Foley returned to manage Brodus to squash Thwagger. I know how good Clay really is. Give him a  chance to use a bigger moveset.

The wedding was called off when Vince reveled who the new Raw Gm is.....AJ! Well it'll still put her tv but not as a wrestler as we would like. Remember  when she was on the indie circuit and she defeated Fail-a and Michelle McTaker when they where joint champions? Neither does WWE. VIDEO OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IS THEIR MOTTO.
Apart from You Have To  Be as Tall As Me to Get A Push-uh!

The fun didnt stop for Bryan as the rock came out and made fun on the short (when is 5,10 "short") Superstar calling him Frodo and a Oompla Loompa. Rock revealed he will be number 1 contender at the Rumble in Janurary. facing who ever is champion. he ended by giving rock bottom to Bryan.

GOBSHITE FROM MTV IS THE NEW IC CHAMPION. As long as he is only holding minor belts i will be happy not to see the chimp faced moron on tv.

After chastisting Heymen, Brock Lesner vs HHH IS ON FOR SUMMERSLAM!

More embarresment for Ginger Nuts as he faced Lita. she introduced the APA .All the past legends opponents swarmed the ring to overwhelm the Jobber.

Kane vs the Jobbers of many nations(Mahal, Hawkins,Reks,Hunico. El Actuallio Asamoano and Mcintyre)
became Kane and 'taker vs J.M.N! it was deemed no contest.

Finally in a twist that no-one saw coming, C M Punk turned heel after an assist from big show. rock made the save for cena then Punk swerved us all. A unexpected gm, a 2 ppv matches made, and the most popular face is turned. Truely the Landscape has changed.

Tekken month:top 10 tracks(Warning! *SPOILERS!*)

GOD NOW I KNOW HOW THE SOUNDTRACK TEAM WORKING ON TAG 2 FEEL.

With 15 years of atmospheric tracks, whittling them down to 10 was no small feat and one that will debate and agrument. So let fate bring those who heed the call, this is top ten tekken tracks.

Nunber 10.
HEAVENLY GARDEN/FALLEN GARDEN(TAG 2)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evzrS5wS-8
Many people were shocked to find out that Jun was to be the final boss in tag 2 not true orge, However, if it's all about the entrance, then appearing FROM THE DEAD, IN A BALL OF LIGHT, NUKING TRUE ORGE AND STEPPING OUT INTO A RESPLENDENT VISION OF HEAVEN AS THIS PLAYS IS UNDER STATING IT'S AWESOMENESS!
And if you it's think it's over, think again. at the 1:50 mark, this happens
Wow, you talk about the complete oppossite!
You take a calming track and then it drops a dub-step bassline from nowhere into an aggressive-sounding track, while at the same time is composed of the same melodies and instruments. Thats what it is a corruption. The stage is now night , with rotten flowers and water is now Liquid latex or what ever it is      (J)Unknown now wears. And it fits perfectly what ever has bought jun back has corrupted her.

Number9
HALL OF JUGEMENT(AKA JIN'S THEME)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcLplcQ-8
I'm expecting backlash for this having so low for one reason alone: Over-Saturation.
Its was in 4 in the vault. in devil within on 5, Jin and Xiao's pandora form theme in SFXT and gained the hall of judgement name in Tag 2. And after 4, With his new moveset that you had to re-master and the whole selling out your divine mission for a throne crap, Jin has lost favour with the fans. his Initial theme,though is standard.
You can listen to this in your throne all day, blissfully unaware that your mother, cousin and girlfriend are conspiring to kill you!

Number8
JULIA'S THEME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYnjHcB3DM8
There are piece of music that reflect the personality of the charectors. Jack-2 man of artificality, Armour kings monument Valley and both of Xiaoyu's original tracks. But none capture Julia's reluctant nature to fight than this track builds and builds until the guitar hook brings it on home. Yeah she maybe reluntant to fight but i punished many a player in Sinnott's in Cortown with X AND CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE!

NUMBER 7
ANGER OF THE EARTH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsqSRmenf1g
We had piece of music that explained charectors, Now we have a piece music that describes the background! Fighting during an earthquake while a volcano destroys all including a church showing us that fate in god is no match for Mother Nature.

TIED FOR 6!
FALLEN COLONY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSKUVpcF-Xw
AND MADE OF STONE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLzZakiVoiA
These are here for 2 Noodle Incidents in the Tekkeniverse, Namely how did Big Ben get blown up on a beach in Devon? and When was Washington Dc built by Bloody Stupid Johnson?(NO NOT BORIS!~But the incompent artisan builer of Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld)
Since steve is a Londoner I'm surprised that no-one has ever mentioned this or asked any of the 20+plus American charecters if Obama needs a cherry picker to gets to his office?
These are never asked, and probably never will!

Number 5
QUIET INTERIM REPORT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf65nkeBe8ky
Lets talk about Boss Music. Usually it helps to strike a balance between Tenseness and Listening Enjoyment. Too tense, like monument valley and you run too quick making mistakes. Too aesthetically Pleasing, You get caught in the moment and still lose. This Strikes a perfect balance.

NUMBER 4
SPARKING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_CO64-fvKA
Imagine the scene You are Harada's staff working on T5. Tekken 4 has being visiously panned by critics. But all is well.X and Square and the 4-button super-charger is back, the stages are a mixture of walled and classic free-roaming arenas. Most of the cast whose moves where absorbed by orge are back. Combot is put the same bus as are  the Mariachi band that supplied 4's BGM. But how do you show that you've done your homework?
WITH AN BIG ASS INTRO!
And by God isn't the intro all kinds of awesome!
The first is the direct ending to 4. After Jin hands his Daddy and Gran-daddy asses to them, Both are awakened by a helicopter that shoots pods into Honmaru. As the pods reveal themselves to be Jack-4s, For the first time since-ever!, 'Hachi and Kaz team up to take out the killer robots, Until Baztardya in True Bastard with Dada Issues Form, turns on 'hachi, throwing him into the Jack who bundle, then blow up. as Raven looks on confirming the death Heihachi as he cuts a Jack in half.
-Okay intro over lets play this ga-
#I'M HERE NOW~!
wait a second intro?
Yes the Lyric above starts the second intro as Sparking! become bgm. as an intro its really a roster call of who's in the game as well as showing us which of the new charectors are face and hell (Clue: saving kittens,Good! Killing elderly men, BAD!). Its up here for being a rock track and sounding like Linkin Park.

3-WAY TIE FOR THIRD!
CYBORG NINJA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3wwOJG8RVs
Yoshi's 2nd
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc0MTQGzwoo
And No Eyes, No Ears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvB0s_bI9U
All these have on thing in common they all belong to one man...alien...robot...whatever he is, Yoshimitsu

Yoshi just may be the charector people thing of when they think of Tekken. So ugly and yet so likable. and of all the charectors filled with different personalities. it's the alien that is the most human. All the tracks are immersive techo(in the case of No eyes, no ears-Trance-like) Tracks.

NUMBER 2
EMOTIONLESS PASSION(AKA KAZUYA'S THEME)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G53GWYxRGq8
Seeing and hearing all these tracks as bought back some memories, but hearing this back a painful one:
I Hate The Mist Step!
Before Tekken 3 made the mist step a move that everyone has, it only belonged to the man quickly dubbed as Baztardya, and boy howdy, didn't the Cpu abuse the move so much it didn't take long before you where lying on the ornate carpet, counting lights.

And the number 1 Tekken track is...
BLACK WINTER SKY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVFnXKpiH5M
If I'm playing a game for the first time, i watch the entire intro from start to finish, so i get the feel of the story and game Quality. And of all the tekken intros, all of them great, Black winter sky is simply acoustic gold. With charectors showing less polygons since there first outing, we are treated to a dynamic Intro, with motorbikes, thunderstorms, exploding shops and a sweeping shot of the hall of kazuya's mansion as the sub boss fly around, ending with Angel holding Kaz in a possessive Manner.
Very telling considering who Angel really is.

So there you have it.
Normal Service to resume tomorrow when i give my opinions on Last nights Money in the bank PPV

Tekken month:Eamonn reviews Tekken Live Action.

This months theme -Jin's theme-Tekken 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcLPL8cQ-8
Welcome to Tekken Month here at The Enlightened Page. Many Have been Wondering why I;m reviewing a film here and not on Bogger Box office.
2 words.
Old Shame.
Back in 2009 I said was excited about the tekken movie as i saw the first stills and liked what i saw.
The GamesMaster did an interview with Harada that said Optimum payed him and his Staff NOT to overview the production, we feared the worst.
And what was the worst?
Missing  charecters, Misplaced Etnicities and a yoshimtsu costume from Eurosaver!

So let's Insert coins to play Tekken live Action.

So Instead of the actual tekken storyline we are plunged into a shitty rip-off of Running Man, where it's really 2034, not present day and the world is now run by corporations not  governments.

Okay is this about the "war" between Mishima Zaibatsu and G-gorp? because they are not countries. Never onces did Heihachi or Kazuya invaded countries, Jin tried to invade Spain but the U.N. stopped that shit cold just like in real life.
And if it was always the cause that whole continents were ALWAYS controlled by companies wouldn't  stating the nationality in manuals be pointless? Nina was always refered to as Irish. I never saw her referred to as being from "Brikhausen" as they call Europe here.

We begin the film proper as Jin (john Foo) evades Kalishplosions in his fetch quest for an Internet Router. He lives in what was new york (now called Anvil, yes really) in the USA (now called Tekken, Yes really)

After being payed by $500 by Bonner, Jin watches a press conference held by Heihaci(played by Tsang sung from Mortal Kombat), Jin buys coffee, an orange and a bar of chocolate(all illegal here!) from Tiger Jackson and...wait what?
They are giving speaking part to an actor to play a one-shot character?

We Cut to Heihachi and Kazuya (played by a white actor) Inspecting the Jacks(Really the tekken Force, but hey if actually got Namco to watch the film then it would never have came out with the amount of mistakes to correct!) At least they get something right, Kazuya despites his father still.

Jin returns home to his mother, Jun making this film around the tekken 3 storyline hadn't the timeline being butchered.
So Mother and son have an arguement which goes something like this
-Mom, why did you train me to fight while banning me from the tourney?
-Well. its got nothing to do with the Angel I turn into and the Devil Kaz turns into forcing us to have the sex that conceived you!
-WHAT????!?
-NOTHING!
Whatever! Here's hoping you don't die, so I'm forced to join tekken to find answers to your murder!
Aaaaaaand five minutes later, she's dead!
Searching the rubble that was his house, he finds Jun's tekken worker I.D.

So Jin goes to the open match run by Steve fox (Luke Goss)
Don't remember him? let me refresh you're memory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OiXa4R0esy
Don't ask me which he is, they all look the same. 

So Jin defeats Marshall Law(wow, Law just can't catch a break, First Forrestt gets in a bike accident, He loses his restaurant, and now he was sent into space in the Pandorra with Paul ,and now this!)

Oh and just to piss off fans further Tekken is now Cagefighting, because tekken is not known for open fighting in stunning backdrops, no, it's known for repetitive moves in confined spaces.

Steve becomes Jin's agent and they head to Iron fist stadium
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ic4LfioBxBE
Did you enjoy that piece of legit tekken action well have it destroyed by the next scene
Kazuya having a threesome with Anna and Nina!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6utE5APd4wA
Even Lee had his ass handed to him by both for even suggesting that in Tekken Amine, But Kazuya? He doesn't have the time between Killing his son and father repeatedly to have time with the ladies.
Next night,(as all this was shot at night) Kazuya reveals the competitors.

• Raven(G-Corp,making him Arabic and not Canadian) Played by a Wesley Snipes Lookalike, because he didn't need the money(Ironically,Snipes was popped for Tax Evasion in 2009 when this was in production!)
• Eddy Gordo(ValenCorp) Now an "underground enforcer with a bounty on his head"
• Dragonov-Who has a healthy tan for a Goth!
• The Williams Sisters(representing Eyderdex, Making them...South African?)
• Christie Monterio (from Veltrocorp, Making her Australian, More on her Charecter Assassination later!)
• Miguel Rojo(Making him a Cannon emigrant)
• Yoshimitsu(you can see the zip on his costume's back)
• And Finally Bryan Fury who all things considered looks more like he's supposed to.

So Jin starts some small talk with christie.Christie in the tekken games looks like this
http://www.tekkenpedia.com/wiki/Christie
if you scroll down on the above page you will see Kelly Overtun who plays Christie in this film.
Word of God from Harada tell us claims Christie's Design is based on this women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBmMULiwetU
Can we get a picture of Kelly Overtun and beyonce together?
Wow(!) It's like they were seperated at birth(!)

First Round, Raven defeats Eddy, Jin Defeats Miguel, After his Match Christie invites him to go clubbing, ending the scene with a kiss that will upset Jin/Xiao shippers and Christie/Eddy shippers. As Christie leaves, Jin is attacked by the Williams Dressed as Ninjas. Steve is pissed that Tekken is rigging the competition.

Round 2, Christie vs Nina, Whose famous Catsuit is now a bikini and assless chaps, is defeated by Christie.
Backstage Kazuya blackmails Bryan about his Cybernetic enhancements, Paying him€1000,000 for the service of killing Jin.

Yoshimistu vs Jin is next. Kaz launches his takeover of Tekken. Steve gives Jin his power gloves. Kaz reveals during the fight that he is Jin's father.
Heihachi saves Jin after Jin Kills Yoshi.

All the fighters get detained, Kaz tells Jin that Yoshi is alive but ratings spiked so high the remainder of the tournament will be to the death.Raven,Jin, Christie and Steve have a break out, leaving the Williams to rot, They rescue Heihachi and take him to Anvil City, Where Jin told that not only is Kaz his father, he is a Rape Baby.

The Jacks destroy the safe house and kills Steve and Heihachi and captures christie.

Under the new rules, Bryan kills Dragonov, And Kazuya taunts Jin. The game does it better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIHbRpzXW1Y
Raven gives Jin words of encourgement before the final:
JIN VS BRYAN
As he found out in Tekken 4, Bryan's Malfuntioning Cyperparts actually enhance his strength, But using a diving kick from a tower, Jin Kills Bryan.

Kaz goes to fight his son with axes.
Lets finish this!
Christie escapes distacting Kazuya long enough to lose.Returning home, Jin becomes Leader of the Resistance.
Hopefully the Resistance has supplied a Throne Room for him to sit and look Emo on.

THIS FILM SUCKS!
You can see that this was no effort to make an actual canonic experience for fans. Miscast actors, most of them the wrong race and Incessant Terminology of Tekken terms, make this a detached experiece of actual tekken storyline.They're some good points, the costumes makes the actors look the Tekken Fighters...from a distance. But the fight scences, Kalishplosions and collapsable walls in some fight scenes make look like an episode of Power Rangers.

Not the kind of thing a fan of Martial Arts films wants to hear.
But if you want to read how to do a Tekken film RIGHT, Stay tuned to boggerboxoffice.blogspot.com

CREDITS
Tekken live action Review was Written, edited and compiled by Eamonn Bermingham
With clips from:
Tekken Live Action
Russel Howard's Good News
Tekkenpedia
With music:
Jin's theme from Tekken 3
When Will I Be Famous by Bros
Girls(Who Runs The World?) by Beyonce
All clips belong to there respected owners, all Rights Reserved
Tekken is the property of Namco/Bandai
and Tekken live action is produced by Optimum Releasing.
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TICKET TO RIDE PART 1:A BRIEF DIAGNOSIS

(the following work of fiction is a brief synopsis of the current Devil's Dvd storyline on the sister site. bogger box office.)

february 2011
To celebrate pathofenlightment's then 3rd birthday, Eamonn along with Joe-jack and 80's lad, reviewed the Inception. the surperb sci-fi put Eamonn on cloud 9 so it did. So Joe-jack issued eamonn to the challenge to watch sex and the city1. In March the film made eamonn tempt fate and say that there was no film worse. Then the comet landed. and delivered the impossible. A film worse than satc.

LEAP YEAR!
The Racically driven film sent his patrioticly Irish blood to boil. and in his rage, said to sell his soul to the devil. he was then put in a coma for a whole month. May came so did the 2nd 3 tickets to hell event. the invasion of the local supermarket in protest of cheap dvds driving dvd shops out of business was the first example of the devil's dvd power to send plot items from the reviewed films out to the real world. So by sending the plane from sleath. Eightie's Lad blew up the supermarket with the owner inside. eamonn was left on the ground where he was attack by a rent-a-cop! eamonn defeated the temp with a superpower the Hadou-Kara punch as an intentive Satan looked on.
Satan was not the only ones to infintarate our world. Frank from Donnie darko left a cryptic warning.

"HAVE YOU SEEN A LITTLE GIRL? THIS HIGH WITH BLACK HAIR ? YOU WILL IN 11 MONTHS!"
As well as a demon disguised as Drunk-o Drew Barrymore to kill Eamonn. After a break, Eamonn hit the devil where he lived. with review of Avatar. but he never showed up, bar an ouija board marker than told Eamonn that this year. there will only on film being reviewed for Ticket to Hell. The tension was running high between the 3 heroes. even at Christmas, as a usually laid-back Eighties lad was home-sick and tired of modern life. In February,Eamonn returned to SATC 2 and in his anger got captured. But providing Joe-jack a(sigh!) Nappy Lorry to find Eamonn. leaving 80'S Lad alone with the devil. Promising to sent him home via portal in the film Hot-tub time machine! Lad's disappearance led to a computer programme under the the earth crust to activate a "Universal Deletion Protocal"

But that is a story for another day!

THE PEOPLE'S WRESTLMANIA:THIRD WAVE OF PREDICTIONS!

New match signed

NON-TITLE DIVAS TAG MATCH!
Poor Beth Phionex! This time last year at Waste-of-a-mania she was buried and used in a comedy stint. Upon turning heel she was become champion and has being on a tear, But as i said they had to turn compentent heels like tamina face and somehow Nattie's disrespectful flatulence gimmick is to turn her also.
But Beth has no competion. Kong is a new mother,Tamina had her shot, AJ is a heel as is Nattie and Naomi who came second in NXT 3  IF YOU REMEMBER is a dancer! so who is left?

Sigh.....
BETH PHIONEX AND EVE "BOTCH" TORRES VS KELLY KELLY AND SOME SKANK FROM E!

REALLY? YOU'RE DOING THE CELEBRITY PARTICPATION THING AGAIN?
OKAY SNOOKI IN A MATCH IS ONE THING! WE KNOW WHO SNOOKI IS IN IRELAND!
WE DON'T KNOW WHO MARIA MENTOS OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS...IS! WHO IS SHE? YOU ARE A GLOBAL COMPANY AND YOU ARE BRODCASTING, NOT JUST SOME SKANK THAT HAS NO BUSINESS IN YOUR RING BUT GOING AGAINST YOUR CHAMPION!
HOW DISTRESSING WILL IT BE FOR FEMALE FANS TO SEE A WOMEN WHO HAS TO WEAR A BIKINI TO RAISE RATINGS GO AGAINST A WOMEN WHOSE GIMMICK IS PURE FEMINISM!
ARE YOU SURE VINCE IS NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE?
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGH

I'm going to have a rest in a dark room if you like this bookmark, press follow at the top right corner, or friend me at youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment

THE PEOPLE'S WRESTLEMANIA! SECOND WAVE OF PREDICTIONS

This is an update as of wednesday 14th of march.

NEW MATCH SIGNED!

RANDY ORTON VS KANE
I don't like them.
I hate Now hate everything about Orton. His slow, Runs-on-battries ring walk, his one-word-a-milliea promos. and the Roster screwing mega-push that made Christian who busted his ass last year to become champ, only for orton to make his run as champ for 2 days!

And then there's Kane...
Everytime I see this tired, immobile slab of meat get pit on the shelf, we think he is done. but then we have to watch through crappy vignettes to realises he's coming back.
And he comes back...Stronger than ever and more irritating...
Like Thrush Or Something!
Anyway, My prediction for Kane Loses to...I mean, versus Orton.....WORK IT OUT!

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THE PEOPLE'S WRESTLEMANIA-FIRST WAVE OF PREDICTIONS!

(this post is only predicting the outcomes of the signed matches as of the first week of march only.as according to offical wwe sources.and televised announcements)

THE ROCK VS JOHN FUCKING CENA!
1 third of 'mania's triple Main Event, Its the Rock versus the Fruity pebble, the Bramha Bull vs the Bramha Bullshit! It's the Marine vs the Tooth Fairy! this time exactly 10 years ago. the rock lost to that old Hack Hogan to put him over! However hogan came back to (snigger!) wrestle. Rock is not back on the roster. So why would he put himself over when he is leaving to film again? Despite this it's in his home town so unless they want to pull a Jim Ross in Miami. expect the rock to lay the smackdown on J.F.C'S MAN-GINA

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Now this is going to be something special also! C.M. Punk the man who this last year was at the crux of telling McMahon to take his job and shove it, is headlining the main-event. His opponent? Chris jericho, possibly the best Canadian wrestler in the past decade (except for that guy we can't mention!). Jericho believes that everyone has rip-off him in someway. and the main person doing it is punk. I think punk will win simply because Jericho is leaving AGAIN. This time to play in his band that is supporting a bigger band, or to runner-up in a game-show or host a game-show that will get axed in its first season.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!(YES! YES!YES!YES!)
Ironically this match was on the card last year but was cancelled in lieu to that michael cole/Jerry Lawler debacle! Our man Sheamus will take on the increasingly heelish Daniel Bryan. This will be a very high octane clash, and one with a sense of importance. As you know there is a storyline that Johnny ace is wanting to dethrone Teddy long and become Double GENERAL MANAGER! And both men has picked sides so this match, that will go either way,will most likely change the battlefield completly.

THE STREAK!
HELL IN A CELL!
HHHVS UNDERTAKER III!
Every year , for the past 4 years, i have said Undertaker the easiest bet i ever made. That was until we saw those leaked photos of undertaker, Bald, grey Old and tired, Its was a shock to many. And the focus of Taker's gimmick is now that is finding opponents that could end his streak, not being retailiated after they cost him a title match like every single other match in the streak. this will be the second time the cell will be at mania, the winner of the first match? taker! the man with most hell in the cell experience? HHH! EXPECT IT TO ROUGH! EXPECT IT TO BE BLOODY!

EXPECT IT TO STEAL THE SHOW!

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
BORING DASHING JUST PLAIN CODY RHODES VS GOLDDUST BIG SHOW!
So Dustin is denied his Last Hurrah, And Big slow will be facing Rhodeth! Cody has being getting on our collective nerves with his embarrassing Big show moments vignettes, Showcasing the tomfoolery that goes into booking show for 10+ years straight.
I predict that show's  big Linkara Punch will correct Cody's lisp by the night end!

Walkers mystery flavours review

It is offically the fouth year of this underground sensation that is the enlightened page. 4 YEARS AGO....When this blog was created, it was an entertainment blog... My Own Entertainment. then i Discovered Doug walker, Lewis Lohvag and TheWrestlingfan.com and thought....What if i made their style of reviewing to critique wrestling? and so this blog is categorized as a wrestling blog.

However, the reviewing of crisp flavours by walkers was the very first thing i ever did.

THIS YEAR WALKERS has introduced 3 mystery flavours inspired by(and i'm quoting here!) "Britain's favourite ingredients and flavours!"

THE BLUE PACK
Crisp is yellow with green herbs and a strong garlicky smell
it is the returning GARLIC BREAD flavour from the World cup walkers review.

THE GREEN PACK
Crisp is gravy covered with herbs dotted here-and-there,
It is an improved CHICKEN DINNER from last year's red nose walker's review.

THE BURGUNDY PACK
This one required a lot of thought!
The crisp is covered in a brownish-red spice and covered in black pepper
Don't quote me on this but i think it's an ITALIAN SAUSAGE of some sort.

Well that's it!
there won't be a review of elim chamber but there will be wrestlemaina specials up until wrestlemania.

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