monty python 9-5

at 9 THE KILAMANJARO EXPEDITION

PREMISE: a mountaineer is applying for a job for the eccentric sir bernard grape, who has double vision

mountaineer: and tell me who else is om my team?

Grape: oh, myself the two of you and brothers called johnson

mountaineer: Twins(!)
Grape: no Quads!

8. the dirty knife.

PREMISE: A proud waiter, maitre de and chef all commit suicide at the table of Palin who complained over a dirty knife
The punchline: a good thing i didnt say anything about the dirty fork!

7. SELF DEFENCE AGAINST FRESH FRUIT
PREMISE: clesse is a drill sergeant who has a vendetta/fear of people with fruit so he holds classes.
now today we are going to defend against fresh fruit
class lets off a sigh
Sergeant: whats the matter?
we've done fruit sir
IDLE: cant we do pointed sticks?
oh mister high and mighty wants to do pointed sticks well dont come crying to me when you are attacked by a loganberry looney!

now the banana if someone attacks you with a banana first you disarm the banana, then you eat the banana you mister apricot
HARRISON!
What ever attack me with that banana and be vicious about it!

(Harrison lunges at the sergeant screaming and is then shot by the sergeant dead)
now you eat the banana!
you killed him!
of course he had a banana! now mister passionfruit
PETERSON!
ok peterson, have a banana i will show you how to arm your self without a gun
idle: with a pointed stick!
shutup!
(peterson attacks the sargent and is crushed by a 16 ton-weight)

now the smartman have a banana
no i dont want to die
i wont kill you
no guns
no
no weights
no
ok fine
(idle attacks the sergeant who pulls on a lever. idle is chased off stage by a tiger)
how do you like my tiger, eh what? better than a pointed stick!

6. crunchy frog
PREMISE: two policemen are called to a confectioner's shop to stop the production of some peculiar sweets.
crunchy frog its the bones that them crunchy!

5. the Hungarian phrase book
PREMISE: a Hungarian to English phrasebook causes outrage
shopkeeper how can i help you
hungarian: my record has a scrath
this is a tobacconist
oh! my tobbacco has a scrath!
no do you want to buy some tobacco?
(reads from book) do you want to come back to my place
what?
i want to take of your trousers!
(the tourist is arrested but the real culpit is the author of the book mr TEAPOT)
lawyer: i will now read from the book the hungarian pharse where is the train station transalates into the enligsh "please fondle my buttocks"
more coming up soon!