profile on Joe-jack

name: JOE-JACK
From: Butt-crack county cavan
occupation: turf farmer
age: 45 and a half!
martial status: lives with mammy!
hobbies: watching filliums,GAA, line-dancing,faking crop circles wif me tractor to bring in tourists, going ons with sheep
favourite film: angelas ashes
favourite music: i likes both kinds, country and irish
hates: Townies multiply like rabbits they do!

introducing a seperate blog

during my results of hard justice post(great show by the way) i mentioned some-one called Joe-Jack and that i had something special planned. well i'm doing a second blog of reviews of terrible films called Bogger Box Office! so Joe-jack is yes a carector i created my first review will be tonight of Dance flick so enjoy because i wont!

why tna is the future of wrestling preveiw

ok considering i spent most of last month trashing the wwe, i am going to start on a 4 parter describing Total non-stop Action Wrestling or TNA. most of you would not have heard of tna but it is the number 2 promotion in the world. i first saw tna 2 years ago on Bravo when it was really a rip off of wwe gimmicks so i thought it sucked. i thought it would never get off the ground.

then the terrible happened.
something you bad i can only sum it up in 3 words
VINCE.
BASTARDIZED.
ECW!

with ecw originals jobbing to new talent, vampires, teachers, and dance numbers. out of frustrastion i turn over to tna hoping to get at least one wrestling match while kelly layla and the one that got fired are shaking their ass to the rhytmn of booing real fans.
ok 1-5-3

IT WAS LIKE AN OUTERBODY EXPEIRIENCE! A VISION OF UTOPIA!
i see when known wrestlers that left wwe fighting up and comer wrestlers that were never in wwe unlike wwe the so called nobody won. i see technical matchs and i see hardcore matches of great quality. so good i WOULD SWEAR I WAS WATCHING THE ORIGINAL ECW! i see tag matches and a tag division that RESPECT THE TAG BELT! and get this i see A womens division that CAN WRESTLE AND TELL STORIES
SORRY VINCE THERES NOTHING LEFT FOR ME ON SKY SPORTS
I VE CROSSED THE LINE!

worst chat up lines

its been a while since ive done this so heres another mock the week scence we like to see

• i collect phone numbers, can i have yours?
• you dont sweat much for a fat one!
• hi i'm Dick Hammerbush and this my friend, Pat McGroin!
• i've a wooden leg! guess which one! (this was used on me-eamonn!)
• what can i get for 10 euro?
• are you going to eat that?
• INTERCOURSE! I WANT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH YOU!(from American Dad)

summerslam results (quickie)

rey mysterio bet Dolph ziggler in an exciting opener

mvp bet Jack Swagger in a wrestling masterclass

Jeri-show bet cryme tyme in match where crime time looked great!

kane bet Khali in a boring match

dx bet legacy in a dull match

Christian met william regal in less than a minute

orton retained in a match with 3 restarts. Garcia fucked up the annoucement and ab-libbed to the the best of her ability into a no dq match

Cm punk won the worlds championship in a wild and unpredictable tlc match after the lights flickered and gong was played. Hardy was replaced by Undertaker who chokeslammed the champ. Taker is back!

notes
Aerosmiths new album is called"Honkin' with Boyz". something Louis walsh could write a book about!

the "fan" that attacked the ring during orton vs cena is Bret DiBiasie the answer is yes by the way.

summerslam review

Okay so this my first post using the new post format lots of fancy new gimmick i will experiment with later.
we are 24 hours away from Summerslam (or Summerfest thanks to that fair-weather fan Jeremy"that guy from Entourage" Piven) i dont watch it. but remember the simpsons episode where homer becomes an opera singer, Lenny and carl for five minutes dress as Vinnys friends and pull some of homers groupies? that five minutes told me more about the plot than the series itself.

oh yeah. wrestling predictions in order of title importance.

WWE Championship
Randy orton(c) vs John FUCKING Cena
winner:WHO CARES ANYMORE!??!!!

World heavyweight championship-Tables,ladders and chairs(tlc)
Jeff hardy(c) vs Cm punk
winner:this will be jeff last ppv match so punk will win tonight or smackdown

ECW Championship
christian(c)vs William regal
money on: regal to finally become a world champion!

Intercontinental championship
Rey mysterio vs Dolph ziggler
money on:Ziggler
wishful thinking: if maria is ringside again, have her do something! ANYTHING!

Tag team championship
Cryme tyme vs Chris Jericho and Big show (c)
Money on: Cryme time

DX VS ORTON'S BITCHES  LEGACY
money on: expect some funny skit before or after the match and dx to win

Kane vs Khali
Money on: kane, with Runjin turning on khali. it could happen!

jack Swagger vs mvp
winner: swagger but only just

full results monday

HARD JUSTICE RESULTS!

Because its on bravo2 they will go to break every 15 minutes

promo package wait steven hawking is doing a voiceover for a wrestling show?

how did that conversation go
TNA:
heres you free tickets, dr. hawking
HAWKING:
thankyou i will cheer for beer money they are going to fuck people up!

STEEL ASYLUM MATCH
ALEX SHELLY VS CHRIS SABIN VS AMAZING RED VS CHRISTOPHER DANIELSVS JAY LETHAL VS CONSEQUENCES CREED VS SUICIDE VS "THE BLACK POPE" ELIJAH BURKE
Burke spent 3 minutes taking of his bling

AD BREAK THOUGHT: Why cant car ads say this is a car. Buy it !?

since this is a steel asylum match, the bars will obsure the action, as the crowd chants lets go pope, basically no actual wrestling just climbing around in this oversized jungle gym
suicide is in this match. and homicide is wrestling later. there should be a IRA gimmick called Regicide! sabin has daniels in a head lock and is polishing his head again i have to ask,
wtf?
okay creed was on a cover of a fag-mag, who knew Creed rode on the other bus?
with everyone on the cage now its time for some kick ass spots.
daniels starts by hitting a Fall from grace on the top rope
Sabin hits a towerana on 5 men followed by him teaming with shelley hitting a chaingang ddt followed by a tower plex attempt into a towerbomb!
FINISH HIM!
Shelly hits slice bread
creed hit gut buster
red hits RED-EYE
daniels hits rock bottom on burke
daniels climbs the hole
Winner: daniels
Abyss vs jethro holiday
abyss beats holiday with black hole slam
ad break thought we dont have White castle in Ireland
IWGP TAG CHAMPIONSHIP
beer money vs british invasion
rob terry lost his match to hernadez in lest than a minute
eric young is out for commentary he look like angle now. Brutus magnus (real name Nick adlis) should call himself mr sky tv. Hes on bravo, he was on gladiators on sky1, he has his own show on L.A. muscle this guy is everywhere! there is always at most wrestling show a bizarre fan in the audience tonight is no exception as there is a guy holding to salamis up in the air. There is a wanker chant to Doug williams. if that was in wwe all the Cena fans would ask mammy whats a wanker? end comes when young cause a distraction.
winners and still champion the british invasion
Ad break thought buy the rab c nesbitt box set

Knockout championship tag match
Odb and cody deaner vs the beuatiful people (c)
Deaners home town is called Buckshot? that makes Joe-jack's town of Buttcrack some less country who's Joe-jack? well lets just say i have something special planned!
anyway this just deaner chasing spanking and kiss all the member of the bp's.end comes when Madison inadvertently sprays velvet with mace
winners Cody deaner, and by proxy of his win,new knockout champion o.d.b
after the match deaner leaves with the womens belt and love and velvet turn on madison
AD BREAK THOUGHT: coming to cinemas soon! billy gates and the chocolate factory!

X Division championship match
Samoa joe vs homicide
this match is pretty one-sided, i think homicide may be out after this match. homicide taps to Taz-mission
Winner and new x division champion: Joe
AD BREAK THOUGHT: i surprised gary lineker isnt fat after eating all those Walkers!

Tag team championship match
Team 3d vs Scott Steiner and booker t
Booker cannot seem to take anything serious anymore its like the King booker gimmick in WWE rot his brain. if he is not dancing to the ring he is doing all these body-builder poses or pretending to golf! Ritalin please Nurse for mr Huffman!

Ad break thought: are the Churchill ads getting funnier OH YES!
Okay so this match is just a brawl and it end in controversial fashion as bubba pins booker and steiner pins devon on same time. to ref comfirm the video footage the did pin at the same time and right call is made
Draw and still tag team champions booker t and scott steiner
Ad break thought: 1 litre of mars chocolate milk. because coco pops arent bad enough on there own!

wwe legends championship
Kevin Nash vs mick foley

Nashs wrist is in a cast, maybe he injured it answering the phone! makes more sense than injuring his quad that way hhh!
foley comes out and this is going to be great. i'm going out on a limb and going to say

ITS ON, MOTHERFUCKA!!!

THIS MATCH IS HARDCORE a fight on the outside and foley is bleeding a lot from his right eye
he ends this one looking like Two-face with a beard, but foley believes in sharing the pain so nash is also busted open and to sent this home blood splatters the len of a camera with every mounted punch to foley, foley gets out his barbed wire bat but Tracey runs from the back to distract foley. nash pins
winner and new Legends champion: kevin "in it for the" Cash!
Nash get the barbed bat but out comes abyss with one of his own, foley is up but seems to be holding that eye ball in place.
Ad break time for hot chocolate for i'll never get to sleep!
THREE WAY MATCH FOR THE WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP
STING VS MATT MORGAN VS KURT ANGLE
Matt morgans wife is sitting in the audience please tna dont do 1 of these two scenarios
1) give morgan the title for a "Rocky" moment
2)have morgans wife manage her husband to the point he gets a rep for being an unprofessional prick! (i'm talking to you, Booker and Sharmell)

Ad break thought: yeah i dont like reversing lorries either

formal intros Morgan booed Sting cheered, Angle LOUDLY BOOED!
Morgan goes to the outside and gets a kiss for luck from his wife this gets an aww from the audience. the Crowd gets on Angle's case with a you got Arrested chant. angle will be serving 2 months communnity service. Sting is lifted into sidewalk slam by Morgan but instead of performing the move correctly be just drops the icon painfully. what a Jackass!
angle seems to be hurt wil be drop the belt because of the arrest no angle is playing possum! he pins morgan
Winner and still champion angle
ARREST OR NO ARREST, IF YOU WANT TO BEAT ANGLE FOR THE TITLE YOU'D HAVE TO KILL HIM!
OVERALL: Ok so it was an almost clean sweep for the heels with the knockout championship not belong to the main event mafia or world elite camps. the terry/hernadez match was pointless, but the legend match was a great bloody(literally!) match, with angle being profressional despite sunday mornings arrest!
so i'll say thumbs up!

why wwe sucks today part 4

PART 4 THE WWE DIVAS

(sigh....)

(bangs head of table)

(hmm.)

yeah i bet you are wondering why you read that. it is the answer to that age old question: what hurts the most banging your head on the table or watching a wwe women's division match?

well consider how bad the womens division has become in wwe, i would take blood force trauma to giggling bimbos botching simple manoeuvres any day!
okay to avoid confusion while the rest of the sport calls lady-wrestlers just that wrestlers. wwe calls them "divas" why because lady-wrestlers are not what wwe is looking for,no! they need a vague term so people will pay 300 dollars to see a roster of 6 legit wrestlers (phionex, mickie james, gail kim, burchill, melina, nattie) and a harem of models (most of them) dancers (layla el) and playboy models (maria, tiffany and maryse)
natuarlly enough with six women that know what they are doing and 20 odd who dont. could they all be trained to know what they are doing?

wait this is the wwe were talking about
they always fuck things up for the fans!

consider this: barbie blank, victoria crawford and natalylia neidhart all sign to the wwe in 2005 all 3 were models (yes hard to believe when you look at the double N now!)
nataylia is of course the daughter of the legendary tag champ jim the anvil. with wwe signing second generation wrestlers all time, its a bonus if they can wrestle. (i'm talking to you, Cody Rhodes!) but no she was signed to the main roster last year.

Victoria crawford (aka alicia fox) was a bikini model so she was hired on her looks but has a black belt in capaoira so she can handle herself when it comes to the striking ascept but trails behind on the wrestling fundementals. she was officially called up two years ago.

barbie blank (what an ironic name for a blonde if it wasn't her real name!) was modeling for the same catalogue as alicia. she was renamed Kelly Kelly.when she was told that wwe was paying GOOD MONEY FOR HOT PIECES OF ASS! she was signed to main roster with NO TRAINING! on her first day of wrestling training she TRIPPED on the ring ropes as she was entering the ring naturally she is still being sent down every month to train. so why is she still on the main roster?
i'd imagine in Vinces office somone stumbled on a smiling vince shouting "DAHMMIT DONT YOU EVER KNOCK???" as kelly rise from behind the desk, wipes her mouth and asks "Did i get the job?"

time for a new series of rants called why tna is the future of wrestling

WHY WWE SUCKS TODAY! PART 3

part 3 the roster

all i keep hearing on wwe blogs and message-boards is(read in whiney voice) wwe sucks because the are no good wrestlers on the roster!"

to those idiots i say:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

All the good wrestlers are not in the main event they are in the midcard, and low card or being used as jobbers so rather than being in the main event so rather talk about them all lets do a top 11 under used wrestlers in wwe. why 11 cause i like doug walker.
11 william regal.
with 20+ years in the sport regal should have been world champion but his skint as commissioner has stop him from being the champ.
10 paul burchill
one gimmick that would have fans talking is the aborted incest gimmick between him and his "sister" katie lea (they are in fact married!) im not promoting incest at all im just saying that the heat(thats ring talk for negative reaction ) would have being huge but vince went pg and now the burchills are dying on ecw.
9 kofi kingston
the jamacian (really Ghanan) sensation was screwed over this february when edge attack him and took his place in the chamber. while we knew that he wouldnt have won anyway,wouldnt it be great to see a cruiser weight flying around the cage?
8 every cruiserweight in wwe not named rey mysterio
there need to a cruiser weight title again the smaller have no pride anymore and tna used them so well
7 hornswoggle
hornswoggle is wrestling's Marmite. half loves him half hates him. i love the little leprechaun! due to the fact that midget wrestling has been around since wrestling itself
6 zack ryder
woo woo wooo! you know it felt weird saying that in my head. but now there are woo woo woo caps and shirts on shopzone. and they selling fast! i dont know why ryder sucks in the ring but he sure has a following
5 shelton benjamin.
WHY OH WHY is this man not worlds champion oh yeah i forgot BECAUSE HHH IS FUCKING THE BOSS' DAUGHTER
THATS WHY!
4 charlie haas
see number 5
3 matt hardy
matt hardy is just a victim of the machine. everything matt has done will always be outdone by his druggie brother for that when jeff does leave and spends his days baking special brownies, you know matt will be wwe champion. until edge gets him fired again. ass hole!
2 finlay
all ireland champion british lightweight champion united states champion 30 years veteran undefeated in 9 countries. why cant vince add wwe champion to that list
1 evan bourne
sure hes riding high now but wait til he jobs to big useless heap like mizark henry or the big slow

next time i will talk about the on thing that has set women's sport back by 100 years:
the wwe divas

why wwe sucks today part 2

part 2 john cena

today i'm going to talk about wwes golden boy john cena.

and considering that cena is one of the worst wrestlers of all time special precautions have being taken so i dont KILL Myself!
for instince all sharp object have been removed, i dont have any shoelaces in case i hang my self. its just me this computer and a bottle of water.

but they didnt count on my tic-tac box full of cyanide pills!
so lets se why this man is consider a bad wrestler.

one thing is that he is the figure-head for the change in fans. every arena now has nothing but little brats in the audience now. i used to follow wrestling in the attitude era and original ecw years. and the fans are rowdy bastards with chants that would give the air a blue streak. but now the secury are now order to throw out fans that are vocal about hating cena or anyone so instead of hearing

YOU GOING TO GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD KICKED IN! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!
or
FUCK HIM UP TAZ! FUCK HIM UP CLAP CLAP

ITS NOW
MAMMY, MAMMY, I WANT A JOHN CENA SHIRT MAMMY! I WANT TO BE IN THE CHAIN GANG!

if that is not the gayest sounding thing i dont know what is! the chain gang! he,s supposed to be this gangsta rapper but he looks like Vanilla ice's Bitch.
thats right!
BITCH!!
he thinks he is getting the crowd pumped for the match by pumping up his shoes.

when the Sandman walked through the crowd to Enter sandman the crowd cheered
when the Rock cut people down in promos and made us laugh(to the point of quoting them!) the crowd cheered
when austin flipped of macmahon and stunned him.the crowd cheered
cena pumping his nike airs the crowd apart for the kiddies couldnt care less
now all the gimmicks are now kid friendly. all the matches are shortened and gimmicks are taking place of ability and toughness. its the 80s all over again

next time i will that about the entire roster

want more sky channels? OF COURSE YOU DO!!!!

THESE ARE THE CODES THAT SKY IRELAND DO NT WANT YOU TO KNOW!
To get these codes press your services button and press 4 twice you will be on a screen called ADD CHANNELS
there are 4 panels in the first with your remotes key pad log in the code in panel 2 toggle between H or v these are the two satellites
the third is signal strength 22.o or27.50
finally the frequency: 1/2, 3/4 4/5, 5/6, 7/8

ok now you know how heres you codes

10788 h 22.0 5/6
contains:bbc 1 london bbc 2 england cbbc cbeebies bbc3 bbc4 bbc n1 five

10.758 v 22.0 5/6
contains: itv1 london itv2 citv itv4 granada Anglia east and central west

10.832 h 22.0 5/6
central east central south itv4+1 wales itv1 west itv border

10.891 h 22.0 5/6
itv tt north, meridian south, anglia south yorkshire west itv2+1

10.906 v 22.0 5/6
stv, utv, channel islands, talksport itv3 itv3 +1

bbc frequencies
10.788 v 22.0 5/6
bbc1 west midlands,north west, yorkshire and linconshire,yorkshire, east midlands, east(east)

10803 h 22.0 5/6
bbc 1 wales bbc2 wales bbc1 scotland bbc 2 scotland bbc 1 ni bbc radio 5 live extra

10818 v 22.0 5/6
bbc1 west, south west, south, south east, cumbria,oxford

10.847 v 22.0 5/6
bbc cambridge (aka east-west) channel islands, bbc hd(hd box only-DUH!)

11.954 H 27.5 2/3
BBC news, parliment, alba, radio one,radio two, radio 3,radio 4 fm 4 lw, radio scotland wales, cymru, 1 extra, 6 music,7 rna g, london, ulster, Asian, world service.

DISCLAIMER:
Now your sky box can only hold 50 of these channels stored in OTHER CHANNELS so you have to choose between radio,itvs and bbcs. its trail by error and what preference of music and programmes will help you choose. choose stv as it show films instead of fa cup matches if you dont like football.

why the wwe sucks today! part one

Word on all the wrestling forums is that RAW this week was the worst in history. in cause you've been living under a rock since last month raw hasnt a fixed general manager. but a celebrity host Who just happen to have been shown on camera at live events. this week its host is the guy from entourage
you know entourage every week rte hype it up because There rte and everything that rte hype is CRAP and the show people like are making money for sky.

but i haven't seen raw yet

now I'm going to tell you readers why wwe is dying on its ass

1. Vince McMahon

its ironic that i put him on this list the man who change the sport is the man who may kill it.

see that word i used there sport and not entertainment that's because wrestling is should still be viewed as a sport. a sport like soccer where its stars are payed generously. but a bit too generously even the jobbers (wrestlers payed to lose) are payed to much. in the awa, backstage if you could tell who was a top guy and who wasn't.

if a guy was wearing a suit, Rolex and carrying a Harburtion briefcase he was a champ or at least a main eventer if he wasn't, he wasn't, and now you have wrestlers thinking that if you get injured and get payed more guaranteed money just like a certain bleech blonde piece of shit from Green Bay.

also Vince is a real hit with the ladies. or so he thinks but almost every diva who came through Vinny's office has took vinces as he says "Grapefruits" of course this may be the reason why Taryn "Tiffany" Terrell is ECW Genaral Manager without so much as ever winning a match.

and when vince does head to that big sports arena in the sky, who will be the chairperson?

Stephanie McMahon and Triple h

Stephanie cannot book a match that doesnt involve her husband to save her live in fact if steph does take over it would set wrestling back 50 years. if shane gets its though this would great as shane bought wcw under his fathers nose and competed until the end while Steph bought ecw and ran its into the ground.

next time i will shed light on what many think is the biggest waste of tv time on wwe...no other that john FUCKING Cena!