It is I, "Enlightened" Eamonn Bermingham, Channel Awesome Journeyman and Seasoned Reviewer. here, with my predictions of This Sunday's Wrestlemania 31!
(ALL MATCHES IN DESCENDING IMPORTANCE!)
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
BROCK "EAT SLEEP COLLECT PAYCHECK REPEAT!" LESNER(C) VS BLOW-MAN REIGNS
So, People were upset with Roman snatching the title off Brock last night, This will definitely be a precursor to When Roman wins. But if you think Seth will cash in on sunday, I DOUBT IT! Because it should have become clear what the plan with roman is by now. For 2 years all the shield members have won matches at mania, I'll get into Rollins and Ambrose in just a sec-but the just give roman a new streak. I'm not capitilising it because in many minds, there can only be one streak and that was The Streak!
MONEY ON:ROMAN, AND A CASH IN ON RAW!
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP 7-WAY LADDER MATCH
BAD NEWS BARRET(C) VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS DANIEL BRYAN VS LUKE HARPER VS DEAN AMBROSE VS
A Ladder match with 6 wrestlers that will probably be the higher echelon in the next 6 years. and One of Hunt-uh buddies from his Brown Tongue Brigade-because we can't have nice things!
MONEY ON: Bryan
U.S TITLE MATCH
RUSEV LOSES TO-I MEAN VERSUS JOHN CENA!
Okay Rusev little advice, i'd enjoy your little Russian Army entrance on sunday, because Monday on raw you're gonna need a big bottle of Windolene!
MONEY ON: THE FUCK YOU THINK!
TAG TEAM TITLE FATAL FOREWAY(KICK OFF SHOW)
CESARO/KIDD(C) VS POO-DAY(KOFI/BIG E) VS THE BOO-SUCKS VS THE MATADORES
The tag champions are screwed over twice on the run-FACT! Also Jimmy Uso's arm is broken! I don't know what Vince is thinking? maybe because he thinks no-one will be there to watch the match-oh really! because they were their last month Chanting New day sucks at your crappy fastlane that no-one wanted to buy in Britain, so much so that they made it free in the last minute! if they were chanting it loud then, You just Wait til Sunday!
MONEY ON: KIDD/CESARO
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN: The colons to complain about wwe doing this shit to them in the first place 4 years ago and they and the champs stage a walk out!
TAG MATCH
BELLA SKANKS VS PAIGE AND AJ LEE
Covering people in tan?
stealing clothes from people in the shower?
"She said, i said?"
WHAT ARE YOU,6?
I HOPE #GIVEDIVASACHANCE DOES GET OFF, SO WRITERS WILL HAVE TO WRITE BELIEVABLE FEMALE CHARECTERS!
WINNERS: BELLA SKANKS!
THE ANDRE 2!
EVERY WRESTLER WHO COUNTS THEIR BLESSINGS EVERYDAY THAT THEY ARE STILL UNDER CONTRACT!
of the 20 superstars that are in the Andre, only 2 have a storyline, Damien Sandow and the GOBSHITE FROM MTV! Sure Lame-Arse will return but who cares? he'll get no reaction, not even from his countrymen from Ireland
MONEY ON: Sandow to eliminate Miz last, or vice versa! in a final four that contains Axel and Sheamus!
TRIPLE H VS STING!
This match surely exists to twist the knife into Dixie Carter, as if Inducting Larry Zybrisco wasn't enough! And while Triple H is phenomenal shape for a 44 year old executive of a world wide company and father of 3 young children, he has not wrestled since last year. Sting has (though, of course WWE Programming won't elude to that!)
MONEY ON: TRIPLE H, YES I'M BUCKING THE TREND, BUT MAKING HIM WIN WILL UNDERMINE TRIPLE H'S POWER IN THE LONG, IF HE WON!
UNDERTAKER VS BRAY WYATT
One has to wonder what's left for undertaker after the demise of the Streak. Could this be his final match? could this be Undertaker's testimonial? Is the Deadman handing all his power, if you will to a younger man with a similar gimmick? All signs seem to point to yes!
WINNER: OH I'M SPLIT BUT BY THE THINNEST OF MARGINS, UNDERTAKER!
SETH ROLLINS LOSES TO-I MEAN VERSUS BLANDY BORE-TON!
You just made this match so the marks will think CatWoman will cash in, didn't you?
WINNER: BORE-TON!
I'll have full results on Monday Morning on my wrestlemania resutls post (WORKING TITLES: The Santa Clara Question(Where the Fuck is Santa Clara) Nikki Bella's Homesick Silicon, BIG DAY IN THE BAY, IF RUSEV LOSES WE INVADE!) Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @RealEnli
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