A DEAD COMPANY PRESENTS: TNA SLAMMIVERSARY: WARMING UP THE BODY BEFORE THE FUNERAL!

By now, you've already heard that TNA has already pre-recorded several title changes and returns. making the booking of this show and the fanfare of being the first time it was shown live in Britain. completely pointless.

I'm only going to focus mostly on the King Of the Mountain Match, since well, i never covered one! and this match is so confusing that it needs explaining.

One match that was surprising kept under wraps was the X Division Championship 3-way against Zima Ion vs Jockstrap and Tigre Uno. I've said before, night after night, we don't know which side of Tigre's offence we will see-Sloppy Tigre or Brilliant Tigre. Thank good Brilliant Tigre came out to play, after trouncing Zima with a split legged Moonsault, the Mexican got the w by pinning Manik with the SabreTooth Splash.

The Former BLOW-mance came out with new looks. Hey Jesse Glassjawz? Chris Masters called, he'll see you in court! Whiles Robbie E now hailing from "the university of New Jersey" is slowly turning into Damien Sandow. What we saw was 2 years of frustration on having to babysit Gobberz and his career taking a nosedive finally being rectified! Robbie was always the talent of the team, so good for him!

The Bram vs Matt Morgan match was a street fight, so nothing but punches and kicks. Morgan has not improved in the slightest, but bringing him back after firing him when he left to raise his new born baby was just cruel, so red-tape trumps lacklustre movesets any day, so i was rooting for him. Bram Won with the Brighter Side of Suffering, a quite mouthy name for a ddt!

I slept through the next match, sorry but street fights have that effect on me, especially at 3am! However this was one of the many matches ruined by spoilers, Davey Richards vs the now released Austin Aries (wow feels so good to write the word "aries" without bots giving me horoscopes and virus filled links to porn!) the final match in the best of 5 series will now be a 2 out 3 falls match, as chosen by Aries

3 on 2 handicap match as the Psycho-Sugababes known as the Dollhouse faced the unlikely team of awesome Kong and Brooke Adams, plus is there some kind of unwritten rule that incredibly hot women must have annoying voices-Heidi Klum, Cheryl Cole, Nicole Shit-Singer or what and whatever her name is, Brooke Adams has a deep baritone and Taryn, to agree with R.D Reynolds, talks like a 4-year old! this match was different from what i previously advertised on Friday, this was a pin anyone become no 1 contender match! Brooke won and we know what happened at the tapings!

Next was the Match so Sloppy, it actually showed that Dixie is so broke, she can't pay a dollar for her electric meter, an errant foot by Magnus smashed a generator backstage, all the lights, monitors and microphones were working on half power for the rest of the night, This Match between Magnus and James Storm had the worst ending: both hit each other with a beer bottle, but Storm Falls on top of Magnus and inadvertently pins him.

WEAK!

YOUR NEW CHAMPION STARTING WEDNESDAY LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!
20 TORTUROUS MONTH OF ASSISTED WINS, TAG LOSS TECHNICALITIES AND 10 MINUTE SQUASH MATCHES WHERE THE JOBBER GOT HIS FINISHER IN!
(BANG BANG BANG!)
THAT WAS THE FINAL NAIL IN COFFIN BEING HAMMERED IN!

KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH FOR THE TNA KING OF THE MOUNTAIN CHAMPIONSHIP!
DREW GALLOWAY VS ERIC YOUNG VS MATT HARDY VS BOBBY ROODE VS JEFF JARRETT
Ok, Main Event time, I've never covered a King of the Mountain Match and it for the new King of the Mountain championshi-OH COME ON! THAT THE FUCKING LEGEND GLOBAL TELEVISION TITLE WITH A NEW FACEPLATE! Anyway here are the rules.

• The objective of this match is hang the title on the hook over the ring
• all competitor start as being ineligible to win the title, to become eligible a competitor has to score a pinfall or submission.

• Moreover, the pinned superstar must spend 2 minutes in the penalty box, you only have to score a pin once to become eligible, but you may be pinned multiple times and sent to the penalty box multiple times.  

• Once all the wrestlers are eligible, the title belt kept by the time keeper is in play, anything goes, the first to hook the title wins.

WELL, THAT WAS CLEAR AS DISHWATER!
The returning King is given a heroes a welcome, with a "thank you Jarrett" chant breaking out, a big brawl to start, Young sets a ladder across the ring apron, Jarrett with a BAAAACK BODY DROP! to Drew, but pandering to the crowd has made him drop his guard, Roode behind with a schoolboy-
ROODE IS ELIGIBLE TO WIN
JARRETT IS SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX!
After the 2 minutes, the deranged Young blindslides Double J! It's an absolute disaster so far for the tna founder!
YOUNG IS ELIGIBLE TO WIN!
JARRETT IS SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX!
Wasting no time, Eric grabs the belt to hook whilst with another ladder Hardy whales everyone and Young drops the belt, as per the rules at this juncture, only 2 men are eligible, so in the interest of fairness, the belt is returned to the time keeper, Future shock by Galloway on Young, at the same time Twist of fate on Roode!
MATT HARDY AND DREW GALLOWWAY ARE BOTH ELIGIBLE TO WIN
ERIC YOUNG AND BOBBY ROODE ARE SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX

the 2 heels strategize their next move. when they re-enter a small Team Canada reunion, but it's short lived as Young turns on Roode. Hardy got Drew in a vertical Superplex, but Jarrett turns it into a tower of power, he's tossed out by the 2 Canadians who take advantage
GALLOWAY AND HARDY ARE SENT TO THE BOX
Clothesline by Young on his former mentor. Jarrett. Eric Steals Jarrett Guitar from Karen Jarrett who was at ringsde. Nut crusher by Jeff to Eric, Guitar Shot to Roode
JARRETT IS ELIGIBLE, ROODE GOES TO THE BOX, THE BELT IS NOW IN PLAY!

It's heavy Traffic now on the Ladders, Somehow Jeff performs a Huracanrana, goes to Give Eric the Stroke on the ladder lying on the apron, but counters into the Piledriver through the segments of the fucking ladder! as it went on the belt was loosened from someone's grip and they all converged in front of the Box...
BOBBY ROODE HAS RE-ENTERED THE MATCH!
BIG MISTAKE!
But where is Galloway?
FROM NOWHERE! Galloway with a swanton from the top of cage! Jarrett sneaks the belt from all of them, Matt Hardy, the only one with aware-with-all to do something, twist of fate from the ladder, Roode in with a 2nd whim, Spinning powerbomb to hardy! Young limps in sets up a ladder, SUPER STROKE FROM THE LADDER, Jarrett with the belt, the last time he did this, he was pelted with garbage, this time, he is covered by cheers of this loyal fans!
WINNER AND 1ST! TNA KING OF THE MOUNTAIN CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT!

Truth be told, i quite enjoyed the  main event, because the other matches were ruined for many people, however, this leads to more questions than answers, Jeff Jarrett is not on tna's roster. will he sign part time, will bring the belt to global force? i said on Friday that this match had little gravity at the tv tapings the fact that a new belt was made was never mentioned. at all. And so, Unless Tna gets a new TV deal in September, we close the lid on Impact Wrestling. With many of it's main roster seemingly leaving everyday, and pay disputes,  it would probably happen really soon. And that makes me sad, for all my complaining when they get it wrong, they sometimes got it right. only time will tell, i only know that Challenge over her in Ireland has got a taste for wrestling. and they like it! maybe global force or ring of honour OR NXT! will be shown by year's end-who's to say!-

BUT THEN AGAIN, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

A look at Slammiversary on Sunday (Warning! contains *spoilers*!)

(THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, DON'T SCROLL DOWN ANY FURTHER!)

Well, Sunday was supposed to be Slammiversary, the birthday of TNA, But thanks to those idiots putting their World title on a man who is green as catshit!, and stinks just as bad! Yes It's what fans have feared-*SPOILER* ETHAN CARTER IS THE NEW CHAMPION ON THE IMPACT TAPING AFTER THIS EVENT!*

But here comes Jeff Jarrett-the founder of tna- whose romance with Karen Angle, Kurt Angle's wife had tore the company apart-back here to have a good ole gloat at Dixie Y'all's Expense. And don't think this visit is for nostalgia, no!

RESERVE LADDER MATCH WITH A SHARK CAGE FOR SOME REASON MATCH THAT RUSSO MADE UP KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH!
JEFF JARRETT VS BOBBY ROODE VS ERIC YOUNG VS DREW GALLOWAY VS FATT LARDY (PRIZE TO BE CONFIRMED: WIDELY BELIEVED TO BE GLOBAL FORCE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP)
If tna is going to die, then it's going to die by putting on it's most famous, most confusing most hated signature match in company history. Most of the wrestler mentioned a loyal to Jarrett (Young especially) if they are going to jump ship, they have all reason to especially Roode whose team *SPOILER* Lose the best of 5 series at next weeks taping in the decider, because title matches and injuries made Sunday's match number 4, of the series*

Winner: This match had no lasting stake in what was filmed last night! So Cal val could climb the ladder and it would make no difference!

THE SOON-TO-BE WORLD CHAMPION IS IN TAG ACTION
ETHAN MIDCARDER THE TURD & BORE-US CLAY VS MR KENNEDY AND BOBBY LASHLEY
OH, THE FUCK YOU THINK?

THE TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION WILL ALSO BE IN ACTION
THE SUGABABES Dollhouse (Taryn Terrell (c), Jade and Marti Belle) vs Brooke Adams and Awesome Kong
This match is another Russo creation- the Pin Anyone Title Change Tag Match! (Ugh!) and it's gonna end with the faces arguing and costing them the match-but it's not gonna end well for Taryn *SPOILER BROOKE "THE OTHER ONE FROM EXTREME EXPOSE" ADAMS IS THE NEW KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION*

SINGLES MATCH TO DECIDE THE STIPULATION FOR MATCH 5 OF THE BEST OF 5 SERIES FOR THE TAG TITLES... ON THE SHOW AFTER THE PPV!
Davey Richards vs Austin Aries

*SPOILERS MATCH 5 IS A 2 OUT 3 FALLS MATCH I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT FAVOURS SO I DON'T KNOW WHO WINS SUNDAY-I DO KNOW THE WOLVES BECOME CHAMPIONS ON THE IMPACT TAPINGS*

UNSANCTIONED MATCH
JAMES STORM VS MAGNUS
After that whole throw the new Momma under the train crap! Magnus gets Storm but Storm may not be alone!-SPOILERS*Serena Deeb Has joined TNA and the Revolution. she may interfere in this match*

SHIT-PILE!
ROBBIE E VS JESSIE GLASSJAWZ!
We have the case of the Breakup Breakout-and while it seems they want to build on GOBSHITE FROM BIG BROTHER!-It wasn't to long ago that GlassJawz jobbed to a microphone and Robbie had to physically pull his arm back to the right distance!
Money on : Robbie E, But then again they made JTG win when Cryme Time Broke up and you know how well that went for him.

BRAM BLOODY HATES MATT BORE-GAN!
Bram is now the world's angriest man, who start of his promos with "Do You Know What I Bloody Hate? i Bloody Hate X!" IT'S HOW I WILL ANNOUNCE BRAM'S MATCH UNTIL SEPTEMBER! UNLESS THEY GET A NEW TV DEAL! WHICH LOOKS LESS AND LESS LIKELY!

Well, join me Monday for results-if you want- the subtitle for this review will be "warming up the body before the funeral" follow me on Twitter @RealEnli
 

WWE MONEY IN THE BANK 2015 QUICKIE: WHITE SKIN, RED HAIR, AND VERY BROWN TONGUE!

Last night's show was a tribute to Dusty Rhodes and as a tribute, seemingly it was booked like he was still calling the shotth, beh-beh!

First things 1st, lets get the reason  why we are even here out of the way, the Money in the bank ladder match. Well it seems that Hunt-uh was so happy with how nicely his suit was pressed for the Dusty tribute, that The BootLicker from Ballyfermot, the Celtic Waster, LAME-ARSE! Has a championship match, despite getting up to Orton/Bastista/Cena levels of unlimited title shot status! Roman Reigns was attacked by Bray Wyatt, for some reason, costing him the Match, the real question was why wasn't he in this match?

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ENDING TO THE DIVAS MATCH? The bella skank#2 is so use to winning that they didn't even bother to dress Bella Skank #1 to look like her. Ok they are twins, i know that! duh, but they had changed so much in the space of a year, that it should have made sense to diverge them! oh and who is the one complaining about their backstage politiking? Paige, who back in her home country, her parents, who are the richest promoters in Britain, make sure that she and her sisters are the only woman wrestling-game in town!

PAGING MISS KETTLE, THE POT WANTS TO TELL YOU, "YOU'RE BLACK!"

Does it get worse! yes it does! I Reffered to the Steroid Back/Big Shite match as a "SHIT SANDWICH!" But i should have called it "LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING!" As That GOBSHITE FROM MTV! Turned it into a no contest!

Next match was the tonic i needed for my bad Mood as SuperCena JON GOKU! Won...but barely!...against Kevin Owens, this is not over, as Owens did the smart thing and baited Cena's Handshake of Burial by kicking him in the Love-Spuds!

John, you should be happy! Kevin has made sure that you won't be able to have kids with Nikki Bella!

Well, i called it we had one title change and it was for the tag titles, for all the annoyance of The New day pretending to be positive black role-models, you have Titus O'Neill, who can be a father whilst on the road, and Darren Young, WWE's Openly gay (But not the 1st!) wrestler!
Yeah, Positive Role Models for African Americans? Yeah we have some already! and it was so great to their hard work paid off!

And Finally, another screwy finish! As both Seth Rollins and Dean loosened the belt, whilst free falling, but as Dean let go in the collision, so did his chances of winning the title slip through his fingertips!

WELL THAT'S IT!
I'm pleased to announce that after years of pleading TNA IS SHOWING THEIR SLAMMIVERSARY PPV LIVE! IN BRITAIN! FOR THE 1ST TIME EVER! so join me then in 2 week time! in the meantime, follow me on twitter @RealEnli

Money in the bank predictions

(All matches in descending importance.)

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
CATWOMAN SETH ROLLINS (C) VS DEAN "TITTIE MASTER" AMBROSE
As much as i want to see dean win, we all know who coming back to boost sales for a transitional ppv like Battleground. Seth has bitten the hand that fed him, now Triple h will put him in his place, and harken the return of Brock Lesner!
MONEY ON...NO CONTEST! BROCK HITS THE RING, MATCH GETS THROWN OUT!

THE MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
ADRIAN NEVILLE VS LAME-ARSE VS BLANDY BORETON VS THE BIG DEAD CAREER KANE VS BLOWMAN REIGNS VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS KOFI KINGSTON

7 Men have being chosen to be in the money in the bank. 2 of these are the best the world has to offer... the other 5 are a lackey, a spoiled brat with anger issues, a muttonhead with the promo skills of a caveman, a man who hasn't being relevant since the 90's and someone who was put in because he can do flips and shit that will cost him the match! it doesn't help that 4 of the 5 i mentioned, bar captain caveman, are all in Triple H'S Brown Tongue Brigade! so this match will bring disdain if someone whose being there gets the win!
Money on: given that most feuds going into the Mitb cancel each other out, it's a short pool of Orton, Kingston or Neville

SHIT SANDWICH FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
STEROIDBACK VS THE BIG SHITE!
Ok, thank God That the GOBSHITE FROM MTV! Was not added to the mix, but this is still pretty bad, still, they wont match Ryback's initial  run with the strap is a short one! They only do that with the worlds title to people we care about!

THE UNITED STATES CHAMPION WILL FACE THE NXT CHAMPION IN A REMATCH
FIGHTOWENSFIGHT VS BURYCENABURY TWO!
A lot of people call Cena "superman", but in fact cena is more like Goku! that is to say he now purposely gets beaten by the opponent the first fight and scouts his moves! this won't be a win for Owens, Cena's got his shovel!
MONEY ON: THE FUCK YOU THINK? ENJOY YOUR TRIP BACK FULL SAIL, MR STEEN!

THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O'NEILL AND DARREN YOUNG) VS THE POO DAY! (BUCKWHEAT WOODS AND TIT E)
After that bullshit that was the champion's prerogative and the man advantage last month (or last Sunday, if on my side of the Atlantic! Thank you $ky $port$!) it only fair we have a one on one match with no advantage for the increasingly irritating Tag champs! but that won't mean it'll be easy!
Money on: PRIME TIME PLAYERS! Have to have at least one title change or people wont have anything to tweet about! Speaking of which...

WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
NIKKI BELLA VS PAIGE
IS NIKKI STILL BONING CENA
SHE IS?
THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!

EXTREME POINTLESS MATCH SO POINTLESS IT'S ON THE POINTLESS KICK OFF SHOW!
KING BARRETT VS R-TURD!
Money on: Sales of hog dogs to double in Columbus!

So that's it!
Results will be made public on Monday Morning! i hope to see you then! In the meantime check out my review of the Internship at boggerboxoffice.blogspot.com, my review of Payback at enlightenedtowers.tumbr,com, or follow me on twitter @RealEnli

LAST WEEK'S ELIMINATION CHAMBER: A PROTEST TO WHY THE WWE NETWORK SHOULD BE ON SKY SPORTS SUBSCRIPTION!

It would nice if people cared a bit more.
It would have being nice that this ppv were on sky box office last week so i can ignore this and save my money for Money in the bank next week!

It would have being nice if sky actually negotiated a bit better to have this match shown for free live last week!

And it sure as hell would be nice if i didn't have to consider ditching out €44 at least for the worst boardband in Europe, just to watch NXT Without it being edited!

But this blog is more of a record of what happened during the ppv-I Considered not doing this only for John Ritland to remind me that if i'm enough dedicated to do tna show results for people who have to wait 3 days, i can surely do a results post for people who have to wait a week!

So for Prosperity and nothing else, this is my results of Elimination Chamber, which was edited for commercial showing!

ELIMINATION CHAMBER TORNADO TAG MATCH FOR THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O'NEILL/DARREN YOUNG) VS LOS LATINOS STEREOTYPICOS (JOBBERCO UNO/JOBBERCO DOS/MINI MANTAUR) VS TYSON KIDD AND CESERO VS POO DAY! (BUCKWHEAT WOODS/ KOFI STINKSTON/ TIT E) VS

• ENTRANT 1: THE LEGION OF DERP! (VIKTOR/KONNOR) VS
• ENTRANT 2: LUCHA DRAGONS (SIN CARA/ CALISTO)

It's big slug out, to start with  the Askenkion drop bombs on the luchas. speaking of which-Kalisto climbed the POO-DAY!'s pod and got crotched straight the chainmesh! for just mustering a huge drop from the roof, Calisto was injured and made inactive  most of the match
ENTRANT 3: CESARO/KIDD
Huge uppercut by cesaro, nice german by kidd to follow up! They seem to be building the European uppercut, as the BRASS RING BOY'S CLUB hit a 3d with Cesero's uppercut. But kidd turns into a Dominator by Konnor-the Ascension are real dark horses in this match!
ENTRANTS 4: EL JOBBERCOS Y MINI MANTAUR!
HUGE CROSSBODY BY CALISTO! TAKES OUT EVERYONE!
But the Legion Of Derp regain their composure! FALL OF MAN!
EL JOBBERCOS ARE ELIMINATED!
Back from the break The Derpers do it again! FALL OF MAN!
THE LUCHA DRAGONS ARE ELIMINATED!
ENTRANT 5: THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS
BIG BOOT BY TITUS ON KONNER! BLACK CENA HAS VIKTOR! GUT CHECK!
THE LEGION OF DERP ARE ELIMINATED!
Neck breaker by Kidd, Big boot by Titus, causing a legit injury for kidd later.
ENTRANT 6: POO DAY!
Oh so the Champions that contain Kofi Kingston gets in fresh, i wonder wHHHo Kofi is so chummy to  get that treatment? Sure enough...
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPIONS: THE POO DAY!
(To the tune of I LOVE MANNIKIN TUESDAY!
MIDDLE FINGERS GOING UP/ FOR THE NEW DAY!/ COS THIS GIMMICK SUCKS/ CALLED THE NEW DAY!/WE'VE HAD ENOUGH/ OF THE NEWDAY!/ COS THIS GIMMICK SUCKS/CALLED THE NEW DAY!

MIDDLE FINGERS GOING UP!

CHAMPION VS CHAMPION
FIGHTOWENSFIGHT VS BURYCENABURY
Headlock by owens, to start off-into shoulder barge by cena. Bulldog by cena, Owens up, Hard Clothesline in the corner that Cena No sells by not setting up Owens' Cannonball, DDT counters Cena's FU, Schoolboy by cena-WHO PAYS FOR IT! OWENS MUST HATE ROLLUPS AS MUCH I DO! Big meaty mounted punches by the Canadian, Emerald Fusion, cannonball But NEVER MIND THAT SHIT! HE COMES THE FOUR MOVES OF DOOM, But owens hits his finisher the Pump-up Powerbomb...1, 2-
NO SELL POWERS! ACTIVATE!
What's Owen's got left? woah what a moonsault! AA gets two, Superkick-no man Owens size should be doing these things!-Sunmission That's Fucking Useless Connects, but Owens with a FU Of his own. Tornado ddt by cena, setting up for the Super Fame-Asser gets 2-Package bomb by Owens! Cena with the springboard stunner- Senton by owens after a Super F.U! Pump-up Powerbomb again and this MOTY Candidate is in the history books!
WINNER: OWENS!

Back from the break and we hear neville's music (i suppose he won against BLOW DUMBASS? Match was edited out!) Hunt-uh tells Dean that BLOW-MAN is banned from ringside!

You thought that after an entertaining match for the tag belts, that the more important ic belt will follow suit? WRONG! YOU ARE WRONG!
Rusev injured, instead of replacing him with Bray Wyatt, they replaced him with Mark Hungry, just to please the crowd here in Texas! and i can see why, They put the belt on Ryback! who was beating from piller to post last month at payback! they did it to not make the champ look weak! anyway, congrats to ryback! i wonder if he tweeted anything after his win?

Ok. so the wwe title match ended with a Dusty Finish-haven't seen one in a while-just don't over do it ,okay?

Well, that's it!
join me on Tuesday where i will have my smackdown spoilers thus the final card for Sunday's Money in the bank! if you liked this please look at all my work and if you like, follow me on twitter @RealEnli