A DEAD COMPANY PRESENTS: TNA SLAMMIVERSARY: WARMING UP THE BODY BEFORE THE FUNERAL!

By now, you've already heard that TNA has already pre-recorded several title changes and returns. making the booking of this show and the fanfare of being the first time it was shown live in Britain. completely pointless.

I'm only going to focus mostly on the King Of the Mountain Match, since well, i never covered one! and this match is so confusing that it needs explaining.

One match that was surprising kept under wraps was the X Division Championship 3-way against Zima Ion vs Jockstrap and Tigre Uno. I've said before, night after night, we don't know which side of Tigre's offence we will see-Sloppy Tigre or Brilliant Tigre. Thank good Brilliant Tigre came out to play, after trouncing Zima with a split legged Moonsault, the Mexican got the w by pinning Manik with the SabreTooth Splash.

The Former BLOW-mance came out with new looks. Hey Jesse Glassjawz? Chris Masters called, he'll see you in court! Whiles Robbie E now hailing from "the university of New Jersey" is slowly turning into Damien Sandow. What we saw was 2 years of frustration on having to babysit Gobberz and his career taking a nosedive finally being rectified! Robbie was always the talent of the team, so good for him!

The Bram vs Matt Morgan match was a street fight, so nothing but punches and kicks. Morgan has not improved in the slightest, but bringing him back after firing him when he left to raise his new born baby was just cruel, so red-tape trumps lacklustre movesets any day, so i was rooting for him. Bram Won with the Brighter Side of Suffering, a quite mouthy name for a ddt!

I slept through the next match, sorry but street fights have that effect on me, especially at 3am! However this was one of the many matches ruined by spoilers, Davey Richards vs the now released Austin Aries (wow feels so good to write the word "aries" without bots giving me horoscopes and virus filled links to porn!) the final match in the best of 5 series will now be a 2 out 3 falls match, as chosen by Aries

3 on 2 handicap match as the Psycho-Sugababes known as the Dollhouse faced the unlikely team of awesome Kong and Brooke Adams, plus is there some kind of unwritten rule that incredibly hot women must have annoying voices-Heidi Klum, Cheryl Cole, Nicole Shit-Singer or what and whatever her name is, Brooke Adams has a deep baritone and Taryn, to agree with R.D Reynolds, talks like a 4-year old! this match was different from what i previously advertised on Friday, this was a pin anyone become no 1 contender match! Brooke won and we know what happened at the tapings!

Next was the Match so Sloppy, it actually showed that Dixie is so broke, she can't pay a dollar for her electric meter, an errant foot by Magnus smashed a generator backstage, all the lights, monitors and microphones were working on half power for the rest of the night, This Match between Magnus and James Storm had the worst ending: both hit each other with a beer bottle, but Storm Falls on top of Magnus and inadvertently pins him.

WEAK!

YOUR NEW CHAMPION STARTING WEDNESDAY LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!
20 TORTUROUS MONTH OF ASSISTED WINS, TAG LOSS TECHNICALITIES AND 10 MINUTE SQUASH MATCHES WHERE THE JOBBER GOT HIS FINISHER IN!
(BANG BANG BANG!)
THAT WAS THE FINAL NAIL IN COFFIN BEING HAMMERED IN!

KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH FOR THE TNA KING OF THE MOUNTAIN CHAMPIONSHIP!
DREW GALLOWAY VS ERIC YOUNG VS MATT HARDY VS BOBBY ROODE VS JEFF JARRETT
Ok, Main Event time, I've never covered a King of the Mountain Match and it for the new King of the Mountain championshi-OH COME ON! THAT THE FUCKING LEGEND GLOBAL TELEVISION TITLE WITH A NEW FACEPLATE! Anyway here are the rules.

• The objective of this match is hang the title on the hook over the ring
• all competitor start as being ineligible to win the title, to become eligible a competitor has to score a pinfall or submission.

• Moreover, the pinned superstar must spend 2 minutes in the penalty box, you only have to score a pin once to become eligible, but you may be pinned multiple times and sent to the penalty box multiple times.  

• Once all the wrestlers are eligible, the title belt kept by the time keeper is in play, anything goes, the first to hook the title wins.

WELL, THAT WAS CLEAR AS DISHWATER!
The returning King is given a heroes a welcome, with a "thank you Jarrett" chant breaking out, a big brawl to start, Young sets a ladder across the ring apron, Jarrett with a BAAAACK BODY DROP! to Drew, but pandering to the crowd has made him drop his guard, Roode behind with a schoolboy-
ROODE IS ELIGIBLE TO WIN
JARRETT IS SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX!
After the 2 minutes, the deranged Young blindslides Double J! It's an absolute disaster so far for the tna founder!
YOUNG IS ELIGIBLE TO WIN!
JARRETT IS SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX!
Wasting no time, Eric grabs the belt to hook whilst with another ladder Hardy whales everyone and Young drops the belt, as per the rules at this juncture, only 2 men are eligible, so in the interest of fairness, the belt is returned to the time keeper, Future shock by Galloway on Young, at the same time Twist of fate on Roode!
MATT HARDY AND DREW GALLOWWAY ARE BOTH ELIGIBLE TO WIN
ERIC YOUNG AND BOBBY ROODE ARE SENT TO THE PENALTY BOX

the 2 heels strategize their next move. when they re-enter a small Team Canada reunion, but it's short lived as Young turns on Roode. Hardy got Drew in a vertical Superplex, but Jarrett turns it into a tower of power, he's tossed out by the 2 Canadians who take advantage
GALLOWAY AND HARDY ARE SENT TO THE BOX
Clothesline by Young on his former mentor. Jarrett. Eric Steals Jarrett Guitar from Karen Jarrett who was at ringsde. Nut crusher by Jeff to Eric, Guitar Shot to Roode
JARRETT IS ELIGIBLE, ROODE GOES TO THE BOX, THE BELT IS NOW IN PLAY!

It's heavy Traffic now on the Ladders, Somehow Jeff performs a Huracanrana, goes to Give Eric the Stroke on the ladder lying on the apron, but counters into the Piledriver through the segments of the fucking ladder! as it went on the belt was loosened from someone's grip and they all converged in front of the Box...
BOBBY ROODE HAS RE-ENTERED THE MATCH!
BIG MISTAKE!
But where is Galloway?
FROM NOWHERE! Galloway with a swanton from the top of cage! Jarrett sneaks the belt from all of them, Matt Hardy, the only one with aware-with-all to do something, twist of fate from the ladder, Roode in with a 2nd whim, Spinning powerbomb to hardy! Young limps in sets up a ladder, SUPER STROKE FROM THE LADDER, Jarrett with the belt, the last time he did this, he was pelted with garbage, this time, he is covered by cheers of this loyal fans!
WINNER AND 1ST! TNA KING OF THE MOUNTAIN CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT!

Truth be told, i quite enjoyed the  main event, because the other matches were ruined for many people, however, this leads to more questions than answers, Jeff Jarrett is not on tna's roster. will he sign part time, will bring the belt to global force? i said on Friday that this match had little gravity at the tv tapings the fact that a new belt was made was never mentioned. at all. And so, Unless Tna gets a new TV deal in September, we close the lid on Impact Wrestling. With many of it's main roster seemingly leaving everyday, and pay disputes,  it would probably happen really soon. And that makes me sad, for all my complaining when they get it wrong, they sometimes got it right. only time will tell, i only know that Challenge over her in Ireland has got a taste for wrestling. and they like it! maybe global force or ring of honour OR NXT! will be shown by year's end-who's to say!-

BUT THEN AGAIN, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!